


Quantity over Quality

by JCapasso



Series: Quantity Over Quality [1]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 60,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCapasso/pseuds/JCapasso
Summary: Bonnie wants to teach Elena a lesson about evil vampires so she casts a spell that goes very wrong and Elena ends up trapped as a silent passenger in Damon's head and body from the moment he had his first drop of human blood.
Relationships: Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore
Series: Quantity Over Quality [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979572
Comments: 20
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [ripper](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24757012) by [ladyTpower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyTpower/pseuds/ladyTpower). 



> This story became a sort of accidental prequel for the story Ripper by ladyTpower so we decided to make it somewhat official.

Bonnie paced in Elena’s room waiting for her to get home. She’d said that she was on her way. It had taken Bonnie forever to find this spell and now she was impatient to get it over with. She just had to make Elena see the truth. It was bad enough that she was friends with vampires in the first place, but now…Even the ‘good’ brother had almost killed Amber. /Would have/ killed Amber if she hadn’t intervened. She let herself be talked into covering for him, but things like that couldn’t keep happening. Then, after all that, Elena still went back to him. Got him ‘fixed’ she said. It was stupid. He was a vampire. That’s what they do. It couldn’t be fixed. 

She had no idea if she had enough power to do this spell in the first place. She wished Grams was still here to help her, but she wasn’t. Thanks to the vampires. They’d taken everything from her. Damon had tried to kill her even. For something that was beyond her control. It wasn’t her fault that she was possessed by her ancestor and destroyed the stupid amulet. Even when they tried to be good like Stefan, people still died. Like her Grams. She had to make Elena see that they were monsters. “Okay, I’m here,” Elena said as she walked in the door. “What’s this spell you need my help with?” 

“Do you trust me?” Bonnie asked seriously, hoping that she wouldn’t have to explain first. 

“Of course, I trust you,” Elena said confused. 

“Then just let me do it, and I’ll explain everything after?” she asked hopefully. 

Elena hesitated a minute, but finally shrugged. Bonnie had been her best friend her whole life. If she couldn’t trust her then she couldn’t trust anyone. “Okay. Sure. What do you need me to do?” 

“Just lay down in bed. I’ll take it from there,” Bonnie told her, getting the candles arranged and setting some herbs to burn. This was a simple variation on a truth spell sort of combined with a love spell from what she understood, which was less than she would have liked. The instructions were pretty straightforward though. Once she started the spell, she could feel her power waning and just threw everything she could at it. She was passed out before she noticed Elena do the same. 

Elena was completely disoriented as she came to, hearing a voice in her head chanting, “No, Stefan. Please don’t. I don’t want it. Let go, Stefan. Please.” It almost sounded like Damon’s voice now that she thought of it and she could feel a hand on the back of her neck so tight she was sure that it would bruise, shoving her head forward as the voice changed tone. “Oh god. It’s so good. I need more. I can’t stop.” She could taste something in her throat that was like the best thing she’d ever experienced and she was echoing the voice. It wasn’t until she felt her fangs elongate and sink into flesh that she realized what was going on. She didn’t have fangs. Damon’s voice. Being forced to drink blood. Was this even possible? What the hell had Bonnie done? She tried calling out to him but got no response.

Things came more into focus as Damon drank from the girl and Elena realized that she was feeling everything Damon felt including…oh god…the arousal. Before that could make her too uncomfortable, the blood stopped flowing down his throat and the crushing remorse set in. She felt Damon push it aside as he went to hide the body and then promise Stefan an eternity of misery, and right now, she couldn’t really blame him. Hearing the story was one thing, but experiencing it was very different. Granted she had only come in at the end, but she could feel Damon’s fear and desperation as Stefan held him down and the remorse that he was feeling right now for killing the girl. She could hear Damon’s thoughts too. Wondering if maybe turning it off like Stefan had was better but not wanting to give up the last remnants of himself that he had left. 

When Damon walked away into the woods, Elena was more than a little uncomfortable at the different feel of the body. She wondered how much of it was just the difference between Damon and her and how much of it was a vampire thing. There were some things that she knew was a vampire thing, like how much they could hear, how sharp their vision was, how acute their sense of smell. Some things she was sure were human differences. The height, the…gender differences, the muscle definition. Everything else she wasn’t sure. She kept trying to call out to him. To make him notice her presence somehow, but nothing seemed to work. 

Elena sighed with relief when Emily approached him. If anyone could help her it was Emily Bennett. She could feel Damon’s relief and joy when she told him about the tomb and that Katherine would be okay. She told him how and when he could release her and gave him the amulet that Elena recognized. One thing that surprised her was that his love for Katherine didn’t feel so strong. Not nearly as strong as his loyalty towards her. She could also feel his gratitude towards Emily at what she’d done, and his irritation that she didn’t tell him until after he’d turned because she didn’t want it to affect his decision. He still promised to protect her descendants in return for saving Katherine though. 

Once he left Emily, he headed back towards town and Elena felt him fighting with himself over his need to feed. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he was so hungry. In the end his hunger won out and Elena got to feel what it was like to feed again, but this time, Damon was able to stop himself from killing her and managed to compel her to forget. She could feel his struggle though. The need to keep drinking until there was nothing left was nearly overwhelming and Elena was more than impressed with his restraint. She knew that if it was her she wouldn’t have been able to hold back. 

She did her best to ignore the arousal he felt that wasn’t stopped in it’s tracks by the remorse of killing his victim this time. She even managed for the most part right up until he slipped deeper into the alley and his/their hand rubbed over the front of his pants as his breathing quickened. Oh god. She hoped he wasn’t about to do what she thought he was about to do. That would just be…god but it felt so good. She had never even really touched herself like that before. She could feel the firm pressure of his hand as it slid slowly up and down his length and she wasn’t sure anymore where his arousal ended and hers began save for the fact that hers was tinted with horrified embarrassment. 

Just when she thought that it couldn’t get any worse…or maybe better…he was undoing his pants and the feel of his hard but silky flesh sliding against his firm hand would have brought her to her knees if she had them at them moment. When she caught her first sight of him as he looked down she knew that her breathing would be just as ragged if she wasn’t part of him right now. The spike of pleasure she felt as his thumb rubbed over the tip, spreading his juices around as he stroked made her wonder how he wasn’t coming already. His pace did speed up from there though and the horror of the moment was overcome in her mind by the extreme pleasure she/they were experiencing. It wasn’t long before she felt the wave crash over them, and he was spurting over his hand with a soft moan. 

Once it was over, Elena’s mortification came back with a vengeance, and she was surprised to feel the same, to a much lesser degree, from him as he tucked himself back in his pants and looked around nervously before leaving the alley and looking for more prey. How the hell was he still so hungry? Was that a vampire thing or a Damon thing? He ended up half-draining two more people before he headed home, and Elena got her first sight of the original Salvatore Estate still standing in all it’s glory. 

Apparently, either Stefan wasn’t home or he was already in bed because there was no sign of him as Damon trudged up to his own room and drew a bath which she was both glad of and not. On one hand, they felt gross. Aside from the dirt that they’d accumulated and the dried sweat that she assumed was from the transition period since vampires didn’t sweat, there was also all the blood that Damon had spilled. She assumed that he learned to eat far less messily at some point. On the down side there was the fact that he would be naked and she would feel every touch all over his body as he washed. This was almost worse in a way than what happened in the alley. 

It didn’t end up being as bad as Elena thought though. Yeah it was rather mortifying, but apparently that was something she was going to have to get used to if she didn’t find a way back. Damon’s simple pleasure at just soaking in the bath rubbed off on her though and she let herself settle into the peace that his mind was radiating and barely even noticed the soapy rag trailing over every inch of his skin. Apparently, vampires also didn’t have a problem with temperature either because he didn’t get out until long after the water would have turned to ice, but she could only feel a slight chill to their skin.


	2. Chapter 2

When they woke up the next morning, Elena wondered if they had the same dreams because hers didn’t really make sense. But her having his dreams didn’t really make sense either. She was in the dream but it wasn’t really her. It wasn’t Katherine either though. At least she didn’t think it was. It was her personality with Katherine’s vampirism and clothing style. Unless Katherine was just like her in personality too, which she really didn’t think was true. The one time Damon described her it was ‘selfish, unkind, and seductive’. She didn’t think she was that way. Either way it was confusing. Maybe it was a mesh of their dreams. Maybe that was the only way she could exist here. Or maybe she was just getting stronger. She tried to call to him again, to nudge him, to do anything to make him realize her presence, but nothing. 

When he eventually dragged himself out of bed, he went for the bathroom and Elena really wished that she could just tune things out. Feeling his dick in their hand as he peed wasn’t even accompanied by the distracting pleasure of what he’d done last night. Thankfully it was relatively quick and the rest of his morning routine was a little less embarrassing. He went out for ‘breakfast’, once again managing to not kill, and Elena found herself wondering when he became the monster she had known. Once they got back home, she remembered that Stefan was definitely a monster in this time period as he was just stumbling into the house, blood dripping down his chin and chest and a cold look in his eyes. 

Elena could feel Damon’s worry and sadness at his brother’s state. Despite promising him an eternity of misery, he still loved his brother so deeply and seeing him like this was tearing him apart. She watched him try to get through to Stefan, but Stefan just brushed him off and went up to bed, leaving Damon alone. Elena knew that vampires had enhanced emotions, but what she felt from Damon…had felt ever since she ended up in here…was beyond anything she could have imagined. Damon sighed heavily and went into another room and poured himself a small glass of whiskey and Elena realized that his alcoholic tendencies must have started here at least. 

She was surprised that was all he had though, and even more surprised that he went to read a book for most of the rest of the day. And not a simple book either. It wasn’t even in English. Since when did Damon read Latin? At least she could still understand it since she was in his mind which was an unexpected bonus. She wondered if it would be possible for her to learn the language this way. It would be nice. She wondered how he’d learned it before she realized that his father was rich, which, in this time period, probably meant tutors for all kinds of things. 

Once night had fallen again, Damon was back out looking for blood. This time he fed from two more people, accidentally losing control and killing one of them and Elena felt the crippling remorse yet again as he carried her into the woods, using his vampire speed for the first time, which was a bit of a rush if it weren’t for the horrible emotions they felt. Elena could feel the muscles working as he/they buried her quickly, and their hand reached out to smooth over her hair as Damon’s voice whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

When they got home, and stripped down to get in the bath, Elena could feel the tears gently falling down their cheeks as the blood was scrubbed away and she felt her own well of sympathy that only added to what she was getting from Damon. She had realized over the course of the day that he couldn’t feel her emotions but she could feel both of theirs. She wondered if her sanity would survive this mess. And that was even without sharing every sensation of his body which might as well be considered /their/ body for the moment, not that she had any control over it. 

Elena realized why he valued a long bath so much as his mind wandered. He needed to feel clean after the horrors that he inflicted. From the moment he’d killed the first girl that Stefan had brought him, he felt like a monster. She was starting to wonder if that’s why he was the way he was when she knew him. Because feeling everything like this, so deeply, just wore him down to the point that he couldn’t deal with it anymore, but then why wouldn’t he have just turned it off? 

After another night of strange dreams, Damon didn’t get out of bed right away this time and Elena was horrified to realize what he was doing as their hand slid slowly down their chest and stomach and wrapped around his large erect member. That was one thing that Elena couldn’t manage to consider as ‘theirs’. That didn’t mean that she didn’t feel the pleasure of every stroke of his hand and when she saw the fantasies that his mind provided, she was easily able to put herself in the position of her Katherine look alike, no matter how hard she tried not to. When the warm cum spilled over their hand a moment later, Katherine’s name fell from Damon’s lips as their body trembled and twitched through the intensity of the orgasm. 

As they went downstairs, Stefan was just coming in again, once more covered in blood and as cold and emotionless as ever. The day went much the same as the one before. It started with one glass of whiskey and then was spent between reading and pacing. It wasn’t until the next day that there was a change of pace. There was suddenly a third presence in Damon’s mind. It was Emily. Calling to him for help. He jumped to his feet and ran at his vampire speed from the house and through the woods to Emily’s home. 

Emily opened the door as he arrived, and thrust a bundle into his arms. “It is time for you to begin fulfilling your promise,” she told him, also shoving a heavy bag onto his shoulder before he could even react. 

He and Elena both realized that the bundle was a baby at the same time, and Damon asked, “Emily…what…”

“Katherine outed me to the council. They will be here soon,” she told him. 

“Then we should hurry. Come on,” Damon said motioning her to follow. 

“It is too late for me, Damon. No one knows of Marie though. Find a witch to teach her and keep her safe always. Our family legacy is in that bag. Give it to her when she’s old enough. Now go,” she told him, turning back to the house. 

“Emily, wait,” Damon called after her. “I don’t know what to do for a baby. I can’t…”

“You promised, Damon. Please,” Emily begged. 

Elena could feel Damon’s complete terror at the idea of taking care of a baby and his worry for Emily, who he genuinely liked, and his determination to keep his promise, no matter what, as they disappeared back into the woods with the sleeping baby. Elena guessed, based on the size, that the baby was a few months old, but could tell that Damon had no idea, guess or not. Elena was more than a little concerned about this for a lot of reasons. For one thing, she was relatively sure that baby formula wasn’t around yet and without Emily to breastfeed they might be in trouble. She had never wondered what they did in the past when babies were separated from their mothers. 

Another worrying factor was that Damon obviously had zero experience with babies which didn’t bode well. Plus he was a new vampire who was more than a little thirsty and who knew if a baby would one day look like a tempting snack. She calmed herself though with the thought that Marie had obviously survived otherwise Bonnie wouldn’t exist. 

During her entire mental worry rant, Damon had stayed in shock and his mind was suspiciously silent. Right up until the baby started crying. They shushed her, bounced her, walked in circles, but nothing helped. Elena wished more than ever now that she could talk to him. If nothing else to help him through this. He was clearly trying so hard and he was feeling like a complete failure and was even on the verge of tears before he had an idea and Elena would have cheered if she could have. Then came the real dilemma. 

The townspeople were still looking for him and Stefan and a screaming baby would draw every eye to them. He couldn’t do anything for her out here though. In the end Damon didn’t have much of a choice. He found an out of the way spot deep enough in the woods that she would hopefully not draw attention and made a bed of leaves before laying her down in it. He tried to tell her to be quiet and that he would be back soon, but obviously it didn’t do any good. When he left, he had never run as fast in his life.


	3. Chapter 3

Damon, with his unintended and unknown passenger, slipped through the town’s alleys, destination clear in his mind. Elena was relieved that he knew of a wet nurse in town, which answered her earlier question. Though how they were going to get to her remained to be seen. Damon came up on her house from the back in the shadows and looked in the windows to make sure that she was alone before he knocked on the back door. When she answered the door, she looked nervously at him, but he wasted no time bringing up his compulsion power. “You will go the edge of the woods behind the apothecary immediately and wait for me there. You will act natural and tell no one where you are going or why.” 

She turned and went back into the house and when they heard her go back out the front door, Damon began to zip through the alleyways and forest again, heading back to where they’d left the baby. They wouldn’t be able to take her so close to town without her being heard, but they could check on her at least. When they got there, they found a scraggly looking man bending to pick her up and Damon pounced, draining him dry in record time. 

Elena knew logically that he might have meant well and just intended to rescue an abandoned baby but couldn’t deny the protective instinct that welled up in Damon. Then it dawned on her that this was eighteen sixty-four and she was an African American baby. She would be much better off if she wasn’t found. Even if no one connected her to the witches they were about to burn, which was a definite possibility. While she still thought that Damon could have shown a bit more restraint, she couldn’t really fault him for his actions, despite the fact that he was faulting himself. At least his remorse wasn’t nearly as bad as usual. The fact that he was protecting Marie counted for something. 

Damon bent down to check on the baby and found her just as angry as before, but she calmed momentarily when she grabbed their finger and put it in her mouth. When she realized it wasn’t going to give her any food, she went off again though. Damon dashed back and forth to the edge of the woods three times before the wet nurse showed up and he compelled her again to follow him and then feed the baby. When the baby started eating, Damon’s mind was free to wander as he made some plans for the immediate future. 

Taking the baby home was out of the question with Stefan there, but he needed to be nearby to try and find his brother again in the monster. He would take her to the old cabin by the river behind their property. It should be far enough to keep her away from Stefan. But he couldn’t be with her every moment and leaving her unattended to go get the wet nurse was nearly a disaster. Not to mention she would need to be fed regularly. There was nothing for it. He would just have to compel the wet nurse to stay with them. At least for a while. Perhaps she could teach him to care for the baby as well. Yes, that was the best option. 

Elena was surprised at how well he was taking this. There had been the initial panic at her crying and he stayed panicked until he’d gotten her what she needed, but now that she was okay, he was thinking calmly and rationally and making reasonable plans. Elena wondered when she reached a point where kidnapping by compulsion and essentially holding someone prisoner was considered reasonable, but under the circumstances it was rather necessary. She was less surprised as his arousal when he turned back to see the woman’s breasts bared as the baby suckled, but he was more than a little embarrassed by his reaction and turned back away to hide it and to preserve her modesty that she didn’t seem at all concerned with. Elena wondered how much of that was due to the compulsion though. 

Damon didn’t turn back around again until the woman said that she was finished and asked if Damon wanted her to change the baby as well. “Yes, please,” Damon told her. “Teach me how,” he compelled. Once she was changed into a new cloth diaper that they had found in the bag Emily had given them, Damon compelled her again to follow him as he took the baby from her. She was his responsibility. He had promised Emily. He would be the one to care for her as much as he could.

Between her slow human speed and keeping to the woods to avoid the town, it took more than two hours to reach the cabin and by the time they got there, Marie was crying to be fed again. Damon then thought to ask the woman her name. It was Amy and as she began to feed the baby, Damon faced away as he asked, “What supplies do I need to take care of her?” They grabbed a pencil and paper and wrote it down as Amy rattled off a list, still bound by Damon’s compulsion to follow all of his orders. 

Once he had a list, he told her, “You will remain here with the child and care for her. Should anyone other than me approach you will take her into the forest and hide until I find you. Should it come to it, you will protect her with your very life if necessary. Do you understand?” 

“I understand,” Amy said dazedly. 

They were glad that night had fallen by that point which meant that the shops were closed, and they were able to sneak in, take the supplies they needed, and sneak back out. Damon did feel badly about the stealing though and left a large amount of money on the counter, which made Elena smile. Or she would have if she’d had a mouth or anything in this state. They got back to the cabin less than an hour after they left, vampire speed coming in handy. 

The next while was spent almost entirely in the cabin, only leaving to feed and occasionally feeding lightly on Amy for a snack to tide them over. Elena was almost getting used to this state of being, though she was still mortified whenever Damon started touching himself, but at least he wasn’t sleeping with anyone at the moment. She desperately hoped that she would be out of here before that happened. Not having anyone to talk to was hard. Just as much as having no body or anything within her control. At least she had Damon’s thoughts to distract her from her own and baby Marie was adorable. 

Damon was taking the lead more and more with her as Amy taught him what to do and he got more comfortable with it. Only Elena knew how much he was coming to love the baby and how much he enjoyed having someone to take care of. It was keeping his humanity grounded very well. During a hunting trip one night, they overheard some of the council members talking about the vampires that were still plaguing them and learned that Stefan’s body count was apparently getting rather high. Damon felt horrible that he’d all but forgotten his brother with all his dealing with the baby. He went by to check on him every day, sometimes more than once, but he never stayed long, not wanting to get too far from Marie for very long. 

That night though, rather than go straight home, they went to the Salvatore estate, finding Stefan deep into a party with half a dozen girls, half of whom were already dead and he was toying with the others who were heavily compelled. Elena was horrified at the sight. It was one thing seeing him covered in blood, but this was so much different. He was just as much of a monster as he always accused Damon of being. “Company, brother?” Damon asked tightly as he walked into the scene. 

“I brought enough to share,” Stefan smirked, shoving one of the girls towards Damon. 

Damon caught her gently as he asked, “Are you mad? Bringing them here when the entire town is hunting us?” Elena could feel his panic welling. 

“Damon if you’re worried about the founding families, please don’t be. They’re all dead. Or about to be.” 

Elena was just as horrified at that as Damon was and he immediately compelled the girl in his arms, “Leave this place and never think of it again.” They then went over and pulled Stefan off the other girl who he compelled with the same. 

“Damon, don’t be like this. I’m just having some fun,” Stefan whined. 

“Staying alive is more fun Stefan,” Damon snapped. “We have to be more careful than this. More clever. Like Katherine was.”

Stefan huffed a laugh. “Look where that got her.” 

Elena knew that was a mistake even before she felt the rage and heartache building in Damon. “I’m done here,” he said coldly. “With you. I’m leaving town.” He should have taken Marie and run weeks ago anyway. 

Stefan blurred in front of Damon before he could get out of the room. “Wait. You hate me. I know. An eternity of misery. I know,” he said frantically. “But you don’t have to leave town. Damon, I’ll do better. I promise.” 

“No,” Damon said firmly. “You will get us killed. I’d rather leave you to do that to yourself.” If he didn’t have Marie to think about he might waver in his position, but he was all she had right now. Protecting her was the most important thing he would ever do. They jerked away from Stefan and stormed out, heading to the cabin to pack up what they could.


	4. Chapter 4

Once they got there, Damon asked Amy, “Is there a way to take care of her without a wet nurse?” He didn’t want to take her away from her home permanently if he didn’t have to. After getting instructions on mashing up food and softening breads in cows milk or water which he could also give her, Damon compelled her one last time. “You will go home and remember nothing of this.” 

That done, they packed up everything they could carry. Damon only took a few changes of clothes for him, and a lot more for Marie, along with as many of the supplies as possible, having to leave behind the cradle and many of the other larger items. They also kept the bag with what they learned were family grimoires, though Emily’s was missing, slung over their shoulder as they followed the river out of town. 

Both Elena and Damon were glad that there had been enough food in the cabin due to Amy’s presence there, that they didn’t need to head back into town for anything. Damon decided to feed her the milk first before it spoiled and then use water to soften the food until they reached a place they could stop for more. They quickly realized that, while vampire speed was helpful, running was just as exhausting as it was for a human. While they did cover so much more ground that way, they still had to stop to rest often and felt like their legs were on fire. 

The sun was coming up by the time they stopped to sleep, not that they got to sleep for long with Marie wanting to be fed a few hours later, and Damon gave an irritated groan as her cries pulled them from sleep. Normally Amy kept Marie while he slept, but now it was all on Damon. He took it well enough though, dragging their exhausted body up, and quickly mashing up some food for her, resolving to hit the nearest town for milk as soon as they started moving again. Hopefully they were far enough from Mystic Falls to be able to stay for a little while. Long enough to rest up and plan his next moves at least. 

Once Marie was finished eating, and cleaned up in the river, they got to their feet and began walking again, using their vampire hearing to guess which direction to head to find a town. It still took a few bursts of speed, but they arrived in town before nightfall and skirted around the edges, glad that Marie was asleep at the moment so they could avoid drawing attention. It took quite a while before Damon found an appropriate place on the edge of town, out of clear view of anything, that had only an old widow living there. 

Damon slipped up and knocked on the door, and when she answered he immediately compelled her, “You will invite me in and allow my daughter and houseroom. You will tell no one that we are here and turn away any unnecessary visitors with whatever excuses you deem appropriate. You will see to it that we have everything that we need.” 

“Won’t you please come in?” the woman asked, stepping out of the doorway. “Let me find you a room. Do you or your baby need anything?” 

“Thank you ma’am,” Damon said with a relieved smile. “She needs a bottle of milk soon and I need you to watch her for a while so that I can go out.”

“Of course, you just leave her with me and I’ll take good care of her,” the woman promised. 

It had been an entire day since they’d fed and Elena could feel the hunger just as strongly as Damon could. They hadn’t even fed completely the night before since the conversation about Stefan had interrupted them. They, once again, accidentally killed the first person they fed on. It was only the third who had been killed by them, counting the one that turned him and the remorse hit just as strongly as the others. They carried her into the woods and buried her with Damon whispering another sad apology over the shallow grave. He was still too hungry to stop though, but the next three people they fed on survived. 

When they got back to their temporary home, Violet informed them that Marie had been fed, changed, and was now sleeping in an old cradle that she pulled from storage for her. Damon thanked her and headed to bed himself, desperately needing sleep and Elena was more than glad of that too. Apparently being trapped in his mind meant that she couldn’t sleep unless he was and she had certainly tried over the course of the long day. Marie, thankfully, let them sleep the night through and didn’t wake them until the sun was coming up. 

They bent down to pick her up as Damon cooed at her, bouncing her in their arms as they headed downstairs. Violet already had a bottle ready along with some mashed up food for the baby as well as breakfast for Damon, which he ate politely, glad to find that it didn’t bother him. It was the first human food he had eaten since he’d turned, but he knew that Katherine had eaten human food, which was why he gave it a try. Both he and Elena learned that taste was also enhanced as a vampire and while that was good for some things, it was bad for others. 

They spent most of their time in their room, and Damon raided the woman’s small library often, but now that Marie was starting to get around, they didn’t have much time to read. He still took at least an hour every night, after feeding and before bed, to do so and Elena enjoyed the opportunity to read along with him. She missed being able to choose what she read and read more often though. She missed a lot of things being trapped in someone else’s mind. 

They stayed in that town through the winter. Damon thought it would be best not to travel outdoors with a baby in the freezing winter. By the time spring settled in six months later, Marie was toddling around and they were wrapped around her little finger. Elena was surprised and beyond touched at how Damon took the time every morning and every night to thoroughly brush her hair and he even read his books to her at night, not going out to feed until she was asleep. When she had managed to say his name for the first time, Elena thought Damon was going to explode from happiness. Granted it came out more like Dahmah, but it was the thought that counted. 

Elena couldn’t help but feel herself starting to fall for Damon and wished that he could stay this man forever. She still wondered what it was that changed him. She had realized over the six months she’d been sharing his mind that they did share their dreams. And those dreams always included the strange Katherine/Elena mixture. Always Elena’s personality and mannerisms with Katherine’s vampirism and fashion style. She also noticed that Damon’s feelings for Katherine were moving far beyond loyalty and infatuation and into a deep burning love. 

Elena couldn’t help but wonder if the dreams had something to do with it. Was he falling in love with Elena or was it still the memory of Katherine? Evidence suggested the former, but did that even make sense? In her time, Damon had been madly in love with Katherine even then, so how could it be Elena now. Unless she was always supposed to be here and sharing herself with him in his dreams and he always just assumed it was Katherine, because why would he not? But what did that even mean? She knew that she didn’t love him in the future. Not the man he’d become. The /monster/ he’d become. The kind, loving, affectionate man he was right now was gone by then. Wasn’t he? Maybe if she ever got back, she should look for him again. 

She thought back over their interactions since they’d met. He’d always been kind to her. For the most part. It was just everyone else he treated like crap. Once she found the picture of Katherine she assumed that was it, but by the time she came back he seemed to have decided to hate Katherine, but was still nice to her. He’d even stepped in and danced with her when Stefan stood her up at the pageant. And if she was right that he only loved Katherine because of her, did that change anything? Should it change anything? Elena was almost wishing that he would get on with the whole becoming a monster thing already so that she could be less confused and go back to not liking him. This whole getting attached thing was going to drive her insane even more than being trapped in someone else’s head was.


	5. Chapter 5

Just before they moved on, they got word that the war was over and slavery had been abolished. Damon was more than a little ambivalent about the subject, but Elena could understand that. It wasn’t just history for him and he’d been a confederate soldier, though she learned from his mind that he’d never really believed in their cause. Either way the war had been more real for him. For her part though, Elena was glad. They both picked up on the fact that it would make Marie at least a little bit safer if she were spotted. 

Damon knew that he couldn’t let her be though, which was why they were moving on. With her getting around more, it was getting harder to keep her hidden. A white man raising a little black girl drew far too much attention and as a vampire the last thing he needed was that kind of scrutiny. Before he compelled Violet to forget all about them and erase all traces of their stay, he asked for any rumors about witches nearby. When she hadn’t heard any, he got directions to another nearby town, wanting to stay relatively close to Mystic Falls in case Stefan needed him. 

Most of the next months were spent camping out in the woods as they travelled around. Damon would pick off people from the edges of town to compel into watching Marie while he went to feed and collect supplies and rumors. Neither he nor Elena were sure at what age she should start learning to use her magic, but finding a witch to help her was better done sooner rather than later. They didn’t have any luck though before winter hit again and they compelled another place to stay and wait it out. It was a very difficult season though as Marie was approaching her terrible twos and completely mobile now. It was only vampire speed that kept her from getting out and spotted more than once and they had to start waiting until she was asleep for the night to leave the house lest she slip away from her human minder. 

Elena learned that even in this time Damon had a temper and often lost it when she was being particularly difficult, but he never even came close to hurting her and in the rare times when it got bad enough to scare her it snapped him out of it immediately and he babbled apologies and cuddled her until she felt better. Due to the fact that keeping her hidden was so difficult, they moved on sooner this year. As soon as the weather was nice enough that they didn’t have to worry about her freezing to death at night even with a fire going. 

They travelled around Mystic Falls in ever widening circles, despite having gotten word that Stefan had moved on, for years. Marie was five by the time they got a promising lead and it was only two towns over from Mystic Falls. It was a small enough town that it had been skipped before, but they quickly headed back that way once they heard the rumor of a witch there. Marie had been showing small signs of magic already. 

As they usually did, they camped in the woods nearby, and Marie was now old enough to be left alone for short periods while she was sleeping so that they could slip into town to feed and scout the area. They had only been there for a few days before they were found though. Since it was daytime, they were at the campsite. Damon had been teaching Marie for almost a year by that point. Just her letters and numbers at this point and basic dancing, though that was more just to have fun than anything else. She was standing on his feet as he taught her a basic waltz step and her bright giggles mixed with his humming the music amusedly as someone stepped out of the trees. 

Damon immediately stopped and pushed her behind him as he faced the newcomer. He hadn’t sensed her approach which meant that either he was just that distracted which was unlikely or she was a potential threat. Another vampire or maybe even the witch they were looking for. When the woman noticed the protective stance he was taking, she held out her hands to her sides in a gesture of peace. “I don’t mean either of you any harm.” Damon relaxed a lot and let Marie come out from behind him, but still kept her close and his guard at least somewhat up. “You’re the one I came here to find,” the woman smiled at Marie and crouched down closer to her level. 

“You’re a witch,” Damon guessed. 

She looked nervously at him for a moment before deciding that in this case the truth would be best. If he was protecting a little witch then he could likely be trusted with the secret. “I am.”

“Then you’re the one we came here to find too,” Damon told her. 

“You did?” she asked curiously. 

“Yes. This is Marie Bennett. Her family was caught and burned in Mystic Falls. Her mother asked me to take care of her and find a witch to teach her when she was old enough,” Damon explained. 

“I see,” the witch said thoughtfully. “I am Luella,” she said reaching her hand to him.

“Damon,” he introduced himself taking her hand. 

The next thing Damon and Elena knew was pain like they’d never felt and they hit the ground holding their head as Luella hissed out the word, “Vampire!” 

“Damon!” Marie cried trying to rush over to him, but Luella grabbed her around the middle and pulled her away. 

“Wait…please!” Damon ground out through the pain. “I don’t mean anyone any harm.” 

The pain eased off enough to allow him to sit up, but before he could get farther, Luella snapped, “Stay down or I’ll put you back there.” When she saw that he stopped trying to get up, she said, “You’re a vampire. You bring death wherever you go whether you mean to or not.” 

“Her mother entrusted her to me. To keep her safe,” Damon told her. They could worry about his intentions when he knew that he wasn’t going to lose Marie. 

“From what you said she entrusted you to find another witch to help her. And you have now. I will keep her safe. Even from you,” Luella said, keeping a tight grip on Marie who was struggling and crying. 

“Please…don’t,” Damon begged, but she just started backing away with the child. Damon surged forward to try and take her back, but ended up on the ground again screaming in pain and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get her back. Not now. By the time the pain ended, they were both gone and Damon let the sobs take him over. Elena wasn’t in much better shape. She loved the girl nearly as much as Damon did. All that time they’d spent trying to find a witch to help Marie and she’d taken the girl away. Her heartbreak was just added to by Damon’s which was even more crushing. So much so that she wondered if he would ever be able to come back from it. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was the moment that made him a monster and she couldn’t even blame him if it did. 

For the next three weeks, they didn’t leave the campsite except to feed, running all the way to the next town to do so, not wanting to face the wrath of the witch if they fed in her town. Damon was losing control more and more, leaving bodies at least a few times a week. Damon had stopped apologizing to them, but Elena could still feel the remorse he felt for every one of them. He just buried it under his heartache, but she knew that she was experiencing the start of his slow descent. 

Elena knew that they should move on. People would start getting suspicious about all the deaths and disappearances soon. She knew that Damon had considered that too, but didn’t want to leave. He was still holding out hope that Marie would get away from the witch and if she did, then he needed to be at their camp so she could find him and they could get as far away from here as possible. Elena suspected that Luella was using magic to keep Marie away, but Damon hadn’t gotten that far in his thinking yet and on top of everything else, he was feeling rejected by the girl that he had raised as his daughter since infancy. 

After the first few weeks, Damon slipped into town and went looking for Luella. He found her house easily, but was blocked by a barrier from getting too close. Their sharp eyesight could see Marie in the window though, eating dinner and chattering happily, but apparently the barrier also blocked sound because they couldn’t hear what she was saying. A few tears leaked down Damon’s cheeks as he turned to leave. It was finally time to move on. Luella was right. He brought death everywhere he went. Just look at how many people he’d killed in the last few weeks. Marie would be okay and could grow up happy and well adjusted. A lot better than spending her life hiding in the woods with a vampire. 

Elena wished more than ever that she could talk to him right now. To tell him that he was wrong. That he had done so well with Marie and that she loved him. To tell him that he deserved to have happiness too, vampire or not. She wanted to comfort him. To hold him. Tell him that everything would be okay. She couldn’t though. She was trapped in this mental prison completely useless and helpless to intervene.


	6. Chapter 6

Once they moved on, Damon got a lot worse before he got better. They were feeding less as they got older, but it got to the point where they were killing someone every night. Damon also started drinking heavily and in the rare sober moments, Elena’s heart broke at all the pain and heartache that Damon was burying deeper and deeper. His self-loathing grew to the point that Elena was surprised that he didn’t stake himself or something, but it just drove him further off the edge. It got to the point where the only time Damon felt remotely alive was when he was killing someone and Elena was falling apart more with every kill. 

She forced herself not to take his guilt on herself, though she couldn’t help but feel it anyway. Just as deeply as he did. She wasn’t doing any of this though. She had no control. Just because she could taste the blood dripping down their throat and fell the life slipping away from them, that didn’t make it her fault. Damon had lost the tether to his humanity and he was spiraling and Elena needed for something to give. She couldn’t take another hundred and fifty years of this. Thankfully, she got her wish. Damon killed someone for the first time, not for blood, but because he was drunk and lost his temper. He broke a man’s neck with his bare hands. 

Elena felt his shock and disgust as he sobered instantly and backed away in horror and then they were running. They were well into the woods when Damon’s legs buckled and he hit his knees bending over with his arms wrapped around his middle as he heaved for breath. If Elena didn’t know any better she would think it was from exertion but she could feel the waves of agony and disgust washing over him with an intensity that would likely have killed a human. His thoughts were much the same and he actually considered turning off his humanity just so that he wouldn’t have to feel that way anymore. 

He didn’t though. Because he knew it was the easy way out. Because he didn’t deserve to just wipe it all away like it was nothing. He /should/ feel it. Every agonizing moment was his burden to bear. He couldn’t bring anyone back but he could carry their memories. It was the only way he knew of to try and atone for what he’d done. The tears fell fast and heavy down his cheeks as he spent most of the night kneeling there in the forest until he fell asleep. 

Elena was glad to feel that things were better when they woke up. Not by a lot, but enough. Enough that she could bear it again. And she felt Damon’s resolve to be a better man from now on. She only wished that it would last. There were a few backslides over the next few years, but for the most part, Damon was back to feeding without killing which meant that they didn’t have to move around nearly as much and since Damon didn’t have a child to hide now, they were sleeping indoors all the time again. Damon even started reading again, which Elena was more than appreciative of. 

After a few years, Damon headed back to the town where they left Marie only to find that she had grown, married, and moved away. It took a little time to track her down and Elena was surprised when they didn’t approach her. They just watched a very pregnant Marie for a few days before Damon took the bag that he’d kept safe for all this time…the one with her family grimoires…and snuck into he house in the middle of the night and left it on the table. He had never even opened a single one. 

From there, Damon decided to check out home, twenty two years after he’d walked away from it. He felt a need to reconnect. To try to find his humanity again. It was during this time that he learned that he apparently had another brother. His father had an affair with a maid and their child was now the owner of all the Salvatore holdings. He left him be though, staying in the shadows. He didn’t need to bring death to his doorstep any more than he did to Marie’s. He kept tabs after that though. 

When going home ended up being a bust, Damon started looking into hobbies. Something to keep him connected to the world. They moved to New York and ended up spending a lot of time in the libraries and Damon ended up falling in love with architecture. Unfortunately, they learned that he had no artistic talent, but his attempts always made Elena laugh. Instead he just ended up being a connoisseur. That didn’t keep his interest for long though. It only took half a decade for him to soak up all the knowledge on the subject, so he started browsing for something new which was when he ran across a book written in Old English. It irritated him that he couldn’t read it so his next project was learning Old English. 

Elena couldn’t believe how much of an information sponge he was. Now that she was thinking about it, she could see some signs from when she knew him in the future that he was smarter than he pretended to be. More than once she caught him reading some giant ancient looking book. Every so often, he would let slip some arcane fact that no normal person would know. He even, now that she knew what to look for, often got an amused glint in his eye whenever people started talking about certain subjects. Like he knew something they didn’t. 

It turned out that Elena could learn languages this way and by the time he moved on to another project she knew Old English as well as Latin. They stayed in New York for almost two decades, always in the shadows. Always alone. Damon didn’t dare get close to anyone again and Elena hated it. He had so much to offer, but his hatred of everything he was prevented him from even trying. They didn’t leave New York until he got word that his nephew was killed. He knew that his half-brother had died a few years ago from consumption, but didn’t go home for that one. This was different though. This was a murder. 

They arrived in time for the funeral where Damon noticed a familiar face. “Have you been eating the relatives again?” Damon asked Stefan as he walked up. He forced a jovial tone, but Elena could feel the steel underneath it. It couldn’t be coincidence that Stefan was back in town at the same time their nephew was murdered. 

“Damon,” Stefan said with a bright smile. He was more than glad to see his brother again. 

“It’s been a long time, brother,” Damon said tightly, looking anywhere but at Stefan. 

“I’m surprised you came,” Stefan tried to make conversation. 

“And miss the funeral of…what do you call him? ‘Uncle’ Zachariah?” 

“I see you’re still mad at me,” Stefan said sadly. 

“Why would I be mad at you, Stefan? You made me become a vampire and now I walk the world alone drinking other people’s blood,” Damon said emotionlessly. Elena could feel the emotion bubbling in him though. The more time passed and the more Damon hated what he was the more he hated his brother for forcing it on him. 

“Any chance you took it all out on our nephew Zachariah?” Stefan asked curiously. He didn’t think so, but he just had to be sure. 

Elena felt the anger bubble up in Damon and that and couldn’t really blame him. “If I’m not mistaken, /you/ were the one who killed our family members, may our father rest in peace.” 

“I’m not like that anymore, Damon,” Stefan assured him. 

“Congratulations, Stefan. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to live out my eternal existence as far away from you as possible,” Damon said tightly turning to leave. Elena wondered when the eternity of misery was going to start. Right now, Damon just wanted to get away and stay away. 

“Damon, wait. Let’s grab a drink. Catch up,” Stefan suggested hopefully. Damon turned around slowly, unable to believe the nerve of Stefan to even ask that. “I’ve missed you brother.” 

Damon fought with himself for a long moment before deciding, “Sure. Why not.” Elena could feel the hope blossoming though, despite everything, that maybe he could actually manage to get his brother back. Maybe he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. 

Their drinks led them to a carnival where they ran across a woman offering a hundred dollars to any man who could beat her in a fight and Elena could feel Damon’s interest stir. It surprised her a lot. Other than the normal arousal while feeding on women, he hadn’t shown the slightest interest in anyone since becoming a vampire. She would have groaned when she realized that it probably meant that she was finally going to have to deal with them having sex with someone. She had almost started to hope that his promiscuity was all an act too. After a fifty year dry spell she had been holding out hope that it would be longer. She had managed to get used to him using his hand over the years but this was very different.


	7. Chapter 7

Stefan offered to teach Damon how to live without human blood but Damon was more than a little irritated by it, and Elena couldn’t really blame him. Stefan forced him to become a monster then tried to lecture him about being one. He didn’t even ask how Damon lived. He didn’t even care. It wasn’t like Damon killed people often. When Damon walked away, he found himself confronted with the strong woman. “What’s your name?” she asked him. 

“Not interested,” Damon said quickly as he went to walk off. 

She just grabbed his arm and pulled him back though. “Well Mr. not interested. You seem to me like a gambling man.”

“I’m afraid you have me all wrong,” Damon said tightly. Elena could tell that he definitely was interested and felt guilty for it. That was when she realized that his ‘dry spell’ was him trying to be faithful to Katherine. Katherine who was out there running around somewhere and definitely not being faithful to him. Hell, she wasn’t even faithful to him when they were together, screwing around with Stefan too. It broke her heart that he showed so much loyalty to someone who didn’t deserve it. It was almost enough to make her hope that he loosened up and actually did sleep with someone. 

Sage pulled out a hundred dollar bill and flashed it in his face for a moment before reaching down and tucking it into the front of his pants and Elena was surprised that he managed not to react outwardly at the spike of arousal that went through them. Damon decided to deal with it by feeding and since Stefan had abandoned him, he went to find his prey. Unfortunately he was already so on edge and half drunk from drinking with Stefan, so his control wasn’t the best. As the woman hit the ground and Damon pulled out his handkerchief to clean his face, they heard a condescending voice from behind them. “How sad. You’re doing it all wrong. Bad vampire.” 

Elena wondered if she was going to say something about the killing. She didn’t seem like the type for that though. “I was hungry. Now I am not hungry. My quality of form is purely subjective,” Damon said irritated at her gall. More so due to the remorse that was washing over him. 

“A woman is not just for food. She is for pleasure,” Sage chided him. 

“I do not need a woman for pleasure. I am spoken for,” Damon said shortly as he tried to walk away, but once again she grabbed his arm to stop him. 

“We are all spoken for in some way, but what is being a vampire if not relishing in the pleasure of it,” she told him before she was the one to walk off, beckoning him to follow. 

That was when Elena knew what was happening now. This woman was the one who taught him to enjoy being a vampire and for the life of her she couldn’t manage to regret it. Anything that helped him stop hating himself so much would be worth it. Even if it did cost more lives. Damon deserved to be happy too damnit. She paid attention to the lessons she taught him about how to pick your prey and how to enjoy it. Then the moment Elena had been dreading. 

Sage led Damon back to her tent and pulled him into a kiss. Elena tried to be disgusted at kissing a woman, but Damon’s pleasure was interfering with that. Elena did her best to tune out what was actually happening and just focus on the feelings and sensations flowing through them, but it didn’t work very well. As Sage shoved their shirt over their shoulders and started trailing her hands and especially her nails over their bare skin, Damon shuddered in pleasure as they gripped her ass, pulling her tightly against his aching erection. 

Sage turned and pressed him back onto her bed as her clothes fell to the floor. She kissed down their body as she slowly undid their pants and the moment she took Damon’s dick in her mouth, his brain short circuited and even Elena didn’t give a shit about anything anymore. God how could this feel so amazing. Now she knew why Matt had liked it so much, not that she had done it often. She could even understand why Stefan didn’t want her to. Why he said it would wreck his control. This could wreck anyone’s control. 

Damon writhed and moaned beneath her and it did seem like long at all before he was spilling himself down her throat. Elena could feel his spike of embarrassment at getting off so fast, but seriously. As good as that felt after not having anything but their hand for fifty years it was more than understandable. Sage told him that now that he’d taken the edge off the real education could begin and the next few hours were spent with her patiently teaching him the best ways to please a woman and himself at the same time. Despite his embarrassment, he eagerly soaked up every lesson. 

As much as Elena tried to tune it out, she couldn’t. If Damon was paying attention then so was she. It was beyond frustrating and completely mortifying, but she suspected she would have to get used to this just like she had to get used to him touching himself. That had been horrible at first too but now it barely phased her. Once she came to that conclusion she just tried to let herself enjoy it as much as Damon was and the first time his cock slid into her, the wash of ecstasy bowled her over. Was this how it always felt for men? No wonder they liked sex so much. Not that she didn’t like it. It was nice. Pleasurable even. But nothing like this. 

The next day, Damon tried to pass his lessons on to his brother. The prey part naturally, not the sex part. He wished so much to get his brother back that Elena’s heart broke for him, knowing it wouldn’t happen. She didn’t know how it would play out yet, but she knew that they never really reconnected. “I don’t do that anymore,” he said nervously. 

“But you can, Stefan. /We/ can. Let the past be the past. Have a drink with me brother,” Damon said hopefully and his brother finally agreed. Unfortunately, it didn’t go so well. They tried to stop him when he started taking too much but he just shoved Damon away and they watched in horror as Stefan lost so much control, he ripped her head off. 

Stefan started babbling apologies as he tried to put her head back on and Damon tried to calm him. “You just need to learn when to stop. I can help you,” Damon offered desperately only to get shoved away as Stefan took off. Damon felt so horrible that Elena would have cried if she could in this form, and it only got worse as Stefan went more and more off the rails. The ripper of Monterey they started calling him. 

Damon found himself taking comfort in Sage’s bed most nights until the morning he woke up and she was gone. Never to be seen again. Damon fell apart even more at that. Why did everyone always abandon him? Marie, Stefan, now Sage. Would he be alone forever? God how much Elena wanted to tell him that he wasn’t alone. That she was there and she had always been there. It wasn’t long after that when Stefan moved on too, leaving a trail of headless bodies in his wake, and Damon followed him, convinced that this was his fault, so he did his best to clean up after his brother and at the very least keep him from getting caught. Elena felt bad about how much responsibility he was taking. 

She remembered that he told Stefan once that his actions were his own and Stefan wasn’t allowed to feel his guilt. She wished he would take his own advice. They ended up in Chicago, and mostly managed to enjoy their life there. In his down time, Damon managed to take the lessons that Sage had given him and try to expand on them. Everything from the Karma Sutra, anatomy of the nervous system and anything in between and by the time the twenties rolled in, he was ready to start experimenting. 

There was plenty of following Stefan around and cleaning up after him though and another brief trip that ended up bringing back some old memories. They had been laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep when there was another presence in their mind again, calling for help. Elena and Damon were both very confused, but it reminded them of when Emily called to him, and Elena could feel him decide to check it out.


	8. Chapter 8

Damon found and stole a car, despite the fact that running would be faster. If he ran that far though it would exhaust him. The call for help included the impression of a location so at least they knew where to go. As they crept up on the location they could hear a woman screaming and children crying, and Elena could feel the sympathy welling up in Damon, but it wasn’t until they heard someone mention how much he would enjoy ending the Bennett witches once and for all, that he decided to intervene. They both realized about the same time that Emily must have found a spell to tie him to her descendants for him to hear them calling for help. It made sense. He would never have been able to actually follow them forever. 

Damon sped into the room and ripped the hearts out of the first two vampires before anyone knew they were there and the one that he pegged as the ringleader was soon against the wall with a stake in his stomach paralyzing him. “Talk,” Damon ordered coldly, no daring to spare a thought to the woman tied to a chair and bleeding or the two children huddled in a corner crying. It took a little more torture, but he spilled the fact that he’d been cursed by a Bennett witch two centuries ago and as long as their line survived he would never be able to end the curse. He had gotten another witch to enchant a bracelet that would block her magic and he managed to put it on her before she knew he was there. As soon as he was done spilling his guts, Damon pulled the stake from his chest and buried it in his heart. 

They then went over and untied the woman so that she could tend to the children. Damon couldn’t even bear to look at children ever since he lost Marie and avoided them like the plague. When she tried to ask his name and thank him, he just disappeared. He couldn’t handle being around them. They were back in Chicago the next day to find that Stefan had some new friends. Since they were vampires too, Damon kept his distance, choosing instead to party in different locations and had a woman in his bed almost every night screaming his name for hours. 

Stefan’s new friends apparently took over cleaning up after him which left Damon with a lot more free time, and he even took the time to snoop around Stefan’s apartment which was when he found the very long list of names written in the cupboard door. Elena was bowled over by the wash of pain as Damon realized what they were and her horror joined his. Especially as their hand reached out to trace the first name on the list Giuseppe Salvatore. It was a chronicle of his victims. There were so many. Elena even caught a couple Gilberts on the list. Even with as bad as Damon had gotten for a while, his count didn’t reach this high and he’d been feeding on humans all along. 

Damon never even got names. Thinking of them as people was a sure fire way for the guilt to crush him, but Stefan reveled in it. That was when Damon realized that he’d turned his humanity off again. They still stuck around for a little longer before they moved on. Damon just couldn’t take any more. Stefan didn’t want his help and he had his new friends to clean up after him now. Elena couldn’t even describe what Damon felt when he heard Stefan call his new friend brother. That had been the last straw for him. 

They wandered around for a few years before they settled in New Orleans which had even more of a party scene than Chicago had and Damon lost himself in it. Their time in New Orleans also led to them picking up the French language. It was easier for Damon to pick up women that way since a lot of them spoke French and the ones that didn’t loved the way he spoke it. As much discomfort as the sex still gave Elena, she was glad that Damon was learning how to have fun now. She loved reading and learning as much as anyone, but it had gotten tiring doing nothing but. People still died from time to time, but he was still mostly keeping control, even with his constant drinking. 

It wasn’t until nineteen forty two that something changed in their life. Damon met someone more special than the rest. He didn’t love her, but he did care for her. She was the first person he’d let himself care for since Sage and only the second since Marie. Not counting Stefan of course who’d already broken his heart a few times. It was her devotion to him that made him care, despite how hard he tried not to. Most women were devoted to him in bed, but she was more than that. She offered acceptance for everything that he was. She loved him, despite his dark side, and Elena knew how much that meant to him. When she asked him to turn her, he didn’t hesitate to do so. 

It wasn’t long after that when Stefan walked back into Damon’s life. They had been sitting at the bar in their usual haunt when they felt a hand on their shoulder. Damon turned to look at him and his heart leapt to his throat. He kept a steady tone when he joked, “You look like a guy I used to know,” but Elena could feel his inner turmoil. 

“Hello, Damon,” Stefan said nervously. 

“Come to put a stake in my heart?” Damon asked him mostly joking. 

“More like bury the hatchet,” Stefan told him, reaching out his hand. 

Elena could feel Damon struggling with the idea, but the hope eventually won out and he took his brother’s hand pulling him into a hug, feeling as happy as he’d ever been. They were soon joined by a friend of Stefan’s, Lexi, as they spent the evening catching up and actually being brother’s again. When Stefan was talking about how he was getting ready to ship out with the army, Damon immediately decided to join up. He’d been through one war, but this one he could be by his brother’s side. That would be infinitely better. He just got his brother back. He couldn’t just let him walk away again. It was his job to watch his back, now that he would let him. 

When Stefan went to get them another round, Lexi had other ideas. She moved over next to them and said, “You’re not going.” 

“I don’t like you,” Damon told her. Who the hell was she to try and take him away from his brother. 

“In nineteen twelve you pressured Stefan to drink human blood. He’s been trying to put his ripper days behind him, but he needs to see death and blood and deal with them as a part of life. He needs balance. Restraint.”

“What makes you think that I’m not balanced and restrained?” Damon asked. Elena wanted to know that too. She could feel Damon’s restraint every day. She couldn’t really argue with the balance part though. He tended to get lost in things and forget everything else. Like the partying right now for instance or getting lost in books for years at other times. 

“The fact that you never have been. You think of what you want first, second, and third. Stefan’s better off alone than in your company,” she sneered at him. 

Elena wanted to rip her head off. She had liked Lexi when she met her in the future, but this version she despised. How dare she. She knew nothing about Damon and was obviously just going off Stefan’s bitter stories. Damon had tried so hard to help Stefan so many times. All he wanted was to not be alone. So he went after what he wanted. So what. He didn’t usually have anyone else to think about. When he did, he always placed himself last. Always. “I beg to differ,” Damon snapped, but before anything else could be said, Stefan returned with their drinks. 

Unfortunately, that was the cue for everything to go wrong as Charlotte came up, carrying a half-conscious woman who she’d fed on, offering to share with Damon. The woman’s blood clearly was making Stefan lose it, and Damon tried to fix it, but Lexi just dragged Stefan away, throwing a comment back over her shoulder that, “She’s better off without you too.” Ugh Elena wanted to kill her. Now she was trying to take away the only bright spot Damon had ever managed to find in his life. 

Damon chose not to listen to her though, much to Elena’s relief, and went and signed up for the army. They still had a few weeks before they shipped out though so he had some time to spend with Charlotte first. During that time, he learned that she was sire-bound to him and he was horrified. As Elena picked up what it meant from his thoughts, she was just as horrified. This girl was basically a slave in the worst possible way. She didn’t blame Damon though, despite the fact that he blamed himself. She watched Damon try his hardest not to take advantage of her before looking for a witch to try and break the bond.


	9. Chapter 9

They were both disgusted at what they had to do to break it, but after a little deliberation, Damon decided to do it. Elena came to the conclusion that she didn’t have an opinion either way. Damon was put in an impossible situation and there was no good answer. He did take care to kill the right kind of people, if there was such a thing. The twelve people weighed heavily on his conscience, but he had freed Charlotte and walked away. No matter how much it killed him. He just couldn’t even look at her anymore after all this. 

Thankfully, he wouldn’t have to. It was almost time to leave. He headed to the station with his gear and his new uniform only to be met by Lexi. “Damon,” she called. “I know what you did. And you’re not going overseas with Stefan. Do you understand me?” 

“Well Uncle Sam begs to differ,” Damon smirked, not willing to allow her to run his life the way she seemed to run Stefan’s. 

“You just killed twelve innocent people,” Lexi said disgustedly. 

Elena wished that she would just ask why for once. “How do you know they didn’t have it coming?” Damon asked heatedly. For crying out loud, they were about to go to war and probably end up killing a lot more than that and she was playing the morally righteous card. 

“Your brother has spent the last twenty years wracked with guilt. Fighting the temptation to drink human blood. He’s serving in war as penance for the pain that he’s caused. If he finds out what you did, he’ll want to know how it is that you function without guilt with the things that you do. He’ll turn to you for guidance, like he did before, and he’ll become the ripper of Monterey all over again,” Lexi tried to explain. 

“I’ve pretty much been on my own since our little falling out in nineteen twelve,” Damon told her. “Did you ever think that I just need my little brother?” 

“And that’s why you can’t go,” Lexi said sadly. “It might be good for you, Damon, but it will destroy Stefan. For once, you need to put someone else in front of yourself. You need to let him go.” 

Elena could feel Damon wresting with the decision as he decided that Lexi was right. He was no good for Stefan. He was no good for anyone. Every time he tried to get close to anyone it all went to hell. Stefan would be better off without him. Everyone would. “Good luck, brother,” he whispered as he looked out at the platform where Stefan was waiting for him before he walked away. 

Elena could see Lexi’s point to a degree, but she was still being beyond unfair to Damon and Damon feeling like he was poison made her want to scream. How could anyone so good be judged so unfairly? It wasn’t right. Then she realized that she had done the same thing. She had never asked for his reasons. She had never tried to understand his position. She just judged him at every turn. Probably reinforcing the feelings that were creeping into him now and she hated herself for it just as much as she hated Lexi for causing them in the first place. She could see now why Damon had killed her in the future. She still didn’t think it was right exactly, but the more time she spent in Damon the more she realized that right and wrong were far more grey than she ever realized. They were abstract concepts that had no place in the supernatural world. Her naivete was being stripped away bit by bit. 

Once he walked away from Stefan, Damon decided that he needed to find some of that balance that Lexi had mentioned. Maybe he could manage to salvage something of his life eventually. After quite a bit of soul-searching, he decided to get back to his roots. He compelled himself a spot at Georgetown University, much to Elena’s surprise, and studied literature. When he decided to focus on medieval literature, since he already knew Latin and Old English, he also picked up Greek and Old Slavonic. With regards to his goal of balance, he did quite a bit of partying, always on the weekends, but it still took a while for him to get the hang of both partying and sex along with studying. 

By their sophomore year, he had it figured out though and their grades soared. Elena realized that she was going to be beyond bored finishing high school after all this. By the time Damon had his bachelor’s degree, they were fluent in Greek and Old Slavonic as well and Damon was going for his masters which only took him a year and then it was time for the PhD. Not only was college life great for parties and fun, but the subject matter was beyond interesting to him, so he wanted to keep it going. 

The college years were good for a lot of things. Feeding was so simple that he didn’t even have to try anymore and there was plenty of sex to go around. It also helped to hone his discipline and have fun. He still never got close to anyone though. Oh, he pretended. There were plenty of people who thought he was their friend. He laughed and joked and hung around, but there was never any substance to it. Any sense of actual connection was kept carefully under wraps. Elena wondered if he would ever get over that. If he would ever let anyone get close again. 

Of course, she didn’t count Katherine in that. The same dreams still came every night. Well, not exactly the same dream. Those varied regularly, but always the same star. The same melding of her and Katherine and Elena realized that yes. It was the dream version that Damon loved so desperately. That he had never stopped loving and pining for all these years. That he would kill and die for. She was the only person that Damon allowed in his heart anymore. 

Once Damon had his PhD, he got an offer to teach at Whitmore college near Mystic Falls and he easily accepted. It would be nice to see home again. He was a little iffy on the idea of teaching, but it could be fun. A new experience at least. Elena was surprised at how good he was at it, though he never completely enjoyed it. Not like a calling. He didn’t hate it or anything either though. He was just marking time. One thing he did enjoy was the feeding opportunities. Being a professor offered even more than being a student had and his students became his primary source of nourishment. He was much more careful not to kill any of them though. 

Unfortunately, his feeding habits drew the attention of the Augustine Society, who approached his living family. Damon was more than surprised to get an invitation to dinner from his few times great nephew, but saw no reason not to go. Maybe it would end up being a good thing. Even as hard as he tried to sever any connections to the world, family would always mean something to him. That dinner ended up getting him dosed with vervain. He lashed out instinctively and killed his nephew as he went down, but he never even got a chance to feel the remorse before they were unconscious. 

They woke up strapped to a table and both Damon and Elena learned the real meaning of pain. Only the way Damon kept careful track of the days told them how much time was passing. Aside from their heart, just about every organ had been removed at least once as they screamed in agony and the doctor made careful note of the time it took for them to grow back. Their eyes were cut out, extremities cut off, flesh eating bacteria, acids, every horrific thing either of them could imagine was inflicted on them for years as careful notes were made of each and every reaction. 

Just as bad as the agonizing torture was the hunger. They were given a tiny cup of blood each day. Just enough to keep them alive and healing. Elena remembered complaining about the hunger at first. How insatiable it was as a new vampire. She’d had no idea what hunger was before now and neither had Damon. Feeling his alternating hope that Stefan would find him and rescue him and anger that he didn’t was killing Elena and every time he managed to consider turning off his humanity to escape it, all Elena could think was that she hoped it would work for her too. 

Their only reprieve was the chattering of their somehow cheerful neighbor. It was around four years in when this neighbor came up with a plan to get them out. Elena was just as skeptical as Damon, but at that point they were so desperate they’d try anything. They both felt guilty for being so glad that they won the rock paper scissors and would get double rations for the next year. Enzo kept just enough to keep him alive as they got stronger. The torture was still unbearable but there was a light at the end of the tunnel now. 

Finally, the night of the party came around and their escape. The hunger was still so unbearable that they fed indiscriminately on the guests and even snapped the necks of a few that got too close. They were completely lost in the bloodlust, even as a candleholder got knocked over and a fire started. It was Enzo’s voice that pulled them from it and they rushed over to try and get the cage open. Elena could feel Damon’s desperation and anguish as they couldn’t get it open and she knew what he was going to do a split second before he did. 

She knew that he would never be able to walk away. In their shared torment, Enzo had managed to work his way into Damon’s heart and Damon was nothing if not loyal to those he cared about. But there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t get the cage opened and if they didn’t leave now then they would die here. Elena felt the sudden emptiness of Damon’s feeling as the switch flipped and he turned and walked away. Unfortunately, it didn’t work for her too. She could still feel everything.


	10. Chapter 10

Damon may not have been able to feel anything for the people he was killing, but Elena still could and it was almost as much torture as what they’d been through in that lab. Their first stop after leaving had been to Dr. Whitmore’s family. He killed the doctor’s son and daughter-in-law, but left their six year old son alive. She’d heard these revenge plans more than once, both in his head and what he’d told Enzo. She never even blamed him for it even. She just hadn’t expected it to be so clinical. Sure he got the pleasure from the revenge, but even that was just a shadow compared to real feelings. All she felt was sadness for them. 

The killing spree didn’t stop there though, not that Elena had expected it to. She could feel Damon’s cruelty coming to the surface. Every pain and heartache he had suffered for the last hundred years was going to be paid out to anyone and everyone. Innocent or not. Her only consolation was that even as far gone as he was, he never harmed a child. She didn’t think she could have handled it if he had gone there. She was having enough trouble as it was drowning in all the blood and death as they moved all over the country. Elena had learned in history that the sixties and seventies had been the worst era for serial killers and most of them had never been caught. Now she knew why. 

The only break from the death was for the sex which was very different now that Damon didn’t have his humanity. She could see now how much care he had always put into everything he did before and that was missing now. It was all about instant gratification. It never mattered what the women wanted. There was even more than one orgy during that time and that was something that she’d never dreamed she would ever experience. Elena never thought that she would be glad to see Lexi again after last time, but when she showed up in New York, Elena could have kissed her. Even more so when she told him why she was there. 

He let her drag him up to the roof as she realized what was going on. “Well that explains it. Your switch is flipped.” 

“Ugh, would you mind? I can’t even hear my prey over your constant babbling,” Damon rolled his eyes as Elena just hoped this would work. She could handle his normal bad guy behavior, but this was killing her. 

“You’re not even covering your tracks. We heard about you back in Mystic Falls,” Lexi snapped. 

“So Stefan sent you,” Damon sneered. “Hmm. I thought we were in the off part of our endless on again off again eternity of misery cycle.” 

“Luckily for you, he cared just enough to send me,” she smirked. “So why’d you flip it? What traumatic event was too much for Damon Salvatore to handle,” she taunted. 

Oh if only she knew. While part of Elena wished that she would get off her high horse and drop the attitude, she knew that there was no other way to get through to Damon. If she started being all nice and sympathetic he would probably just kill her for it. “Leave it to Beaver. The fifties bored me,” Damon mocked as he turned away. 

Lexi grabbed his arm and swung him back around. “Well it’s the seventies now and leaving it off is gonna get you caught and killed.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Damon snapped. 

“Well I won’t,” Lexi argued. “I promised Stefan that I would…”

Damon spun around irritated. “Look, you and Stefan have a thing, I get it. He falls off the wagon, you pick him up. He gets redeemed, you get your Florence Nightingale jollies. Well I’m not him, and I don’t want or need you.” 

“Well too bad. Because you’ve got me,” Lexi said firmly. 

Elena was surprised at Lexi’s methods. Based on their previous encounters she would have expected a firmer hand, not that it would have helped at all, but they actually had fun. She didn’t try to force him away from feeding on human’s like she did Stefan, but tried to rein him in and reteach him moderation. Feeding without killing. Partying without losing control. How to enjoy life. And every night, once the party was over and the bar was shut down and Damon was on the verge of passing out, she started pushing him to talk about Katherine. When his defenses were low from his exhaustion and his hunger was well sated and he was calm. 

Elena could tell it was starting to work. It had taken months to get to this point, but he was finally starting to feel something again. Unfortunately, that just made him pull away even harder. She realized what he was about to do at the same time he thought it and she groaned. She was yelling at him the entire time he seduced Lexi and pretended to love her, made even worse by the way Lexi fell for it and seemed to have feelings for him too. As much as she understood where he was coming from, she still hated it. 

Elena had stopped being phased by the sex years ago, but since she knew Lexi it made this one a little more uncomfortable for all that she had missed the full giving Damon Salvatore experience. If there was one plus side, she could almost feel a shred of remorse building when he left her on the roof to die. Elena was just glad that she would survive. As much for Damon’s sake as hers and Stefan’s. If the remorse for that was almost enough to break through to his humanity, it would have killed him once he got it back. 

Damon was managing to push it back and keep his humanity from intruding, but it was getting harder and harder and then the final straw came. A mental cry for help, presumably from a Bennett witch. He considered ignoring it, but then the image of Marie popped into his head and his humanity came crashing back. Along with the crushing guilt and agonizing realization that he was truly the monster that he’d tried so hard for so long not to be. He would never be able to make up for any of it, but he could save that one little girl. For Marie’s sake. And Emily’s. 

Damon was beyond glad that cars were faster in this time period and he pushed his Camaro to it’s limit as he raced towards Mystic Falls, weaving in and out of the traffic, using his vampire reflexes for all they were worth. He skidded to a stop at the edge of town three hours later and ran the rest of the way. The vampire was dead before he even registered anyone there and Damon tossed his heart onto his body as he went to untie the five year old girl. “Thank you mister,” she sniffled. “I’m Abby. Who are you?” 

“No one you need to know, kid,” Damon told her. “You should get home.”

“Will you come with me?” she asked fearfully, not wanting to go alone. 

Elena could feel Damon fighting with himself. This girl reminded him so much of Marie that he couldn’t bear to be around her any more than he could bear to leave her alone and terrified to make her way home. Finally he nodded. “Fine. Come on.” His heart clenched when she slipped her hand in his as they started walking, and even more as she started chattering as she led him towards her house. She told him how she and her mom had gotten into a fight and she ran away but then the scary man grabbed her and was gonna trade her back to her mom for something. She didn’t stop talking the whole way, completely oblivious to how much she was tearing Damon’s heart out. When they finally stopped in front of the house that Elena knew well, she said, “This is where I live. You should come in and meet…” That was as far as she got before Damon disappeared. 

It took Elena a few minutes to realize that had been Bonnie’s mother. Even after she recognized her house. She had been more concerned with the wave of emotions emanating from Damon and threatening to overwhelm her. Not only were his emotions always so much stronger than she could take, but after so long of not getting any it just made it that much worse. Damon started driving again, but didn’t make it as far as he wanted before it got too much for him and they stopped in Philadelphia. He compelled a hotel room and made it that far before he fell apart. 

Once again, they knew burning hunger as Damon barely left the room even to feed. Elena could feel him going back and forth between wanting to die and letting his survival instinct win. Even as hungry as he was, the crushing guilt he was already carrying allowed him not to lose control and kill the people he fed on. Elena wished she could get the old Damon back. The one before the Augustines took them. Before he was betrayed by his own blood. Before all the torture and death. He hadn’t been perfect. He’d had his issues, but seeing him this bad off was almost unbearable.


	11. Chapter 11

It took almost ten years to pull Damon out of his rut, but he got better slowly over time. The more he proved that he didn’t have to be the monster, the easier it was for him to get it out of his head. To bury the remorse down deep enough that he didn’t have to feel it if he didn’t want to. He struggled a lot to find himself again and he was back to his old life of balance. For the most part. Sometimes the parties and sex took more of a precedent than anything else, but it was better than it was. A couple years after Damon was fully back in swing, Elena spotted someone else she knew and realized that she was about to have to deal with that uncomfortable experience again as Damon approached Bree at a frat party. 

Elena knew part of the story. The basics at least. She learned his secret when he tried to compel her to let him feed, but it didn’t work which was when she told him she was a witch. Elena could feel Damon’s revulsion at first. He despised witches. Ever since Luella had taken Marie from him. He despised their judgement and hypocrisy. He despised the power they held over him and the threat they posed. His hatred was stopped in it’s tracks though by Bree’s casual acceptance of him and he found himself in the same position he had been with Charlotte all those years ago. She cared. Despite knowing what he was and at least some of what he’d done, she cared and that managed to touch his cold heart. 

They spent the next few months completely wrapped up in each other. Right up until the moment she told him that she loved him and Elena felt his panic as he realized how much he cared for her too. He didn’t love her exactly. But he realized that he could have. Maybe. Eventually. Which was when the thought of Katherine filled his mind. The Katherine from his dreams. The one that was more Elena than Katherine. Sleeping around while she was unavailable was one thing, but he couldn’t do this. He left that night and didn’t come back. 

They spent the next few years drifting aimlessly before Damon realized that he never thanked his brother for sending Lexi to bring him back. He tried calling a few times. Even left messages, but never heard back so he headed for Mystic Falls himself. Elena could feel his nervousness as he rang the bell and pretended to keep things light, even joking about the bad news in the paper. Realizing that he was blocked from the house was a blow. “Barely seen you in fifty years, Stefan. Not gonna invite a brother in?” 

“Give me one good reason why,” Stefan asked snottily. 

“Check your answering machine,” Damon said, nerves showing a little more now. “Trying to turn over a new leaf.” 

“Oh I heard your message. I also heard you sent Lexi some flowers. Seventeen years after you left her to burn to death on a rooftop,” Stefan said coldly. 

Okay, so Elena could see his point, but honestly. It wasn’t like he’d never done worse and clearly put himself back together. Shouldn’t Damon get the same consideration? Stefan had no idea what Damon had been through. “Oh…well…” Damon stammered. 

“It’s a little late, but I can see you’re trying to make amends. I just want to know why,” Stefan crossed his arms stubbornly. 

“Ugh…well…I can tell you this, Stefan. I’m tired of tearing up New York City and maybe it’s the partying, maybe it’s my conscience…”

“Well I believe that would require one,” Stefan snarked. 

Elena wanted to hit him. That was beyond unfair. Damon had more of a conscience than any of them knew and he was here trying his best to move on and that comment was just hurtful and wasn’t meant to be anything but. Elena could feel Damon’s train of thought change at that and the honest answer went out the window to be replaced by the casual one. He didn’t want to bare his soul for it to be stomped on. “And then I had this moment of clarity. I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I just woke up in my own bed. Could have a fresh start.” 

Thankfully, the conversation went a little better from there and Stefan seemed willing to give Damon the benefit of the doubt and let Zach invite him in. Things went well for a little while. Stefan and Damon started to reconnect and be like brothers again, and they got their first taste of animal blood. Elena had no idea how Damon managed to keep it down. It was the most disgusting thing she’d ever tasted, and she’d had Jeremy’s cooking once so that was saying a lot. It seemed to start going bad when Damon, just being himself, made a remark about Gail. He intentionally made it seem like it was a sexual comment, and it was to some degree, but it was her protruding stomach that Damon was more interested in. The idea of having another chance to raise a baby. 

Stefan took great offense at it though. He chose to see it as a sign that his brother would never change. Like being promiscuous was the worst thing in the world. There was nothing wrong with making a few comments here and there. It wasn’t like he actually tried anything. And sure, swapping out their coffee so he could feed on Gail wasn’t the best thing in the world, but he was exceptionally careful with her. He even fed from her wrist so he could control the flow better. Stefan was on his case so much about feeding on the townspeople and had even taken to following him whenever he left the house so what else was he supposed to do. 

Elena was surprised to realize that they were in the era where she was alive now when she saw the sheriff…well not yet she wasn’t, but she would be, and Damon was shown a baby picture of Caroline. Damon was enjoying showing off his intelligence in his normal flirty way when he was suddenly waylaid by Stefan who had realized what he was doing. He tried to explain how he was only feeding in the house and no one was hurt or even remembered it. Snatch, eat, erase he called it. Stefan wouldn’t listen though and that’s when things really fell apart. 

Elena felt their neck snap and when they woke up they were on the floor of a shed with Stefan standing in the doorway. “So here’s what I don’t get, Damon. Why did you insinuate yourself back into my life and then cheat and lie? Break all the rules?” 

“Well I lied because I knew you’d be mad,” Damon groaned, trying to work the kinks out of their muscles. “Believe it or not, I like being here Stefan.” When he started to walk over, they ended up in a beam of sunlight and felt the pain of burning. Compared to everything else they’d been through it was nothing, but it still hurt. A lot. 

“You’ll get your daylight ring back when you decide to behave,” Stefan said stubbornly. “Now. Answer my question. Why’d you come back here?” 

Elena could feel the hurt welling up in Damon far worse than any physical pain. “Because I missed my brother,” Damon said pointedly. “I wanted to have a connection to my humanity. I wanted to feel something again and when I decided to come back home it all came rushing back just like I hoped it would.” All he wanted was a connection. Someone that he could care about. To not be alone anymore. 

“Congratulations. Now what?” Stefan asked sarcastically. 

“Come on, man. Let’s just hit the road. You and me. I’ll let you drive my car. Get you off this vegan diet. Teach you how to feed again,” Damon suggested hopefully. “It’ll be great, Stef. Hm? What do you say? Come on. Trust me.” Elena could feel Damon’s desperation to just get his brother back. 

“Yeah, I can imagine a road trip with you,” Stefan said thoughtfully. 

“Yeah,” Damon said with satisfaction and Elena could feel the hope well up in him before the next words fell from Stefan’s mouth like knives directly in Damon’s heart. 

“I can imagine you feeding on innocent people and leaving a trail of bodies behind. I can imagine you making me drink human blood and laughing at me while I suffer.”

“Way to be an optimist, Stefan,” Damon said in defeat, realizing that he was never going to get anywhere. 

“Just looking at the facts, Damon,” Stefan pointed out. “Nineteen twelve you convince me to drink human blood again which was why I became a ripper. Nineteen forty two you almost pushed me off the rails again because you were so damn needy. Nineteen seventy seven you left by best friend to die after I sent her to come help you.” 

Elena was stewing over Stefan’s claims. In nineteen twelve Damon had just been trying to help. Tried to teach him moderation and control. It wasn’t Damon’s fault that he’d gone off the rails. Damon had run himself into the ground trying to help him. And how dare Stefan complain about Damon being needy. He’d been alone for so long and just wanted his brother back. He just wanted to find something good in his life again. He wasn’t lucky enough to have friends to care about just because he cared too much. He needed his brother. And yeah, the thing with Lexi was pretty shitty of him, but his humanity had been off. Stefan had done far worse when his humanity was off and he was sitting here throwing stones. 

Stefan wasn’t done ripping his brother’s heart out yet. “And now, I’m finally happy. I have a new life. I’m doing well, and uh…you just can’t handle that, can you Damon?” 

“I’m not trying to screw up your dumb new life,” Damon snapped. 

“You don’t have to try, Damon. All you have to do is exist. Because no matter what I do or where I go you will be with me forever, trying to destroy every single thing that I build. I don’t know why I thought that this time would be any different. I wanted it to be different. But you just keep failing,” Stefan snapped before walking off. 

“Guess that’s a no on the road trip huh?” Damon asked wryly, trying his damndest to cover his shattered heart. 

“That’s a no on the road trip,” Stefan said in an almost sneer, leaving his broken brother trapped in a shed by the sun.


	12. Chapter 12

Elena had never hated Stefan more than she did right now. Even watching him leave a trail of destruction behind hadn’t been this bad. It was like he knew the exact words to completely shatter his brother. Saying that his very existence was poison. That he brought death everywhere he went. That he destroyed everything. That he was a failure. He was just piling more wood onto the fire that started when Marie was taken from him and just built with every heartache, every abandonment, every harsh word from everyone who should have cared made all the worse by the fact that this was his brother saying those things. 

Stefan had made him what he was and now he was judging him for it. Damon wasn’t hurting anyone. He had to eat just like anyone else and he was doing it humanely. Safely. But that wasn’t good enough for Stefan. He wanted Damon to suffer like he did. Just because Stefan didn’t know the meaning of moderation didn’t mean that Damon should suffer for it. None of this had been his choice and he’d managed to make the best of it. He’d picked himself up every time he got knocked down and just kept trying. To reach out. To be better. To make his own life for himself. But it was never good enough. Not for the first time she wished that she could tell Damon that it was good enough. That /he/ was good enough. She swore that when and if she ever got out of here she would do just that. 

Then came the moment that Damon snapped and Elena had no idea what was about to happen, but she knew that it wouldn’t be good. She had felt him like this before, but never this bad. This wasn’t the emotionless cruelty of someone with their humanity off. This was pure bone-deep pain and rage given form and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it so she just braced herself for the worst. The moment the eclipse started and the sun disappeared, Damon was crossing the yard and it was a slaughter. Everyone at the party had been fed on and killed except for the very pregnant Gail who they had by the throat as Stefan and Zach came in. 

“This eclipse party blows. I didn’t see the sun at all when I came across the yard,” Damon sneered. “You forget how much stronger we are when we drink human blood,” Damon huffed a cruel laugh. 

“Damon, please don’t hurt her,” Zach said evenly, voice laced with fear. 

Elena was begging for the same from her silent spot in Damon’s head as he said, “I want my ring back, Stefan.” Stefan immediately pulled it from his pocket and tossed it over to Damon, who caught it easily and slid it back on his finger. “Atta boy.”

“I’m never gonna be rid of you, am I?” Stefan asked resignedly. 

“No. No you’re not,” Damon snapped. “Because in nineteen twelve I showed you who you were, Stefan. In nineteen forty two, I gave you your freedom and in nineteen seventy seven I almost killed your best friend because it should have been /you/ there to help me, Stefan. You owe me. It’ll take you an eternity to pay me back,” Damon said coldly before doing the unthinkable and feeding on and killing Gail. “An eternity of misery brother, just like I promised.” 

It took Elena a good half hour to get over the horror of what she’d just experienced enough to think about Damon’s words and his feelings. Unfortunately, about the time that she managed to think past it, it hit Damon what he’d done and she had a whole new well of overwhelming emotions to deal with. Even at his worst point, he had never harmed a child, but now that baby…Elena hadn’t realized that vampires were even capable of vomiting, but a good half of the blood he’d gorged on that night hit the ground as he fell to his knees in the middle of the woods. 

Elena didn’t think she would ever be able to get this night out of her head. This time he didn’t even have the excuse of having no humanity. He had just completely lost it. The worst part was that she couldn’t even blame him. Not completely. It had been as much Stefan’s fault as anything. Stefan was the one who ripped his heart out. Who had pushed him past the point of no return. Yes, what Damon did with it was on him, but the emotions that drove it…they were completely understandable. What she wasn’t even sure that Damon knew was that it wasn’t just in nineteen seventy seven that he blamed him for not being there, though that was definitely true. 

Stefan should have been the one to help his brother through that. Anyone could send someone else. Showing up himself would have proven that he cared though. Would have given Damon something. Would have gotten through to him much easier. Even beyond that though, what Damon really blamed him for, was not being there when it all started. Not realizing that he was missing. Not coming after him when he was held by the Augustines. Not saving him when he needed him the most. While, deep down, they both knew that Stefan couldn’t have known…at the same time, he should have. 

If he’d cared half as much as Damon did then he would have at least kept tabs on his brother. Seen that he was a professor and suddenly disappeared for no reason and with no trail. He should have found Zach’s father dead and started digging. They had been there for five years. Damon could barely go two without checking up on his brother, even if it was usually from a distance or word of mouth or something, but Stefan hadn’t. And then when Damon did show up, all he did was hurt him. Stefan had destroyed Damon far more completely than Damon had ever done to Stefan. 

Sure, he promised him an eternity of misery, but never followed through on that promise. Until now. Damon had done the one thing that he could never come back from. That he could never forgive himself for. That would haunt him for the rest of his miserable existence and even in the wake of the tragedy, Elena still couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. 

As he started to go off the rails again, Elena recognized the cycle. He’d been through it after losing Marie. After losing Stefan in nineteen twelve. After getting his humanity back after the Augustines. She remembered a time in the future that he had mocked Stefan’s cycles of on and off the wagon and she wondered now how much of that was him mocking himself too. Granted his were a little less extreme, but they still worked the same way. If in the opposite order. Damon had one event that made him snap and the guilt from that sent him on a bender as he worked through the guilt and found his way back. Stefan went on a bender before the guilt crushed him and he jumped straight back on the wagon. 

She thought about when they’d met and did the math for the years and realized that Damon had been in the upswing of his cycle at the time which explained so much. The sporadic death followed by genuine remorse as he got better. In another few years he would have been back to his old self. God how much different would things have been if he hadn’t been alone all this time. If he’d had someone there to hold his hand and tell him that everything was okay. That it was okay to be hurt and upset. Someone to pull him back from the edge before he lost it. Someone that Stefan should have been, but wasn’t. 

Sure, people would still have died. He would have made mistakes. Slipped up. But it wouldn’t have been nearly as bad. Tonight would never have happened. It would never have gotten that far. Damon wasn’t a bad guy. He was a good man who was pushed too far by too many things and too many people too many times. If she ever got out of this, she swore that she would be that person for him. The one he could count on. The one that could pull him back from the edge. That would make everything okay again. Even if it meant that she had to become a vampire to stay by his side. They could be that for each other.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a little over a decade of a spiral before Damon managed to start pulling himself out of it. During that time had been the turning of Isobel, and Elena could see that Damon had downplayed that whole thing when he talked about it. She was more glad than she could say that he had never slept with her. That would be the moment that snapped her tenuous hold on her sanity if he had. Thankfully she had asked him to turn her before it got that far and he was too taken aback by the request to pick it back up. It was the first time anyone had asked him that. He said no at first, not wanting the responsibility, but she wouldn't give up. She begged and pleaded with him, which completely put him off the idea of ever sleeping with her thankfully, but finally he agreed just to shut her up. It wasn't long after that when they were headed back to Mystic Falls. It was almost time to go get Katherine anyway so he pushed himself to be better before he was truly ready. By the time he was headed back, he was still struggling, but mostly holding himself together. Elena kept a watch on the date and knew that it was the worst night of her life, so Damon laying them in the middle of the road having an existential crisis fit her mood pretty well. And then she heard her own voice. For the first time in almost a century and a half outside of dreams. She could tell that Damon heard it too and then suddenly they were looking right at her. “Katherine…” Damon breathed out. 

Elena wondered why she didn’t remember this. Had something changed somehow? She watched as her other self introduced herself and could feel Damon’s inner turmoil. She looked like Katherine. She sounded like Katherine. He even recognized her mannerisms and speech patterns, but now that he was close enough he could see that she was human and clearly /not/ Katherine. That didn’t stop him from feeling drawn to her in a way that he’d never felt before and unsettled him more than a little bit. She told him about her fight with her boyfriend and the Elena in his head snorted amusedly at his comment of having been around for a while. That was an understatement. 

When Damon told her what she wanted, his ride-along Elena knew that he was projecting. A love that consumed her, passion, adventure, and even a little danger. That was everything that Damon wanted. That didn’t mean that he was wrong about her wanting it too though. Maybe it was what everyone wanted even. She couldn’t say. She wanted to cheer at herself when she asked what he wanted. Perfect question. The one thing that no one had ever asked him before and the first chip in that steel wall around his heart. When she realized that he was about to compel her that answered her question of why she didn’t remember this. 

While part of her wanted to be irritated with him for the compulsion, she got why he did it. He was more than a little freaked out by that whole encounter and the way it made him feel. It had nothing to do with not wanting anyone to know that he was in town yet and everything to do with him needing space from her. She felt bad for how confused and disturbed he would be before he found out the truth. That it was never Katherine that he loved. He would probably be a little confused and disturbed afterwards too. 

Elena had come to the conclusion that if she was ever going to be able to get out of here, then it would be when Bonnie cast the spell. With any luck she would wake up in her own body then. God, she missed having her own body. Once she was, she would tell Damon everything. Including picking on him for spending the next few months watching her as she grieved. He didn’t do it in a creepy way though. It wasn’t like he was sneaking in and watching her in the shower. He was just sticking to the shadows around town, watching her go about her business. He sat at the back of the church during the funeral watching her. He was trying to figure her out. 

Watching herself go through the death of her parents was almost as bad as living it, but Damon’s sympathy actually helped more than she would have expected it to. Along with the fact that he was beating himself up for taking off that night. Wondering if he might have been able to help somehow if he had been there. She wanted to tell him that it was okay. He couldn’t have known. She knew he knew that though. He just felt bad for what she was going through and what ifs were how he dealt with those kinds of things. 

It wasn’t until Damon learned that Stefan had come back to Mystic Falls too that he lost it a little bit. He killed a couple that he’d stopped in the road. Why the hell did Stefan have to come back here now of all times. When he was so close to getting Katherine back. That was why he had fed on Vicki Donovan at the party. He wanted to put the heat on Stefan. Get him to leave. He had enough control not to kill her though. Barely. It had been close. She would claim vampire and Stefan would freak and take off. 

Then came their first meeting that she remembered. She was only a little surprised at the jealousy he felt over the fact that she had come for Stefan. That she seemed to be interested in Stefan. To him it seemed like the past repeating itself. He hadn’t been enough for Katherine. She had wanted Stefan too. Oh if Elena had known then what she knew now, she would have made a far different choice. Damon could never hate Stefan. He was his brother. But Elena could. And did. 

Once her actual self left, she got to experience the confrontation between Damon and Stefan and learned that Stefan had apparently gone to the hospital to compel Vicki. She highly doubted it was for Damon’s sake though. No, it was all about self-preservation for Stefan. If she was being objective, she would say that Damon’s comment about Stefan only being close to humanity when he ripped it open and fed on it was unfair. She was far from objective here though. Not after everything Stefan had done to Damon. 

It wasn’t until Damon was chatting up Caroline that Elena remembered their fling and oh my god. No, no, no. Eww. She was seriously going to be stuck as Damon while he slept with her lifelong best friend. Of all the nightmares she’d experienced in this mess, this might just be one of the worst. This time, no matter how good it felt as he pounded into her, she couldn’t get her mind off the fact that this was Caroline. Feeding on her was almost as bad. 

Seeing Bonnie again at that dinner made a whole new burst of anger well up in her. This whole thing was Bonnie’s fault. The fact that she’d spent the last almost century and a half trapped in the mind and body of Damon Salvatore. The things she’d learned and the fact that she’d fallen in love with him didn’t make up for the fact that she didn’t have a body of her own. She couldn’t talk to anyone. She had no control over anything. She was definitely getting an earful when this was over and thankfully there wasn’t that much longer to go. Just a few more months. Assuming her theory was right. 

Damon coming to help the other her in the kitchen was a nice gesture. She remembered wondering at one point what his ulterior motives were there, but now she knew that there weren’t any. Not really. She didn’t count trying to figure her out and get to know her as an ulterior motive. There was definitely a bit of discomfort there when he was telling her about Katherine, and he had honestly been trying to be helpful when he talked to her about quitting cheerleading. The big disaster of the night, if only an internal one, was when her other self apologized about Katherine and pointed out that he lost her too. The emotional train wreck that caused, knocked her for a loop and Damon was more than glad of the interruption of Caroline. 

Now that she understood his reasoning behind it more, she didn’t even fault him for trying to kiss her at the football game. It was still a dick move, but that was just Damon. You had to take the bad with the good, and that went for anyone, not just him. Damon’s turmoil over her understanding and sympathy had him reeling and he despised Stefan for having her and he just needed to kiss her once. She didn’t feel bad for slapping him for it though. He’d deserved it. And she was sure that once the sting of rejection wore off, he would see that too. 

The confrontation with Stefan afterwards was another heavy blow. What the hell was wrong with Stefan. Every time Damon tried to reach out, Stefan threw him away, but the one time he wanted and needed to keep his distance, Stefan was trying to push him to be better. Damon was pissed that after everything. All those time Damon had tried so hard, NOW was the time that Stefan chose to look for the good in him with the same breath as calling him a monster. It was no wonder that he snapped and killed the coach. Just one more load of guilt to add to the pile. 

When her other self yelled at him at the ball for hurting Caroline, Elena did feel bad about that. She hadn’t understood. She didn’t know that he was a vampire and just needed to feed. She hadn’t known that he had compelled the pain away. She just saw him as an abuser that needed to be stopped and she could feel now how much that hurt Damon. Not nearly as much as Stefan dosing them with vervain and locking them up though.


	14. Chapter 14

Once again, they renewed their familiarity with burning hunger. This was easily the worst though. Four days they sat down there starving and weakened by vervain injections to speed up the process. The beginning stages of desiccation were beginning to set in by the time Damon’s mind managed to reach out to Caroline in a fit of desperation. It was also desperation that had him trying to kill her and Elena didn’t fault him for that, despite being very glad that she’d gotten away. She hated that Zach had to die, but honestly what other outcome can there be when you deliberately try to fight a starving pissed off vampire with your bare hands. She even understood Damon’s sense of relief when he died. Damon hadn’t been able to look at him without remembering the single worst thing he’d ever done. 

Once again, Stefan had stolen his daylight ring and Damon was just as trapped in the house as he had been in the cell. Neither of them were even surprised. Stefan had proven over and over again that Damon meant nothing to him. That he saw Damon as a mess that needed to be cleaned up or a monster to be escaped from. Nothing else. At least Stefan seemed to have full trust in Zach to keep Damon in line because he hadn’t come back by nightfall. Elena wracked her brain to try and figure out where Stefan was before she remembered. This was the night that Stefan had cooked her dinner to make up for keeping secrets after she yelled at him at the ball too. 

They headed off into the woods, completely overcome with hunger and it was pure bad luck that the stoners happened to be hanging out in just the direction they went. Damon had been as surprised as anyone when they stumbled on them, but couldn’t hold himself back as bad off as he was. The guilt that he was burying was alleviated somewhat when one of them started moving again. Vicki Donovan. She could feel how impressed Damon was with her strength and he just had to know her, so he took her back to the house. 

Elena couldn’t deny that she was curious how all this happened with the whole turning Vicki thing so she was glad to get a chance to see it play out. Damon was extremely bored being stuck in the house once the sun came up and they did a lot of partying. Drugs, alcohol, sex, the whole deal and once she started in her problems when she was hammered enough, all Damon felt for her was pity, and Elena was right there with him. It turned out that was why he turned her. Because he pitied her and thought that any life would be better than the one she was stuck with. It had been a completely impulsive decision that he had regretted immediately, but it hadn’t been a malicious one. 

When the night of the Halloween party rolled around, Elena was surprised to find that Damon hadn’t told her to leave because of her bleeding, but because he was having trouble holding onto his stoicism in the face of her anger and disappointment. He cared so much what she thought that he couldn’t deal with facing her like this. Which was also why he showed up at her house later to compel Jeremy. His remorse got the better of him. That incident was what told Elena that she would be able to carry out her hopeful plan. To be his anchor. Even this early, her opinion mattered and they were a lot closer by the time this whole crapfest happened. 

Another big event of that day was finding the crystal to release Katherine again. Hanging around Bonnie’s neck. It was funny how those things worked. It had originally been Emily’s but had found its way to her descendant. The next day was when Damon put the plan into motion to kill Lexi and Elena found herself horribly sad about it, but learned far more about his motives than Damon would have liked. While yes, it was partially to get the founders off the scent of vampires and make himself trusted, it was also for the same reason that he was relieved that Zach was gone. Because she reminded him of one of the worst things he’d ever done. 

It didn’t make it right by a long shot, and she knew that it would hit Damon hard later on. He would just be adding more guilt even worse than what he was trying to forget in the first place. He wanted to erase the worst of his indiscretions before rescuing Katherine and starting his new life, but it didn’t work that way. She wished she could do something to stop it, but just as with everything else she was completely powerless. She had been right about his remorse though. It nearly crushed him. 

When Stefan almost killed him, Elena was surprised that she was able to forgive him so easily for that. Maybe because she understood it. Just like she found it so easy to forgive Damon when she understood. Stefan was acting from grief. Sure they had both done worse, but Lexi was Stefan’s best friend. He wasn’t in his right mind. It wasn’t like the times he’d hurt his brother before. Even with that though, Damon ended up groveling for forgiveness. When he offered to switch to the animal blood diet Elena was beyond grossed out. She still remembered the one taste they’d had and if Damon started subjecting her to that regularly she might have to hit him when she got out of this. Thankfully, Stefan turned him down. 

Elena had a little more trouble forgiving Stefan for trying to bond with Damon just to find out what horrible things he was up to. When Damon revealed the truth about the tomb and Katherine, Elena watched his reactions nearly as carefully as Damon did. She could tell that he didn’t like the idea in the slightest. The confrontation with the possessed Bonnie was difficult for Elena to deal with. No matter how pissed she was at Bonnie right now, she was still her best friend, but she completely understood Damon’s reaction. In the moment, he made an impulsive decision that since Emily had reneged on her part of the deal, then he would take away his. 

It didn’t dawn on Damon until after that it wasn’t just Emily that he had been protecting them for. It had been Marie too. He was more than grateful for his brother for saving Bonnie’s life after that and wished that he could make up for what he did, but had no idea where to even begin. Getting caught out by the newbie vampire embarrassed Damon greatly. So much so that it even made Elena laugh, despite the pain they were in. She definitely didn’t want to be Logan when Damon got out of this. Unfortunately, Alaric staked him first. Even more unfortunately, before he revealed what he knew about the tomb and how to open it now that the talisman was gone. 

That was what led to Damon’s road trip to the only witch that he was on somewhat good terms with. But first he found Elena in her upside down SUV. Elena was surprised at the intensity of the fear and worry that Damon felt as he pulled her out and how careful he was with her after she passed out. She could feel the hurt underneath his bravado as he teased her once she woke up, and how much fun he was having once she loosened up. He had been more than impressed by her alcohol tolerance. Then the shit hit the fan. 

Elena braced herself for what she knew was coming as they rounded the corner. What she hadn’t expected was Damon’s thought process during that whole thing. The way that he was mentally yelling for Elena to run, more worried about her than his repeatedly breaking bones or the fact that he was about to become a bonfire. More than that though was the crashing wave of emotions when she didn’t leave. When she fought for him. Begged for his life. He was shocked that she cared, worried that she might have hit her head harder than he thought, touched that she would bother, and felt like shit because he knew that he didn’t deserve any of it. That was the moment though that his feelings for Elena and Katherine both separated and got even more jumbled at the same time. 

Then the rage set in as Damon realized that they’d been set up by Bree. Going after him, he could forgive and forget, but going after Elena pissed him off royally and he marched back into the bar as soon as he’d cleaned up and attacked Bree. Once he got the information he’d originally came for, he ripped her heart of her chest without even giving her a chance to fight back. Elena was caught off guard by that. Not that he killed her. Really, with everything else he’d done this was just a drop in the bucket. It was why he’d done it that shocked her. 

He had killed Bree without hesitation because she put Elena in danger, but that was only part of it. Bree knew now that the way to get to him was through Elena and as long as he let her live with that information, Elena would always be in danger by anyone who wanted to hurt him and he had left a lot of destruction in his path over the years. There was no telling how many people might be after him. Hell, just protecting the Bennett witches got him plenty of enemies. He would not have Elena used as a pawn.


	15. Chapter 15

The next few days were a blur as Damon was a nervous wreck inside over the fact that Elena was being stalked by vampires and only the need to force a confrontation and the fact that she wasn’t even safe in her own home had him suggesting that she be bait. Elena was surprised to learn exactly how aware he was of her at every moment that night, no matter how little he seemed to be. Another big event was Stefan agreeing to help Damon free Katherine, which made Elena feel awful as she remembered her own part in the upcoming betrayal. 

The hurt that Damon felt when he found Stefan and Elena’s other self at the grave planning to destroy the grimoire bowled Elena over. Again. She could count on one hand the number of times that he had been that hurt and she hated herself for doing that to him. Stefan’s betrayal hurt him, but didn’t surprise him, but he had honestly trusted Elena. She realized that when he fed her his blood and threatened to kill her, that he never would have done it. No matter how hurt he was or even how pissed he was. It was an empty threat. He still loved her far too much to do that to her. 

When Damon got the first voicemail from Stefan about Anna having taken her, Damon immediately called Anna and promised all manner of horrible retribution if one hair on Elena’s head was harmed and in the end made a deal to keep her in the loop and let her rescue her mother in return for Elena’s safety. He refused to admit that though, which was why when Stefan returned to ask for his help, he was more than a little flippant about it. He wasn’t going to let anyone know that he would always forgive her for anything she did to him without her even trying. 

Forgiving her didn’t equate to trusting her again though, and when she came offering her help later that day, he was understandably skeptical. Elena could feel how badly he wanted to trust her and the fact that he refused to compel her when she offered was because he refused to take it that way. If he was going to trust her then it would be real. Not a fabrication. He refused to /take/ anything from her. He was terrified of getting his heart broken by her again though.

He did end up getting his heart broken though. Just not by her. By Katherine. By the fact that she wasn’t there. Learning that she had never planned to be there…that she had been free this whole time and had even kept tabs on him to stay away…that drove him deep into the bottle and he stayed there for weeks. Only part of it was strictly about Katherine though. Most of it was trying to figure out the Katherine he had actually know, the Katherine from his dreams, and Elena and how they all fit together. Figuring that out was not helped by the massive quantities of alcohol he was consuming and Elena was glad that he had mostly switched to blood bags while he was in Mystic Falls. They may be stale and not very filling, but he would probably be more likely to trip and fall into someone than actually catch someone to feed from right now. 

The next time he was even reasonably sober was when the charity auction came around, and even then he wasn’t very sober. He did use the opportunity to get the flesh and blood Elena to help button his shirt. The Elena in his head was surprised that it was even somewhat legitimate. She’d had it pegged for complete fabrication. But she’d had a lot of things wrong about Damon before. Learning that he’d felt even more remorse than when he killed someone upon learning that Isobel was Elena’s mother was a shocker and she got even more proof how much her opinion mattered to him. He hated himself for hurting her. She was the only person who had ever fought for him in his entire life. The only person to see something worth saving in him and he had hurt her so deeply. The fact that he was attacked and killed someone in self-defense didn’t even register to him that night. There was too much else going on in his head. 

Elena was more than glad that the drunken tryst with Kelly Donovan was interrupted before it made it to the bedroom. That would have been almost as bad as Caroline. Her ex-boyfriend’s mother was more than a little shudder worthy. Another reason it was a good thing was that it meant that she wasn’t there when the tomb vampires attacked and for the first time ever Damon and Stefan fought side by side against them. She didn’t count the night of the dance where they had taken out the vampire that was stalking her. That was them both fighting by her side. It had nothing to do with each other. 

Damon’s worry over Stefan when he was taken was only overshadowed by his sheer terror for her when she went along. She honestly thought he was going to stop breathing when he realized that she had snuck in anyway instead of staying in the car. She realized now just how much more danger she had put them all in. If she hadn’t been there, Damon would never have had to go back inside to serve as a diversion and he and Ric wouldn’t have almost died. She resolved to listen to him a little more in the future and at least consider his point of view before doing something stupid. 

Even after all these years and everything Stefan had put him through, Damon was still in fix Stefan mode. He was the big brother and Stefan was his responsibility. He felt more than a little responsible for this anyway. It was his obsession in chasing a woman who didn’t even want him that got the tomb vampires released and started all this in the first place. 

The next founder’s event, Elena could see now why Damon had been so worried about what her uncle John was up to. He was actually blackmailing Damon. Why wouldn’t he have just told her that instead of playing all the cloak and dagger games. The closer it came to the end of this mess, the more Elena hoped that her theory was right. That she would be back in her own body soon enough. She couldn’t believe how run ragged Damon was around this time. Between the council being suspicious, John’s blackmail, managing Pearl and the vampires, keeping Jeremy’s nose out of Vicki’s death, and trying to keep Stefan from flying off the handle, they were barely even sleeping. On the plus side, it got him out of the bottle. 

Finally was the night of the pageant. For a long time now, this was one of those times that she actually wanted to be in his head. She wanted to experience this night from his point of view. See what he thought and how he felt. She felt his breath stop as she came down the stairs and it was almost like his brain unlocked. The idea that it had never been Katherine in his dreams hit him like a ton of bricks. It was Elena. It had always been Elena. That was also the moment that he realized that Stefan wasn’t there and didn’t even hesitate to meet her at the bottom of the stairs. His worry for Stefan was far overshadowed by the all-consuming love he felt for Elena in that moment. 

Elena had thought the first time around that when he said they had to ‘get through this’ that he meant that it was an ordeal to be dancing with her, but it was because it was the opposite. He’d enjoyed it far more than he would have admitted and if his heart still beat it would have flown from his chest when he took her in his arms. Elena couldn’t believe that he’d managed not to let on, other than a few smiles that twitched onto his face and then off again right after. She’d always known that he was a decent actor, but this one deserved an Emmy. 

His rush to find Stefan afterwards was as much to get some distance from his feelings as to find his brother and when they did find him, Damon flashed back to nineteen twelve all over again. This time he didn’t immediately run in and stop him, but tried a different way. Slow and gentle. It had the same outcome though. Him being attacked and Stefan running off. At least this time the girl could be saved. Elena could feel his trepidation at her idea to be the one to sedate Stefan since she would be able to get close, but he allowed it. He stayed right outside the door though, ready to intervene in a split second if it was necessary. 

She could feel how much it hurt him as her other self fussed over Stefan for the next week and then she wanted to smack herself when, upon learning the rest of the story…how Stefan had forced that girl’s blood down Damon’s throat and made him turn, her first thought was for how that affected Stefan before she rushed out after him, leaving Damon alone once again and he hit the bottle again. She knew that he had come to terms with his existence and even found plenty of enjoyment in it, but that he would never go so far as to thank Stefan for forcing it on him. 

Damon sat and stewed while waiting for Stefan and Elena to get back and Elena went upstairs to wait for Stefan while he went to thank his brother. The Elena in Damon’s head though, knew that her other self was eavesdropping as Damon told Stefan irritably that he wasn’t allowed to feel his guilt. That his actions were his alone. Elena could feel how much he believed that, but still disagreed. She scoffed when Damon mentioned that he only felt the guilt if he let himself. That was a complete lie, but she understood why he wouldn’t want to give Stefan the satisfaction of knowing how much it ate at him every day. 

When the conversation was over and Stefan went upstairs, Elena saw herself leave a few minutes later, remembering that she’d gotten the emergency call from Bonnie right after telling Stefan that they needed to talk. That was a good thing. The talk would be very different than the one she originally had planned though. Damon went upstairs to bed minutes after she left. At least they would be laying down for the initial separation. Or hopeful separation at least.


	16. Chapter 16

When Elena woke up it was morning and Bonnie was still passed out half on top of her. She took a moment to feel over her body blissfully, even though it took a few minutes to remember how to work her hands. It felt so strange to be herself again after so long. Just being able to move of her own free will was amazingly freeing. Once she had reveled in the moment, she shook Bonnie awake. “Elena! Did it work?” she asked hopefully, wiping the dried blood from her nose. 

Elena took a deep breath for calm as she said, “I’m almost certain that spell didn’t do what you intended it to do unless you’re far more cruel than I ever dreamed,” she said tightly. 

“Wh-what did it do?” Bonnie asked worriedly. 

“First tell me what the hell you were thinking?” Elena asked, losing a bit of control over her temper. She’d been Damon a little too long. 

“It was supposed to show you the truth about vampires,” Bonnie admitted. “You know, because you were being all forgiving of Stefan after everything he did and you’ve even forgiven Damon for so much.” 

“So when you asked me if I trusted you, it was so that you could betray that trust to ruin my relationship?!” Elena asked incredulously. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Bonnie winced. She hadn’t thought of it that way. “I was just trying to help. To do what was right.”

“Not betraying your best friend’s trust is /right/,” Elena snapped. “How was it even supposed to work?” 

“I’m not sure exactly. I didn’t understand the whole thing…”

“Are you insane?!” Elena yelled, suddenly hoping that no one else was in the house right now. “I may not know much about magic, but to cast a spell you don’t understand is stupid!” She had learned that much from the fling with Bree. 

“I know, but the description seemed straight-forward enough,” Bonnie shrugged. 

“Jesus, Bonnie. Do you have any idea what you did to me?!” 

“Wh-what did I do?” she asked even more worriedly than before. 

“I was trapped in Damon Salvatore’s body and mind from the moment he became a vampire until now. Everything he did, thought, felt, I experienced like I was him.” 

“Oh god!” Bonnie gasped, her hand going over her mouth in horror. “Oh god. I’m so sorry, Elena. I had no idea it would do that. You have to believe me. I would never have put you through that. I’m so sorry,” she babbled. 

Elena took a few deep breaths for calm as she remembered the plan she had made for this eventuality. “I’ll forgive you on one condition. You have to help me right a wrong.”

“What kind of wrong?” Bonnie asked. 

“Damon hurt someone…”

“Probably a lot of someone’s,” Bonnie muttered. 

Elena ignored that and continued. “Someone that didn’t deserve to be hurt. She was a vampire, but she was the epitome of goodness. A real Florence Nightingale type. She tried to help him and he hurt her for it.”

Bonnie was skeptical about the idea of a vampire that good but would hear the favor first before deciding. “Okay…”

“Well she always dreamed of being able to walk in the sun and since Damon tried to kill her by locking her on a roof in the sun…well…the only place the spell exists to fix that is in that book,” she pointed at the grimoire. She hadn’t told a single lie even if she did order the truth in such a way as to give her the wrong impression. 

“What exactly do you want me to do?” Bonnie asked, getting the idea, but wanting specifics. 

Elena got up and went to her jewelry box, finding her favorite ring and brought it over to Bonnie. “I want you to put that spell on this ring.” 

“That’s it?” Bonnie asked. That seemed simple enough. Sure making a vampire able to move around easier went against her morals, but after what she did to Elena, she owed her this and more. 

“That’s it,” Elena nodded. 

“Okay. Let me find the spell and see if I can manage it. I’ll need something to eat first. I used a lot of energy last night.” 

“Okay. You look for the spell while I go grab us some breakfast,” Elena told her. Looking at the clock it would be more like lunch, but oh well. She was back upstairs ten minutes later with oatmeal, bananas and toast and handed Bonnie half of it. 

“Okay so I found the spell and it looks simple enough, but without being able to test it…” 

“That’s fine. Just do your best. I’ll get Stefan to test it later,” Elena told her. 

Bonnie kept reading as she ate, wanting to make sure to get this right, while Elena just tried to get used to being back in her own body again. Being a girl again was a big enough adjustment, but being human again was even worse. Just the not craving blood was strange enough. Once they were done eating, Bonnie did the spell. “I’m pretty sure it’s done right,” she told her, handing her the ring. “So, we’re okay now?” she asked hopefully. 

“Yeah. We are,” Elena told her honestly as she put the ring back in her jewelry box for now. Whether they would stay okay remained to be seen. If Bonnie was that against vampires she wasn’t likely to take what Elena had to say next very well. 

“Okay good,” Bonnie sighed with relief. “So…you’re still gonna see Stefan later?” Bonnie asked nervously. 

“Yeah,” Elena told her. “I have to break up with him. After everything I learned I can’t stand to be with him anymore.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Bonnie said gratefully. “I’m just glad all that wasn’t for nothing.”

“No, it definitely wasn’t. It didn’t do what you intended though,” Elena told her. 

“What do you mean?” Bonnie asked. “You’re dumping Stefan…”

“Because I’m in love with Damon and Stefan is a spoiled ungrateful little brat,” Elena told her. 

“Wait, what?! After everything he’s done! He tried to kill me!” Bonnie said horrified. 

“And you have no idea how relieved he was when Stefan stopped him,” Elena told her. “He lost his temper when the talisman that could save the woman he loved was destroyed and he lashed out.”

“And that makes it right?” Bonnie asked aghast. 

“No. Of course not. Which is why he was glad that Stefan saved you,” Elena pointed out. 

“Why would he even care? He said the deal with Emily was broken when she destroyed the amulet anyway.” 

“Because he didn’t protect your family all these years for Emily. He did it because he loved Marie.”

“Marie?” Bonnie asked confused. 

“Emily’s daughter,” Elena told her. 

Bonnie felt like she was going to be sick. One of her ancestors and Damon Salvatore? Gross. “But wait…I though Katherine was the only woman he ever loved.” 

“Marie wasn’t a woman. She was a little girl. A baby thrust into Damon’s arms by her mother who begged him to take her and protect her. A girl that he raised and doted on and loved like a daughter until she was ripped away from him five years later,” Elena explained. 

“What happened?” Bonnie asked curiously. 

“Emily had asked him to find a witch to teach her when she was old enough, so Damon did. The witch immediately pegged him as a vampire though. You know that migraine thing you do?” Bonnie nodded. “Hers was a lot stronger. She had him on the ground screaming in pain as she took Marie away. He still fought as hard as he could though and once they were gone, there was a magical barrier around her house and he couldn’t get close. He still waited at their campsite for almost a month, just hoping she would get away and come back to him, but she didn’t. I think it was because she /couldn’t/. Otherwise she would have. She loved him just as much as he loved her. She was screaming and crying for him as she was dragged away.” 

“That’s…I don’t…” Bonnie couldn’t help but feel sympathy for Damon at that story. And presumably that was before he was a monster. “Was that what made him into such a monster?” she couldn’t help but ask. 

“That was the first of many /many/ incidents,” Elena told her. “But he’s not a monster. He’s done some monstrous things, but he’s never been a monster. He’s just a guy who has been pushed around and shit on for his whole life. Who has been abandoned and betrayed and tortured by everyone he’s ever known. By everyone who /should/ have cared.”

“You said he tried to kill someone good who tried to help him,” Bonnie tried to point out the flaw in her reasoning. 

“Because he had turned his humanity off. He had been a professor at Whitmore College, but it turned out there was a secret society there that ‘studied’ vampires and they figured out what he was. They paid his relatives to lure him into a trap and then spent five years dissecting him alive, among other things that would make you sick. Then he tried to escape but there was a fire and the only way he could survive was to leave the other prisoner behind and he just couldn’t do it. He was and /is/ the most loyal person you’ll ever know. The only way he could do it was to turn off his humanity, so he didn’t care anymore.” 

“That doesn’t mean he’s not a monster. It just means that he has a reason to be one,” Bonnie tried to reason with her.


	17. Chapter 17

Elena wasn’t going to give up on her best friend so easily, so she kept trying. “You don’t understand, Bonnie. I felt everything he felt. Every emotion. Every crushing wave of guilt. Every bit of pain and despair. He has spent his entire life alone. He’s never had anyone and every time he tried to get close…even to Stefan…he was hurt and betrayed and abandoned. All he’s ever wanted was to not be alone anymore. He never would have done any of those things if /anyone/ had ever cared. If anyone had ever /been/ there for him.” 

“So now you want to be? Is that it? You think you can take responsibility for his well-being? That’s the kind of life you want?” 

“I’m not taking responsibility for anything, but yes. I want to be there for him. I want to give him everything he’s been missing for so long,” Elena begged her to understand. 

“And when you die someday? What then?” Bonnie asked before it dawned on her. “Or…you don’t plan to die, do you? You’re going to become one of them. That’s what the ring was for wasn’t it?” 

“Yes,” Elena admitted. 

“You lied to me!” Bonnie snapped. 

“You lied to me first,” Elena pointed out. “You betrayed my trust, so I betrayed yours. We’re even now.” 

Bonnie looked at her disgustedly. “God…you’re just like him now.” 

“Well spending a hundred and fifty years as someone tends to cause a few traits to rub off, I guess. Let’s remember whose fault /that/ is,” Elena pointed out. 

Bonnie got up, shaking her head. “I can’t even…I just…I hope you come to your senses before you do something you regret, Elena. And I hope you can find yourself again, because this person…I’m done.” She turned and walked out. 

Elena sighed heavily. That could have gone better. A lot better. Bonnie was just so stubborn. She refused to admit that she was wrong. She would come around eventually. Her next order of business was Stefan. She called him and asked him to come over. Once they were safely ensconsed in her room, she said, “Before we talk, there’s something I want to test real quick.”

“What’s that?” Stefan asked curiously. 

Elena went and pulled all the curtains in the room, leaving just one strip of sunlight in the center. “Bonnie found the daylight spell and put it on this ring. We just wanted to see if it worked.” 

Stefan shrugged, and took his ring off before sliding that ring on his pinky as far as it would go and then slowly and hesitantly stuck his hand into the ray of sunlight, relaxing when he didn’t burn. Just to be sure, he opened the curtain all the way and still didn’t burn. “I think it’s safe to say that it worked,” Stefan chuckled as he picked his ring back up and slid it back on before handing her the other ring back.

“Okay good,” Elena breathed a sigh of relief. She would be good then. Though it would have been poetic justice to make Stefan burn. “So…I guess we should talk now.” 

“Yeah,” Stefan said nervously sitting on her bed facing her. “First I want to say how sorry I am for everything these last few weeks.”

“I get that, Stefan. Really. And I forgive you for all that,” she said gently, leaving out the things that she couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive him for that he didn’t even know she knew. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t be with you anymore.” 

“I understand,” Stefan said sadly. “Still friends?” 

“Sure,” Elena said with a tight smile. “But give me a little time to adjust first?” 

“Okay. I can do that. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” he told her with his own tight smile. 

Once he was gone, Elena breathed a sigh of relief. That was easier than she expected. She had expected to have to make up some elaborate story about not wanting to spend her life worrying what might push him over the edge and cause another episode or something. A story that would make her a hypocrite since she would be putting herself in the same position with Damon. It wasn’t like she could tell him the truth though. At least not without starting an argument that would make her tempted to follow through on her wishes and actually kill him. She didn’t want him to know about her being part of Damon for so long. 

The next thing she needed to do was talk to Damon, but she needed a few days to remember herself first. To get used to being alone in her head and having control of her own body. She started to go downstairs and find something to do but stopped before she left the room and grabbed the daylight ring and put it on her middle finger. It wouldn’t hurt her to wear it now and it would keep a certain well-meaning witch from sneaking in and stealing it to try and prevent her from ever needing it. 

It was midafternoon before Jeremy got home and just glared at her before heading upstairs and slamming the door to his room. That’s right. He was pissed at her about the compulsion thing. She was pretty much up to date on most of her life. At least what Damon knew. That wasn’t something that he’d had anything to do with though, so it had slipped her mind. In her defense, a hundred and fifty years was a long time. 

She managed a stilted conversation with Jenna when she got home. Stilted only because she was a very different person than she was yesterday, and Jenna obviously noticed. She didn’t anticipate how exhausting body swapping could be though and it was still pretty early when she went to bed despite not waking up until almost noon. Thankfully she felt a little better the next day and got to school on time. 

Bonnie spotted her ring as soon as she got there and gasped. “Already?” she asked worriedly as they walked into their English class and found their seats. 

“No,” Elena chuckled. “Just wanted to keep it close so it can’t be misplaced or anything.” 

About halfway through the class, Bonnie leaned over and whispered, “You look bored.” She was worried that Elena wasn’t paying attention because she didn’t plan on finishing school anyway. 

“Damon has a PhD in medieval literature,” Elena whispered back. “And since I was in his head, I know everything that he does. This /is/ boring.” 

“No way,” Bonnie said skeptically, having completely missed the part about Damon being a college professor in the wake of everything else Elena was telling her. 

“Yes way. It’s ridiculous the number of languages I know now,” Elena chuckled. 

“What languages?” Bonnie asked curiously. 

“Latin, French, Greek, Old Slavonic, and Old English, which is absolutely nothing like current English. I even know quite a bit of Old German and Old Norse which we picked up since they were relatively common languages in medieval times.” 

“That’s insane,” Bonnie whispered back. 

“Something you girls would like to share with the class?” the teacher asked pointedly staring at them. 

“No sir,” Bonnie said with a blush, sitting back up in her seat, as did Elena. 

The rest of Elena’s classes were almost as boring as English and Elena was already revising her plans to get out of any more of this. Spending time with Caroline was an exercise in patience. Maybe it was being Damon for so long, but he definitely got what he meant now when he said that she was very young. Not to mention how hard it was to even look at her after Damon sleeping with her while she was a passenger. 

She was hoping to fix things with Jeremy, but he was just as stubborn as she was and wouldn’t even give her the time of day and Jenna was still looking at her like she had two heads. With Bonnie barely speaking to her after their falling out, it was safe to say that her life was pretty much falling apart. Part of her wanted nothing more than to rush right into Damon’s arms for comfort, knowing that he would give her anything she needed, but she needed to prove to herself that she could function separate from him for at least a little while. Plus she needed to be sure that Stefan wouldn’t be there and the only time she could be certain of that was on Friday which was when he hunted and didn’t usually get back until lunchtime Saturday. 

She managed to stick out the week on pure stubbornness alone, and the moment school let out on Friday, Elena headed for the Salvatore house. Stefan had skipped last period so he would already be gone. When she got there, she walked right in, not even thinking that with her and Stefan broken up, it might not be appropriate anymore. Between the fact that she’d been doing that for a while anyway as herself and then being Damon for so long, it didn’t even dawn on her to knock.


	18. Chapter 18

Damon was walking into the living room with a book in his hand as Elena came in and he stopped short at the sight of here. “What brings you here?” he asked companionably. “Stefan isn’t here and I thought you two broke up anyway.” 

“I know and we did. I’m actually here to talk to you,” she told him with a grin. 

“Oh? Get rid of the deadweight and decide to give the better handsomer brother a turn?” he joked. 

Elena laughed and shook her head. “No, not…well…on second thought…” She had been planning to have the conversation first, but if he was offering…the temptation to let him reacquaint her with her body was a little too much. 

“Wait, what?” Damon said confused, tilting his head suspiciously at her. 

“Well if you don’t want to, I get it, but…” she shrugged with a wicked glint in her eye, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to resist taking the bait and she was right. Anything else she was going to say was cut off as he blurred in front of her and captured her lips in a kiss and holy crap he was an even better kisser from this side. 

He had kissed her to call her out on her joke, but when she actually kissed him back he felt a burst of confidence. “Oh I want to. But are you sure you do?” he smirked as he pulled back. 

“Mhmm,” Elena said still a little dazed from that kiss. 

“You realize that once I get you in my bed, I’m not letting you go right?” he asked smugly, putting more than one meaning behind those words. 

“I hope not,” she found words again with a grin. 

Damon scrutinized her one more time before he picked her up and blurred them up to his room and tossed her in the bed. “Last chance to change your mind,” he warned already breathless with anticipation. 

Elena just reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him down. Thanks to his vampire reflexes he was able to not land fully on top of her and even managed to land his lips on hers and she immediately began kissing him back as she started unbuttoning his shirt. Damon moaned as he shifted them to a more comfortable position with him between her legs, his erection pressing against her core. “You know…if this is a trick…it’s a really mean one,” he breathed out kissing his way down her neck and collarbones. 

“Oh god, it’s not a trick,” she laughed breathlessly as she shoved his shirt off his shoulders. “Is it really so hard…for you to believe…that I want you?” 

“Yes, actually,” Damon chuckled as his hands moved under her shirt and she sat up to strip it off before he moved to unhook her bra and toss it away. 

“Shut up, Damon,” she said amusedly, arching her hips up against him, pulling moans from them both. 

“Bossy,” he teased as he nipped her breast. Her reply only came out as a strangled gasp as he sucked her nipple into his mouth and her hand fisted in his hair. He let out another moan as she pulled his hair just the way he liked it and his hand moved to her other breast while his other hand trailed over her body, lightly in some places, firmer in others in just the perfect ways to drive her crazy. 

When Elena’s hands moved to the front of his pants, he smirked and grabbed both of her wrists and shoved them to the bed over her head, moving up to press a light kiss to her lips. “Ah, ah, ah. No skipping to the end.” 

“Fuck, Damon,” she breathed out already feeling like her body was on fire in the best way. 

“We’ll get there, princess,” he chuckled. “But there’s a lot more of your body to explore first.” He leaned down for another long slow kiss as he let go of her hands. One immediately went to his cheek as the other massaged over his shoulders and chest and he moaned into the kiss before breaking it and starting his sensory perusal of her body over again. 

Elena smirked at his reaction as her hands got back in the game. If he wanted to drag it out, two could play that game. She had the best tutor possible in the art of seduction and she knew his body a lot better than he knew hers. Of course, the fact that he was steadily working his way down out of her reach worked against her, but that was okay. They had plenty of time apparently. 

He was placing a series of sloppy kisses over her stomach as he undid her pants and she lifted her hips to let him remove them. Once she was laying bare beneath him, he sat back for a minute and looked at her, hands trailing over her thighs and hips as she spread her legs wide exposing her wet center. Each circle of his hands brought him closer to his prize until his thumbs were pulling her apart, exposing even more. “God, Damon…quit looking and do something already,” she begged. 

Damon laughed and leaned down, pressing a sharp bite to her inner thigh. “What did I say about the bossy?” 

“Then quit being a tease,” she laughed breathlessly, knowing that he loved the bossy anyway. 

Damon smirked and shoved two fingers roughly inside her. “That what you want, princess?” 

“Oh god, yes!” Elena arched off the bed, hands fisting in the sheets. 

Damon had been waiting for her to stop him at any moment, but he was finally starting to believe that she actually wanted this. Wanted him. He trailed a line of kisses up her thigh as his fingers teased over every nerve bundle inside her before his tongue slid through her folds and he let out a choked moan at the taste of her. One of her hands went back into his hair giving a sensual tug, driving him even higher into bliss. 

Elena knew that he would be the best she ever had just from being on the other side of things, but she couldn’t have anticipated just how incredible it would be. She had been a little worried that so much sex as him would desensitize her to sex as herself, but it was just the opposite. She had no idea her body could even feel this way. She barely even noticed his other hand roaming every inch of her skin, but she certainly felt the effects as her nerve endings sprang to life under his talented touch and then his fingers were removed and his tongue took their place, pressing inside her and holy shit how was that even better? 

After a few thrusts with his tongue he moved up slightly to suck her bud into his mouth, giving a hum that she could feel reverberating through her and she nearly came just from that, but he wasn’t even close to done with her yet. He continued teasing for another ten minutes before he finally started driving her towards the edge for real this time and it wasn’t long before she was screaming his name as her walls clenched around his tongue. 

He kept his thumb rubbing circles on her clit as he moved up and slammed his aching cock inside her while she was still coming. “Yes! Damon!” she cried out again as a second orgasm wracked through her before the first even ended. Damon moaned as he felt it and his eyes rolled back as he pulled slowly in and out, massaging her through it as he stayed up on his knees. 

When she went limp, panting for breath, he moved a little faster as he leaned down over her. “Don’t tell me you’re quitting on me already?” he teased breathlessly. 

“Not on your life,” she gasped out, pulling him in for a searing kiss. She just needed a moment to recover is all. Her hands teased over his skin, alternating between caressing and massaging as he slowly came apart over her, gasping and moaning just as much as she was as his pace quickened. She lifted her head to press kisses and bites over his neck and shoulders and upper chest in just the way she knew would drive him crazy. 

“God…Elena,” he panted as he felt himself getting close. She was right there with him and it wasn’t long before the stars exploded behind both their eyes as they cried out their release. Damon stilled over her, hips still stuttering as he rode out wave, and leaned his forehead against hers. As their gasping breaths mingled in the small space between their lips Damon wondered how the hell he had managed to get this lucky. Even if this was all he ever got he could die happy. 

Once Elena could breathe again, she tilted her head up and gave him a slow loving kiss and she could feel him melt into it. Once it ended and he rolled to the side, flopping on his back, Elena breathed out. “That was even better from this side.” 

“Yeah, that was…wait…what do you mean ‘from this side’?” Damon asked confused as his brain caught up with what she said.


	19. Chapter 19

“Right…yeah…we should probably talk,” Elena chuckled. 

Damon sighed heavily, and rolled towards the edge of the bed as he said, “Right. I get it. No need.” Apparently, he couldn’t even bask in the afterglow for a while before it all came crashing down. 

Elena reached out and grabbed his arm pulling him back. “Oh would you quit jumping to the worst possible conclusion? I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.” She knew exactly what he was thinking. She knew him better than he knew himself. “I mean…I will have to go home at some point, but you know what I mean.” 

“I know what I hope you mean…” Damon said uncertainly. 

“I mean that I love you, Damon,” she told him. 

He blinked at her in shock for a moment before lifting a hand to her cheek and leaning in slowly for a long heartfelt kiss. He just had to be sure. No one could lie like this. When he pulled away, he whispered, “I love you, Elena.” 

She smiled brightly and rubbed her thumb over his cheek. “I know,” she said softly. “And that’s part of what we need to talk about.”

“Okay, I’m confused,” Damon said flopping onto his side. 

“Sorry. I’m not even really sure where to begin, so I guess last weekend would be a good place to start. You know how I rushed out not long after I brought Stefan back?” 

“Yeah…”

“Well I left because Bonnie called me. She needed my help with an urgent spell. I found out afterwards that it was part of her newfound vampire hatred and she was trying to make me see the truth about them, but it had some unintended side effects.” 

“What kind of side effects and what does that have to do with this?” Damon asked worriedly. 

“Well…I ended up trapped in your body and mind at the moment you became a vampire,” she said bluntly, not seeing any way to ease into that one. 

“You’re not serious,” Damon said skeptically. 

“Yep. And I stayed there until time caught up to itself last week.” 

“When you say you were in my body and mind…what exactly do you mean?” 

“I mean that I experienced everything you did. Including your thoughts and feelings,” she explained. 

“Are you sure you didn’t just have a weird dream?” he asked worriedly and almost hopefully. 

“I’m sure,” Elena told him. “A weird dream couldn’t let me speak multiple languages or understand the intricacies of Aristotelian Ethics or Aquinas’ philosophies.”

“Which languages?” Damon asked just to be sure. He was pretty sure already but he needed just a little bit more. 

“Latin, Greek, French, Old Slavonic, and Old English fluently along with some Old German and Old Norse,” she said, seeing his face change with every one she named. 

“That’s…but…I…” Damon stammered. 

“I know that you’re probably feeling violated right now, and I get it. It was a huge invasion of your privacy and I would be beyond freaked out in your shoes,” she assured him, reaching out to take his hand. “But please try to understand that I didn’t have a choice. I tried so many times to contact you and let you know, so that you could maybe find a way to undo it, but…”

“Is that how I dreamed of you for so long?” Damon asked. 

That caught Elena off-guard and she chuckled. It was nice to know that he could still surprise her after everything. “I’m not sure. I think so. It took me a while to realize that we were sharing dreams at all.” 

“I don’t get it,” Damon said confused. “If you know everything then how…” he couldn’t even get the words out. 

“Can I love you?” she finished for him with a smile and he nodded slowly. “Because you are more than worthy of love, Damon, no matter how much you may think otherwise.” 

“But the things I’ve done…”

“Were done out of pain and heartache. Not cruelty or malice. God, you have no idea how many times I wished I could talk to you. To hold you. To tell you that everything would be okay. That I understood…”

“When?” Damon interrupted her to ask. 

“When what?” it was Elena’s turn to be confused. 

“When did you wish for that?” 

“So many times,” she breathed out. “The biggest ones were when you lost Marie, when Stefan went off the rails in nineteen twelve…I wanted to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. You were just trying to help. When Lexi went off on you in nineteen forty two…she was so wrong about you. Pretty much every day you were with the Augustines, but I needed the comfort as much as you did then…”

“Oh god. You experienced all that too, didn’t you? All the pain and…and everything?” 

“Yeah,” Elena shuddered. “Definitely not the highlight of my existence.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And everything after that.”

“It’s not your fault, Damon,” she said gently, running a hand soothingly through his hair. “Not even what came after. Your humanity was off and you turned it off for a very good reason. That gets you a pass in my book. I wanted so badly to be there for you when you got your humanity back too. To tell you that. And what happened in ninety four…”

“God, how can you even look at me after that, much less give a crap about me?” 

“Because I get where it was coming from. I don’t hate you for that. I hate /Stefan/ for that. All you wanted was some connection to your family. You didn’t do anything wrong until he did. You had to eat and you did it safely and humanely and he ripped you to shreds for it. The things he said to you…they were cruel and unfair. He crushed your spirit and you lashed out from grief.”

“That doesn’t absolve me of what I did,” Damon said with tears in his eyes, partially from the reminder of that day and partially from knowing that at least someone forgave him for it. 

“No. It doesn’t. What you did was horrible. You did a lot of horrible things. But that doesn’t make you a horrible person. You needed help. You needed someone to understand. Someone to lean on. And you never got it. You were used and betrayed and abandoned at every turn. You tried so hard, but there was no one there to catch you when you stumbled. That’s not your fault, Damon.” Her thumb wiped the few falling tears from his cheek. 

“I was alone. Always alone,” he whispered. 

“Never again,” she whispered back. “/I/ understand. And I will always catch you. I will always be here for you. I love you, Damon.” 

He pulled her close and buried his face in her neck as the emotions washed over him and she just ran her hand soothingly through his hair and rubbed his back until he got control of himself. He took a few deep breaths before he pulled back with red-rimmed eyes and said, “Only if you let me be that for you too.” 

“Always,” she promised. “I’m going to depend on you to help me keep control too. To accept me and love me even when I go off the rails. To keep me from hurting people as much as possible.” 

“Wait…you don’t mean…you want…” Damon gaped at her. 

“I can hardly promise to be by your side forever if I’m going to die in a few decades of old age now can I,” she chuckled. 

Damon broke out in a grin. “Wow. One night with me and you’re promising me forever. I /must/ be good,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Oh you’re beyond good, babe,” Elena grinned back at him. 

He laughed and pulled her in for a kiss before getting back to business. “Seriously though…do you realize what you’re asking me for?” 

Elena rolled her eyes. “Damon I’ve lived the last hundred and forty years as a vampire already. I felt every moment of hunger. The bloodlust. The taste of it. Every uncomfortable moment and every exhilarating one. I think I know what I’m getting into.” 

“See that’s what I don’t get. If you’ve experienced my whole undead life, how can you possibly want that for yourself?” Damon asked incredulously. 

“Because if not for one simple thing, everything would have been so much better. You were alone, Damon. I won’t be. And neither will you anymore. That makes all the difference.” 

“School is gonna be tough for you for a while. And you’ll need to get your little witchy friend to make you a daylight ring,” Damon pointed out the practical considerations. 

“The ring is already covered,” Elena held up her hand. “I had her make that as soon as I got back last weekend. As far as school…I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to stay here. Let’s hit the road. Just me and you.” 

“Why?” Damon asked curiously. He wasn’t saying no, he just wanted to understand.


	20. Chapter 20

“A lot of reasons. I can barely even look at Caroline after having sex with her so many times in your body and she’s so much more annoying now. Bonnie hates me because of the whole vampire thing. Jeremy hates me for keeping secrets and having his memory compelled away. Aunt Jenna keeps looking at me like I’m an alien ever since I got back because I’ve changed so much. The council is vampire crazy and I don’t like the idea of trying to dodge them for years. Then there’s the fact that I’m so /bored/ at school. I mean…I might as well have a PhD not to mention all the other reading you’ve done. There’s nothing I can learn there that I don’t already know. I’m basically a hundred and sixty some years old. It’s time for me to move on.” 

Damon huffed a laugh at that. “Okay, I can’t argue with any of that. I’m gonna need at least a few days to disentangle myself from this town without raising suspicion and you need to remember that you’re officially seventeen, no matter how many years you’ve lived, which means you’ll be classed a runaway. That means you need to dump phones, computers, and anything else that can be used to track you.” 

“Yeah, I get it. But I’m only four months away from my birthday so I doubt anyone will bother,” she pointed out. 

“Better safe than sorry,” Damon replied. 

“I know. Which is why we need to keep us a secret too,” she told him. “Right now we’re barely acquaintances as far as anyone else knows. You’re just my ex-boyfriend’s brother. Us disappearing at the same time will be a little suspicious, but not overly so. If anyone knows we’re together first though…”

“Yeah. I know. Which unfortunately means you should probably head home soon,” Damon sighed sadly. 

Elena groaned and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I wish I didn’t have to.”

“I know, baby,” Damon kissed her head. “But it’ll only be for a few days. Let’s say Wednesday to be on the safe side. Meet me on route 29 at the edge of town when you leave for school. We’ll take my car and hit the road from there. You can leave a note in your car so no one finds it until they go looking for you. If we’re lucky we’ll get a couple days lead time.”

“That sounds like a plan,” she grinned. “You’ll take care of contacting Billy about getting me a new ID?”

“Yeah. I can do that,” Damon promised. “Anything else you can think of that you’ll need?” 

“Other than replacing my electronics and other things we can get on the road, no. When are we going to turn me?” 

“Not until we settle down somewhere. Be thinking about where you want to go,” Damon told her. 

“Sounds good,” Elena said with a smile. She already had a pretty good idea, but a little more thinking never hurt anyone. And it would give Damon less time to think up arguments against it. “But first I need to use your shower. I smell like sex.” 

“Want some company?” he asked hopefully. 

“Like I’d say no?” she grinned as she headed that way, leaving him to follow. Elena glanced at the clock on the way and saw that she still had an hour if she was going to make it home for dinner and thus avoid any questions about where she’s been, so she was glad they would have a little time to play. She just needed to rinse more than actually wash, so as soon as they were in the shower, she pressed him against the wall and kissed him deeply. 

Damon sucked in a sharp breath as he kissed her back, holding her tightly against him as his hands massaged over her back and ass. Her lips and teeth and tongue trailed down his neck and over his shoulders as she muttered smugly, “My turn to explore your body.” Damon moaned as his head fell back against the wall. He just hoped he would be able to keep his legs under him if this was going where she was implying. After all, she knew his body as well as he did and had all the knowledge and experience he did too. Fuck if this wasn’t gonna kill him in the best possible way. 

Elena’s trek continued with her mouth and hands, one going to his cock that was already at attention, stroking slowly in just the way he liked. The way he’d touched himself a thousand times. Her hand may be smaller now, but she still knew exactly how to drive him crazy. The other hand teased over all the most sensitive spots on his body, including his nipples and when she pinched one at the same time she bit the other, Damon cried out in pleasure and bucked into her hand. She lathed the attention there for a few minutes before continuing down, pressing light nips over the contours of his muscles.

By the time she got to her prize, Damon was a quivering mess of whimpers and moans and when her lips slid over his length, he breathed out, “Oh, fuck,” as his hand slid into her hair and his eyes rolled back in his head. “Fuck fuck fuck…’Lena…god…” She gave a pleased hum around him, sending another jolt of pleasure vibrating through his body as her hand trailed down to knead over his balls while the other moved up over his body, pausing every so often at his nipples. She dragged it out for a good while, working him into a frenzy before she changed it up enough to get him off. “God…so close…shit baby…please…fuck…Elena!” he gasped and cried out the last word as he spilled himself down her throat. 

While Elena had plenty of theory in this process, she had next to no experience so she couldn’t help but choke as the stream hit her throat and pulled away to cough, but then she was right back well before he was finished, continuing to suck him through his release, not pulling off again until he was spent. She kissed his way quicker back up his body and ran her hands through his hair as she pressed short sweet kisses to his breathless lips, and he held her close. “God, I love you,” he breathed out.

“I love you too, Damon,” she whispered happily, just enjoying being with him. It was so much different and better than the way she’d been with him before. This way she could feel his arms around her, breathe in his scent, taste his skin on her lips, feel it all as herself. Granted she missed his thoughts and feelings a bit, but she would still take this any day. 

They stayed like that for a good while before Elena managed to pull away, getting an actual whimper from Damon. She chuckled and went back for one more kiss. “Just a few days and I’ll be yours forever,” she reminded him. 

“I can’t wait,” he smiled happily, brushing a hand down her cheek. 

“Me either,” Elena grinned and kissed him one last time before stepping out of the shower and opening the cabinet to grab towels, handing him one as he stepped out behind her. She dried herself as best she could before bending down to the bottom drawer of the cabinet to grab the hair dryer that Damon kept mostly for guests, but wouldn’t admit to using himself every now and then. 

Damon chuckled, still trying to get over the fact that she knew this place so well and where he kept everything. He leaned against the counter, still naked, as he watched her blow dry her hair, unable to get enough of the sight of her like this. Naked in his bathroom. It wasn’t even so much the sight of her body, though that was part of it. It was more the fact that she was so comfortable here. With him. Like she belonged. Like she was actually his just as he had always been hers. Long before he knew her even. Back when he thought he was dreaming of Katherine, it had always been Elena. 

She turned to look at him, giving him a soft smile like she knew what he was thinking and she probably did. While yes, some part of him was freaked out a feeling violated at the fact that she’d been so deep in his head for so long, it was far from the dominant part. The fact that she knew him…all of him. The good, the bad, the painful…everything…and still loved him. Still found something in him that was worthy. He didn’t have to worry about her finding out secrets and hating him for them because she knew everything already. There was nothing to hide. He had been laid bare and he was surprised how freeing that felt. It almost felt like he was in a dream and dear god if he was don’t ever let him wake up. 

It wasn’t until she had left that the doubts really started to settle in. It was too good to be true. Nothing this good ever happened to him without some kind of catch and he had to find out what it was before it was too late.


	21. Chapter 21

Damon got dressed and headed downstairs as he called Billy. “Hey I need an ID for a friend and you might as well get me one too.” 

“Can do,” Billy told him. “What do you need for your friend?”

“Female, five seven, brunette, brown eyes,” Damon told him. 

“Hmm. Let’s see…I have a five six brunette with brown eyes,” Billy said as he flipped through his current availability. 

“If you don’t find anything better between now and Wednesday we’ll take it,” Damon told him. “I also need to know if you’re aware of any good witches that are open minded enough to work for vampires?” 

“Depends on what kind of witch you need. I only know of one that will get into the darker stuff,” Billy told him. 

“I don’t need anything dark and would prefer not to deal with that kind of witch if I don’t have to,” Damon said with a wince. Regular witches gave him the creeps enough as it was. 

“Yeah I can get a couple names for you,” Billy offered. 

“Great. Get them to me when I see you Wednesday?” 

“Sure thing,” Billy told him and hung up. 

Damon let out a breath of relief. At least that part was handled. Or would be anyway. Now he could turn his attention to getting ready to leave. 

Elena got home just as Jenna was putting dinner on the table, and Jenna smiled at her. “Wow, home for dinner on a Friday night,” Jenna joked. 

“Yep. The life of being single,” Elena laughed. 

Jenna gave a little wince as she looked at Elena sympathetically. “I’m sorry about you and Stefan honey. I liked him.” 

“Yeah, I did too. But I need someone I can count on who isn’t going to bail on me at the drop of a hat,” Elena told her, sticking with the whole ‘he stood her up and then disappeared for a week’ excuse. 

“And that’s not an unreasonable expectation. I do understand,” Jenna assured her. Elena kept saying that she was okay with the breakup, but she had been acting different since then. Not necessarily bad different, but Jenna was a psych major. When there were significant personality changes it meant that there was something major going on. She just wished Elena would talk to her about it. 

Damon waited until Monday to break the news to Stefan. “I’m leaving town.”

“What? Why?” Stefan asked curiously. 

“Because there’s no point in me being here anymore. I came to free Katherine, but she’s not there. You have a nice life going here, and I don’t want to screw that up again. It’ll be nice to leave on somewhat good terms for once,” Damon told him. 

“What is this really about, Damon?” Stefan asked suspiciously. Damon never did anything without an ulterior motive. 

“See now, I just said that we were on good terms. Do you have to go and ruin it by always expecting the worst of me?” 

“Experience has taught me a few things,” Stefan told him. 

“Whatever. Think what you want. I just wanted you to know I was leaving is all,” Damon sighed and headed up to his room, slamming the door behind him as he started packing up his stuff. He had already let Liz and the council know he was leaving. Gave them an excuse about a buddy in Florida needing some help. Since Stefan was officially eighteen now there weren’t any legal worries. He had drained most of his bank accounts in the least suspicious manner he could, leaving his main account alone for appearances sake. It wasn’t like they needed money for most things anyway, but Elena might object to compelling freebies. 

Elena managed to make it through the weekend without letting on about anything. She zipped through her homework on Saturday. At least what was due early in the week. After that she spent most of the day reading and writing in her journal. She had already documented everything about the spell and it’s effects, so this one was all about the amazing afternoon she spent with Damon, the fact that they were leaving town and all kinds of dreams and plans about where they would go and what they would do. She planned on taking the journal with her, so she wasn’t worried about anyone finding it in the next few days. She’d found a better hiding spot after Jeremy’s little snooping episode. 

Sunday she spent just walking around town, losing herself in memories and continuing the work of separating her memories from Damon’s, but still spending a bit of time with his memories too. This would be the last time she saw this town for a while, but she knew they would be back one day. It was home for both of them. They would always come back. It would be different then though. It was always different. 

Monday it was back to a mind-numbing day at school. She and Bonnie were barely speaking at all, but Caroline’s chatter made that a non-issue most of the time. The few times she and Bonnie ended up alone it was always the same. Bonnie trying to talk her out of turning and being with Damon and everything else she disagreed with. Stefan was still avoiding her. Probably waiting for her to approach him since she’d been the one to ask for time. He would be waiting a long time for that. Jeremy was avoiding her just as much, but him she tried to get through to and failed miserably. Tuesday was a repeat of Monday except with a lot more restlessness. She wondered if anyone noticed. 

Elena waited until everyone was in bed Tuesday night before she started packing. She packed up a good portion of her favorite casual clothes in her big suitcase. The small suitcase was for her pictures, journals, and the other books that she didn’t want to leave behind. She only had two garment bags, but got a few of her fancy dresses in each one and then a duffel bag with other odds and ends. It took her about half an hour to finish up since it had all been planned ahead of time and some of it was even done ahead of time. The things that wouldn’t be noticed at least. 

That done, she moved over to her window and started tossing things out. She was very glad the bushes were under her window for the books suitcase otherwise it might have woke someone up when it hit, but the bushes caught it quietly. The duffel bag she carried downstairs since it had breakables and she got everything loaded in her car, hidden from casual view. Someone would actually have to get in to see it. When she was satisfied she snuck back in the house and went to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. 

Elena woke up with her alarm, full of nervous excitement that she tried to hide from Jenna. Jeremy obviously didn’t care. Once she was in her car she breathed a sigh of relief, already feeling the burdens falling off of her as she headed towards the edge of town. When she saw Damon leaning against the side of his convertible parked at the edge of the road, she grinned and pulled up behind him before she got out and all but jumped in his arms. He laughed and spun her around before planting a firm kiss on her lips. “We ready to hit the road?” 

“Help me get my stuff?” 

“Like you have to ask,” Damon chuckled already moving to her car. She grabbed the duffel bag and garment bag while he got both suitcases. The big suitcase fit in the trunk next to his bag and a cooler that she assumed had blood since it was hidden away in the back. Everything else went in the backseat next to another small bag of his and another cooler with more normal road trip fare. 

Once everything was loaded up, Damon pulled her car off into the woods, easy enough to be found if someone was looking, but not immediately visible on first glance so no one would report it early. Elena put the note she’d written in the driver’s seat before heading back to the Camaro and jumping over the door into the passenger seat just as Damon did in the driver’s seat. “First stop, New York?” she guessed. 

“You got it,” Damon grinned. “That’s where we get lost. What color do you think we should paint the car?” 

Elena pouted. “I really like this color. Plus won’t that take like a week or something?” 

“Peelable paint, princess,” he chuckled. “It’ll last a good six months…well past your birthday…and only takes a few hours to do.” 

“Okay. That’s not so bad then. How about red?” she suggested. 

“No way,” Damon shook his head. “Too flashy. We’re trying to stay under the radar here, remember.”

“Right. Okay. Black is too predictable. How about silver?” 

“Silver it is then,” Damon agreed as they hit the interstate and he punched the gas. Elena grinned and leaned her head back, loving the feel of the wind in her hair. This was one thing she’d missed about being back in her own body. The speed. Any human would wreck in a second if they tried weaving through this traffic at these speeds, but vampire reflexes made it a moot point.


	22. Chapter 22

When they pulled up in front of Billy’s bar, Damon told Elena to wait in the car and he would be back in a few minutes. It ended up taking him closer to ten, but then he was back and handing her a new ID that said she was twenty-three. Their next stop was in a shady looking neighborhood that made Elena raise her eyebrow. “Where are we?” she asked curiously. 

“Come on. You’ll see,” Damon said with a tight smile. Now that the moment was here, he was more than a little nervous about what would be found. She just shrugged and followed him, wondering what had him so on edge. When he knocked on the door, a woman answered soon after. 

“You must be Damon. I’m Aurora. Come. Let’s talk in the garden.” She may be open-minded enough to work for vampires…if the price was right…but one would never step foot in her home.

Damon completely understood her not inviting him in, and he and Elena followed her around the side of the house to a small fenced in garden. “Damon, what’s going on?” Elena was losing her patience as they sat down. 

“I’m wondering the same thing,” Aurora said as she poured some tea. “It’s not often that vampires seek out a witch like me.” Usually they went more for the darker witches. Whatever contact he found her through would have to have told him that she didn’t do that. 

Elena raised an eyebrow again at the mention of vampires and the knowledge that she was a witch and looked at Damon for an explanation. “I need you to check her over for any sort of magical influence.”

“What? Why?” Elena asked surprised and a little hurt that he would do this without talking to her. 

“Please understand, Elena,” he turned to her worriedly. “Your witch friend cast a spell on you that she didn’t understand and obviously went wrong if you were trapped in my mind because of it. Then you wake up and suddenly love me…”

“Because it gave me the chance to get to know you,” she pointed out. 

“Maybe,” Damon admitted. “Or maybe there are more consequences to that spell than you realize. I need to be absolutely sure before this goes too far to take it back,” Damon explained.

Elena sighed heavily. “Okay. I see your point. I’m already sure that I’m not being influenced by the spell, but I can see why you need the reassurance.” 

“Thank you for understanding,” Damon said with a half-smile before turning back to Aurora. “Can you do that?” 

“I can, but it will take time and you will need to leave,” she told him, more than a little impressed at his conscience. He definitely wasn’t a typical vampire. 

“How much time?” Elena asked. 

“A few hours. Let’s say four to be on the safe side,” Aurora told them both. 

“She will be safe with you?” Damon ordered as much as asked. 

“You have my word,” she nodded gravely. 

Damon pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to her. “I’ll be back in a few hours then. I’ll take care of the car in the meantime,” he told Elena. Elena pulled him into a short sweet kiss before he left her alone with the witch. 

Once they were alone, Aurora turned to Elena and said, “Tell me more about this witch friend of yours and the spell she cast. She truly didn’t understand it?”

“No. Bonnie is only seventeen and has only known about her magic for a few months. Her grandmother died not long after she started teaching her and her mom is gone, so she’s trying to learn on her own. She said that the spell was supposed to show me the truth about vampires, but it ended up getting me stuck in Damon’s mind and body for almost a hundred and fifty years.” 

“Oh my. That’s definitely not a good thing. She must be a very powerful witch,” Aurora said. “If she is that powerful and there is an influence on you still from that spell, I won’t be able to break it alone. I will be able to see if it’s there though.”

“I know there isn’t one, so it’s okay,” Elena chuckled. 

“Tell me how you felt about him before the spell,” she asked curiously. 

“Well I was dating his brother who was ‘supposedly’ the good one. From what I knew of Damon he was a borderline psychopath but had enough redeeming qualities to make a decent friend, though there was always some kind of connection between us from the start.” 

Aurora nodded. She could see why her vampire was concerned. For such a radical change in feelings, a magical influence wasn’t out of the question. “But that changed?” 

“Being in his head for so long…feeling his emotions, his thoughts…I learned to understand him. Why he did the things he did. How he turned out the way he did. And most of all that everything I knew about him was just barely scratching the surface. He doesn’t let people in very easily. He puts on fronts to keep people from getting close. When we met, those masks started to falter a little bit because of the whole connection we had which was how I was still able to see the good in him and once he fell in love with me, it changed a lot more.” 

Aurora was starting to agree more with Elena that there wasn’t anything magical behind her change in feelings, but also understood the need to be sure. “Since you’re human, you’re welcome to come into the house and we can get started,” she offered. 

“Damon isn’t a threat to you, you know,” Elena felt the need to tell her as she followed her inside. 

“Perhaps. He does seem trustworthy. But witches and vampires have been natural enemies for a thousand years or more. It is more prudent to be safe.” 

“I can understand that. I just wanted you to know,” Elena admitted. 

“Thank you,” Aurora told her. “Now, sit down in that circle. You may feel a tingling and perhaps some discomfort, but there shouldn’t be any pain. If there is, let me know immediately.” When Elena nodded, she began casting a series of spells. Elena definitely felt the tingling, but no discomfort and definitely no pain. What she did feel was boredom. She wished she had asked if she could bring a book in with her because sitting here staring at the walls was mind-numbing. She forced herself to remember that if she wasn’t here she would be in school which was just as bad these days. At least the spells were in Latin and Greek so she could follow along and learn something new even if she would never be able to cast any of them.

It was a little over three hours before she stopped chanting and told Elena, “You were right. There are no magical influences over you. Your thoughts and feelings are your own.” 

“Thank you, Aurora,” Elena smiled gratefully. “I’m sorry you had to waste your time and magic.”

“It wasn’t a waste. It’s always best to be sure in these situations. Besides, your vampire paid me well,” she laughed.

“There is that,” Elena laughed with her. 

They still had about half an hour before Damon would return so they went to sit outside on the front porch to wait for him and Aurora made conversation. “When he mentioned it going too far to take back…you want him to turn you, don’t you?” 

“Yeah. I do. I mean, I know you probably don’t agree and all, but…”

Aurora waved a hand dismissively. “It’s your choice and I would never presume to make it for you. You have experienced that life for so long anyway so you know better than most what it is you’re choosing. I assume your witch friend had other opinions on the matter?” she asked curiously, wondering what led to that spell in the first place. 

“Yeah. She hates vampires. Her grandmother died because of a spell they did to help vampires after Bonnie was taken hostage and used as a bargaining chip by one. Her grandmother always hated vampires and she picked it up after all that. She hated the fact that I was dating a vampire and wanted to show me the truth so I would hate them as much as she did.”

“It would seem that her spell backfired,” Aurora chuckled. 

“Big time,” Elena grinned. 

“Well if either of you ever have need of a witch again, you can feel free to call me. Just know that I won’t do anything dark or that compromises my morality,” she warned. 

“And we would never ask for anything like that from you,” Elena assured her as Damon drove up in his now silver car. 

She could see his nervousness as he walked up and didn’t even give either of them a chance to speak before he asked Aurora, “The verdict?” 

Elena smiled brightly and kissed him. “I’m clean.” She wasn’t at all surprised when Damon looked to the witch for confirmation and when she nodded, he broke out in a grin. He kissed her again, this time with much more feeling as he picked her up and spun her around happily, pulling a laugh from Aurora.


	23. Chapter 23

Once they were back on the road, Damon asked her. “So did you decide where you want to go?” 

“Yep. LA,” she grinned. 

Damon groaned. “Oh come on. Really? The land of hipsters and bums and fake everything?” 

“Well we’ve done most of the other hot spots. Chicago, Philly, New York, New Orleans, Boston…We haven’t hit the west coast at all. Besides, it’s supposed to be beautiful there and it’s never boring.” 

Damon sighed. “There is that. And I guess going someplace I’m known to love would be a bad idea. So it looks like we’re heading to LA.” 

They weren’t in any hurry, so they only drove about ten hours a day, especially since Elena refused to drive his car before she was a vampire. After so long as him, the urge to drive too fast was too much. She had been uncomfortable enough driving her car the little bit she had in the last week and a half. Their first stop was in Bloomsburg Pennsylvania shortly after dark after only a few hours of driving. They just wanted to get some distance between them and New York. Once they got there, they stopped at an electronics store to get Elena a new computer and phone before heading to an upscale hotel where Damon compelled their nicest suite from the manager. 

Damon waited for Elena to tell him off about it, but he wasn’t going to ask for permission first. He wasn’t quite /that/ whipped. He was surprised when Elena didn’t say anything though. Once he got her settled in the suite, he left her to set up her new devices while he went out to feed. Since they were away from Mystic Falls now, he had a lot more freedom to do so. Before he left, Elena pulled him into a long kiss. “I love you,” she told him. 

He smiled happily at her. “I love you too.” 

While he was gone, Elena got her new computer booting up and doing the initial updates before she started setting up her phone. She put Damon’s number in first and after a moment of thought, put in Jenna, Jeremy, Caroline, and Bonnie. She wouldn’t be calling any of them for at least four months, but having their numbers there made her feel better. That done, she texted Damon with her new number so he could save it and then set up a new email address. She would check her old one on the computer where she was able to route it through proxy servers to mask her location. Damon wasn’t exactly the most technology minded person in the world, but once he gave into the craze learning to hide that way became a priority for him to learn. She didn’t do that tonight though. She had just barely finished setting them up when Damon got back there were other priorities. 

Elena shut the computer as Damon came in and set her phone down on the table. “So…I’m not sure if you realized, but this suite has a hot tub…”

Damon laughed and pulled her into a searing kiss. “You read my mind,” he smirked as he started moving them towards the bathroom, clothes already being shed. Elena had turned the hot tub on almost as soon as Damon left, so it was ready for them and by the time they got to it, they were both more than ready too. When Damon sat down he went to pull her into his lap, but she turned around so that her back was to him, taking a moment to line up before dropping hard on his cock, pulling choked moan from his throat. “God…Elena…” he gasped out as he thrust up into her. 

Elena arched her back, laying her head on his shoulder as her hands tangled in his hair. His hands clutched her hips as she rode him and he kissed and nipped his way over her neck and shoulders. She set a fast pace. They had all night for slow, but she had been dying for him for days now and she needed this. She could tell by the way he was matching her movements that he did too and his hands slid roughly up her stomach, clutching at her breasts as his breaths came faster and heavier. She knew that neither of them were going to last much longer, so she pulled his mouth to her neck. “Bite me, Damon,” she panted. 

He was way too far gone to argue and he bared his fangs and sunk them gently into her neck, and at the first pull of her warm blood he gave a grunting moan as he spilled over and then she was right there with him, milking his cock for every last drop as she cried his name. He didn’t stop drinking until they were both spent, though he did take care to drink slowly so he wouldn’t take too much. When she went to turn to look at him, he let his face fade back to normal and went to wipe the blood off his chin, but she caught his hand before he could. 

“Don’t,” she said gently, pressing a soft kiss to his blood covered lips. “You don’t have to hide anything from me, Damon.” She reached out and trailed her thumbs under his eyes. “Let me see you,” she coaxed. Damon hesitated for a moment before he let his fangs elongate and felt the tightness around his eyes from the protruding veins. Elena smiled and let her thumbs continue tracing the veins around his eyes before moving and brushing them over his lips. When she leaned down to kiss him slowly, Damon was careful with his fangs as he kissed her back gently. When she pulled away, she smiled again. “This is you, Damon. Just as much as everything else is. And I love /all/ of you.” 

Damon felt the tears pooling in his eyes as his face faded back to normal and he nodded, swallowing heavily around the lump in his throat before he told her, “And I love all of you, Elena. Human, vampire, or anything else you choose to be, I will always love you.” She settled sideways across his lap, one arm over his shoulders as her other hand trailed his chest and she laid her head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her, hands trailing over her skin as they enjoyed the hot tub and each other. A few minutes later, Damon asked, “What one thing are you most looking forward to about LA?”

“The beaches,” Elena grinned. 

“There are beaches in Virginia you know,” he chuckled. 

“I know. But not like the California beaches,” Elena pointed out. “What about you? I know you’re not totally sold on the destination, but there must be something you think you’ll like about it.”

“The night life,” Damon answered after a moment’s thought. “But that would be the same no matter what city we go to.” 

“I’ve read there are some amazing libraries in LA,” she pointed out with a chuckle, reminding him that he didn’t have to play up the party boy persona in front of her. Not that she doubted that they would enjoy the night life, but she knew that it wasn’t the most important thing. 

“Hmm. We’ll see,” he said skeptically. 

“I’m serious,” she said amusedly. “I think your favorite will be the Doheny Memorial library. It’s of Romanesque gothic architecture. Or maybe the Hoose Library of Philosophy. It’s smaller, but the architecture is more of the cathedral style and darker.” 

Damon laughed and shook his head. “It figures you would do research on that kind of thing.”

“Well I didn’t want to end up somewhere you hated,” she told him. “Besides…I like libraries too. I want to be a writer remember.” 

“I do remember,” Damon assured her. “And I can’t wait to read what you write.” 

“Will you compel a publisher to print it?” she asked with a grin. 

“I won’t need to,” Damon told her. “They’ll take one look at anything you write and immediately see how talented you are and then they’ll be dying to publish it anyway.” And if he needed to he would compel them, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. Granted she would be able to compel them herself by then unless she changed her mind about becoming a vampire, but he knew she wouldn’t. She would want to take the moral high road and leave the trenches for him and he didn’t mind in the slightest. 

They stayed in the hot tub for about half an hour before moving to the bed and spending the next few hours reveling in each other’s bodies until they fell asleep, curled together on the huge bed that was almost as big as Damon’s custom bed at home.


	24. Chapter 24

The next morning, Elena checked her email before they hit the road again, but didn’t have anything interesting. She hadn’t expected to really. No one would have noticed that she was missing until this morning at the earliest when she wasn’t home and her bed hadn’t been slept in, and even then there was a chance that Jenna would just assume that she slept over somewhere else. She might have a few phone calls from people wondering where she was, but that was it. Worst case scenario they would start looking for her car this afternoon and depending on how quick they found it, got the note, and realized that her phone was left behind, /then/ she would start getting emails. 

The weather was rather dreary today, which meant that the top was up on the car as they got back on the interstate heading west. On the plus side, that made more room for conversation and they spent most of the day talking, teasing, and joking. Right up until mid-afternoon when Damon’s phone rang. Damon sighed heavily and shushed her before answering. “Stefan! Miss me already?” he joked. 

“I knew that you were up to something, Damon. How could you do this? You can’t just kidnap Elena and take off with her!”

Elena rolled her eyes and held out her hand for the phone and Damon hesitantly handed it to her. “He didn’t /kidnap/ anyone, Stefan. I /asked/ him to help me get out of town and he was nice enough to agree.”

“I know you think he’s doing this to be nice, Elena, but this is Damon. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word. He always has an ulterior motive,” Stefan tried to reason. 

“Oh shut up, Stefan. You don’t know anything,” Elena snapped. “I’m fine and he’s not going to listen to your abuse for helping me. Goodbye, Stefan,” she hung up and handed the phone back to an amused Damon.

“Are you sure it was wise telling him we were together?” Damon asked worriedly. 

“He had obviously already decided that we were and if he really thought that you had kidnapped me and were hurting me, then he might get help to hunt us down. This way at least he knows I’m here willingly.” 

“That won’t necessarily stop him from hunting us down,” Damon pointed out. 

“No, but it will stop him from involving the police in it,” she told him. 

“Probably,” Damon admitted. It was still better than the alternative though and he could see her point. “I wonder how long it will take him to talk to witchy and find out the whole deal.”

“Probably tomorrow,” Elena chuckled. “So expect another call then.” 

“I’ll set my watch,” Damon laughed. 

About the time they got to their next hotel along the way, Elena’s car was being found by Liz, who had brought Jenna along when she got the call. Jenna felt both better and worse when she saw the note with her name on front in Elena’s handwriting. 

Jenna,  
I’m sorry. I had to leave. I just can’t stay in this town anymore with all the ghosts and memories. I was trying to stick it out until my birthday, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I love you. Tell Jeremy I love him too. I’ll be in touch once no one can force me back there.  
Elena

Jenna sighed heavily and hung her head. “What is it?” Liz asked. 

“She left. Ran away,” Jenna said sadly. 

Liz echoed her sigh as she considered their options. “You know that I would do anything in my power to help, Jenna, but realistically speaking, there’s not that much I can do. If she’s left town, and even the state, then it’s out of my jurisdiction and no one is going to waste resources on a runaway that’s only a few months shy of eighteen. If she was taken it would be a different story, but…” 

“I know,” Jenna nodded. “I wouldn’t want you to anyway. It would be a waste of time to drag her home just for her to leave again in a few months and then she would hate and resent us for it. As much as I hate to say it…we have to let her go.” That didn’t stop her from calling Bonnie and Caroline to ask what, if anything, they knew. 

Caroline didn’t know anything, but Bonnie immediately broke down in tears. “Oh god. This is all my fault.” 

“Why would you think it’s your fault?” Jenna asked her worriedly. 

Bonnie knew that she couldn’t give the whole reason, but Jenna needed something. “Because we were fighting. When she broke up with Stefan she told me that she had feelings for Damon and I got mad at her for it.” 

“Damon?” Jenna asked confused. She wasn’t that surprised that Elena had a thing for him. Damon was ridiculously hot and after he was all knight in shining armor for her at the pageant it was understandable. What surprised her was that she didn’t know about it. “Wait…didn’t Damon just leave town?” The pieces started to click together. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t really talked to Stefan lately,” Bonnie told her. “But if he did, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were together.” 

“Okay. Thank you, Bonnie. And don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault,” Jenna told her. She actually felt a little better that Damon was with her. She didn’t have the best opinion of Damon overall, but she knew that he would protect Elena at least. A young girl out in the world traveling alone, anything could happen. 

The next morning, Elena checked her email again, and saw one from Jenna. 

Elena,  
First, I want to say that no one is going to try to bring you home. It would be rather pointless when you could just leave again in a few months anyway and probably hate us for trying in the first place. I wish you could have talked to me though. Talked to someone at least. Leaving a note in your car as you skip town is not cool, Elena. We deserved better than that.   
Please call me. Just so I can hear your voice and know that you’re okay. That no one forced you to write the note and kidnapped you or something. I hate what you did, but know that I still love you, Elena. And home will always be here whenever you’re ready to come back to it.  
Jenna

Elena couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes at reading the email. She could almost feel Jenna’s hurt through it. She bit her lip in indecision. She hadn’t planned to contact any of them until her birthday, but if Jenna worried that she was kidnapped instead of left on her own…

“What’s wrong, baby?” Damon asked worriedly as he sat down and wrapped an arm around her. Elena just motioned to the computer screen and Damon read the email. “Well calling her is a bad idea. That would either give her your new number which would defeat the purpose of dumping your phone in the first place or if we call her from the hotel phone she’ll know where we are right now and they’ll have a direction to look.”

“I know, but I hate how worried she is,” Elena said sadly. 

“Why don’t you just video chat from your computer?” Damon suggested. “We can make sure any logos or anything that can identify the hotel is hidden and the curtains are closed. It’ll probably make her feel better to see you rather than just hear you anyway. A phone call can be coerced too, after all.”

“Okay,” Elena sighed with relief. “That works. And I know Aunt Jenna has Skype and she’s almost always on her computer working on her dissertation during the day.” 

“Then there you go. I can start loading up the car if you want some privacy…”

“No,” she said quickly. “Stay. Just…stay quiet and out of sight.” Damon nodded and they started setting up the computer. They decided to do it in the living room since that’s where the desk was and Elena could sit on the couch which meant Damon was waiting in the bedroom. Once they made sure that there was nothing that could identify where they were, Elena took a few deep breaths before hitting the call button from her new Skype account. 

“Elena?!” Jenna asked the moment her face appeared. “Oh my god, are you okay? Where are you?”

“I’m fine, Aunt Jenna,” Elena assured her. “I’m in a hotel right now, but I don’t want to say where.”

Jenna took a steadying breath. “Right. Okay. I told you no one is going to try and force you home though,” she reminded her. 

“I don’t want to take the chance right now, Aunt Jenna. I’m sorry,” Elena said sadly. 

“Okay, but you’re safe?”

“Yes. I’m very safe,” Elena assured her again. 

“Can we talk for a little while?” Jenna asked hopefully.


	25. Chapter 25

Elena considered that for a moment, but since she knew it would take more than a little while for her to be traced, she nodded. “Okay. For a little while. But the check out time for the hotel is in less than an hour so it can’t be too long.” 

“Okay. That’s fine,” Jenna agreed. “Why wouldn’t you just talk to me, Elena? Did you really think I wouldn’t understand?”

“No, I knew you would understand, but I also knew that you wouldn’t let me go so easily,” Elena told her. “And then you would be watching and getting away would be so much harder.”

“So you thought a note was the right way?” Jenna asked incredulously. 

“Not the right way, no,” Elena admitted. “I’m sorry, Aunt Jenna. Really. But I just couldn’t live there one more day. It was killing me.”

“I thought you were getting better,” Jenna said sadly. “I thought you were moving on.”

“I was pretending,” Elena lied. “Nothing could have made it better. Not when everything else stayed the same.”

“Maybe we all could have gone somewhere then. Took some time away. We would have done that for you if that’s what you needed, Elena.” 

“I know,” Elena said sadly, feeling bad for the lie, but it wasn’t like she could tell Jenna the truth. “But a vacation wouldn’t have helped either. Not much anyway. I need a fresh start. A whole new life. Far away from everything Mystic Falls represents.” 

Jenna sighed, realizing that they were just beating a dead horse now. They could talk around this all day, but it didn’t change anything, so she moved on. “Bonnie thinks you’re with Damon.” 

“She does?” 

Jenna could see the twitch in Elena’s face that told her the truth there. “He won’t be in any trouble either if you are, Elena. A few months either way isn’t really that big of a deal and it would make me feel better to know that you weren’t alone out there. That someone was looking out for you. Even if it is Damon.” Jenna saw Elena’s eyes cut to the side which made her even more sure of the truth. She seemed to be having a silent conversation and then Damon was stepping into view and sat next to Elena on the couch. 

“I want you to know, Jenna, that this wasn’t my idea,” Damon assured her. “Elena came to me and asked for help. She knew that if she took her car that she would be found right away and I wasn’t about to have her out there hitchhiking or something.” He wasn’t exactly throwing Elena under the bus. She’d already done that herself, so there was no reason for Jenna to hate them both and if he could get in good with her all the better. 

“Thank you, Damon,” Jenna told him, not sure how much of that she believed. That it was Elena’s idea, yes. She could believe that if only because there was no reason for Damon to leave town otherwise and even leave his brother behind. “Now I would appreciate an honest answer to this question, keeping in mind that no one will be in trouble for anything…Are you two together?” 

Elena and Damon looked at each other nervously for a moment before looking back to the screen and Elena said, “Yes. We are.” 

“Since when?” Jenna asked. 

“Last Friday. When I went to ask him for help leaving,” Elena told her mostly honestly. 

“Thank you for being honest,” Jenna told them both before looking at Damon seriously. “You take care of her, okay?”

“Always,” Damon promised. “But I’m surprised you trust me to.”

“I don’t trust you with her heart,” Jenna said honestly. “But I do trust you with her safety. Her heart is her own mistake to make.” 

“I understand. But I won’t break her heart either,” Damon said earnestly. 

“We’ll see,” Jenna said skeptically before turning back to Elena. “At least tell me you’ll finish school? If you need me to sign something for you to enroll, feel free to send it over, but please finish school.”

“I’ll be finishing up with a tutor. At least for this year. Maybe next year too, depending on how it goes. I already have a tutor lined up even. He has a PhD and worked as a college professor for a few years so he’s qualified.” It took every ounce of self-control Damon had to keep a straight face at that. “I also plan to take the SATs right after my birthday.” 

“Okay. That’s good,” Jenna sighed with relief. “And college?” 

“I haven’t decided yet,” Elena told her. “I want to be a writer so I don’t technically /need/ college. It’ll depend on how things go. I don’t want to cut the option off though so I’ll keep my grades up and all.” 

“Okay. That’s good. Where will you live? I don’t mean geographically. I know you don’t want to tell me that, but I mean…will you rent or buy, apartment or house…” Jenna tried to help with all the things she could think of that Elena probably hadn’t. “What about bills and groceries and everything?”

“I have more than enough money to support us,” Damon jumped in there. “The options we haven’t discussed yet. We’ll probably just see what’s available, but money won’t be an issue.” 

“Good. I’m glad,” she said relieved. She knew that the Salvatore’s had money, but she didn’t know how much. As far as she knew Damon never had a job in Mystic Falls which meant he probably wouldn’t wherever they were going too, so it had been a legitimate concern. At least he had experience running a household so he would know if they had enough. She was still skeptical about how long Damon would stick around, but if nothing else, it might bring Elena home. “You’ll keep in touch?” she asked hopefully. 

“I don’t know,” Elena said nervously. “Probably,” was the best she could do. Jenna seemed to be accepting and all, so she felt a little better about it, but still not completely comfortable with the idea. 

Jenna assumed they would be settling in one of the many states where the age of consent was sixteen, so it wouldn’t be an issue anyway, but she accepted the probably and at least she had Elena’s new Skype account now so that was something. “Okay. Please do.”

“I have to go now, Aunt Jenna. We only have a few more minutes to get packed up and on the road.” 

“Okay. Take care of yourself, Elena. And you take care of her too, Damon. I hope to talk to you soon,” Jenna said as she ended the call and let out a relieved breath. She couldn’t even pinpoint what she was feeling right now there were so many emotions rolling around there. 

At the same time that Jenna and Elena were talking, a witch was confronting a vampire in an empty classroom at the high school. “Where is your brother?” She just had to know if they were together. She had to know how badly she’d screwed things up. 

“I don’t know,” Stefan sighed. “I tried tracking his phone, but he has his GPS turned off. I know he’s with Elena though and she says she went willingly, but…”

“I’m sure she did,” Bonnie sighed. “And it’s all my fault.”

“What are you talking about?” Stefan asked her. “How is this your fault? Damon is the one that did this.” Just when he thought his brother was starting to get better, he went and pulled something like this. 

“No, I’m pretty sure it was Elena’s idea. See, I did this spell, but it backfired. Somehow she ended up trapped in Damon’s mind ever since he became a vampire and she ended up falling for him. Now she wants to be vampire too and be with him,” Bonnie explained. 

“Wait…what?” Stefan asked dumbfounded. “That doesn’t make any sense. If she was in his mind then she knows everything that he did…”

“She said it doesn’t matter. She thinks that she can change him. That he’ll be better with her,” Bonnie told him. 

“That’s insane,” Stefan said shocked. 

“I know,” Bonnie sighed. “But she won’t listen to reason. She even tricked me into making a daylight ring for her.”

Stefan huffed as he realized, “and tricked me into testing it….That’s not like her. She’s not that person.”

“Being a part of Damon for so long changed her,” Bonnie said sadly. “Like I said…it’s my fault.”

“Why would you even cast a spell like that anyway?” Stefan asked incredulously. 

“It wasn’t supposed to do that!” Bonnie protested. “It was just supposed to show her that vampires are monsters. Not trap her in the head of one of the worst of them.” 

“What if it did more than that?” Stefan asked worriedly. 

“What do you mean?” Bonnie asked. How could it get any worse?

“What if it tied her to him somehow? What if that’s why she thinks she has feelings for him?” 

“Oh god,” Bonnie gasped. “I should have thought about that. I should have tried to help her. Now it’s too late.” 

“No, it’s not,” Stefan shook his head. “We can still fix this.”


	26. Chapter 26

Damon and Elena had just crossed the border into California when Damon’s phone rang. “Stefan again.” He answered it with a cheery, “Good day to you, brother. I don’t think we talked this much when we were living together.” 

“Let me talk to Elena,” Stefan said tightly. 

“You know…asking nicely is a thing. You get more flies with honey,” he sing-songed the last part. 

“Just give her the damn phone,” Stefan snapped. 

“I’m not talking to him until he asks nicely either,” Elena said haughtily, knowing that Stefan could hear her. 

Stefan grit his teeth and said tensely, “May I please speak with Elena?” 

“Of course, brother. All you had to do was ask,” Damon said amusedly as he handed Elena the phone. 

Elena was biting her lip not to laugh as she said, “Hello, Stefan. Nice to talk to you again. I hope you’ve given up on this whole kidnapping idea.” 

“Listen…Elena…Bonnie and I have a theory. We think the spell messed with your head and your feelings too. You need to come home so we can fix it,” Stefan begged. 

Elena couldn’t keep from laughing at that. “Your brother thought the same thing, you know. Which was why our first stop out of town was to a witch that could double check. A witch who actually knows what she’s doing and doesn’t cast spells that she doesn’t understand on her unsuspecting friends.” 

“He probably compelled her to say what he wanted her to say,” Stefan argued. 

“First of all…I was there for every conversation he had with the witch and I’m still wearing vervain so he couldn’t have compelled me to forget. Second of all…it was all his idea. I wasn’t even worried about it because I /knew/ that nothing like that was going on. If he was going to fake it, he never would have said a word and we wouldn’t have bothered in the first place.”

“Well then maybe the witch was wrong,” Stefan suggested. 

“No. She wasn’t. I heard every word of all the spells she used and saw evidence that the magic was working. She knew what she was doing,” Elena told him. 

“Spells aren’t in English, Elena,” Stefan pointed out, knowing that she didn’t speak any other languages and doubting that Damon had kept up on his Latin enough for her to learn from his mind. 

“I know. They were in Latin and Greek. Both of which I speak now thanks to Damon. Along with a few others,” Elena said smugly. 

“She has to be wrong, Elena. Because otherwise this doesn’t make sense,” Stefan said desperately. 

“No, you know what doesn’t make sense, Stefan?” Elena asked irritated. “The fact that you are so wrong about your brother. The fact that you don’t know him at all.”

“Oh I know him plenty, Elena,” Stefan said distastefully. 

“Okay, how about you tell me what’s so horrible about him and I’ll tell you how you’re wrong then,” she snapped. When she realized what she just offered, she looked worriedly at Damon, not sure how he’d feel about her broadcasting his personal business, but he just shrugged and waved at her to go ahead. He didn’t think she would get through to Stefan, but it couldn’t hurt to try. It couldn’t exactly make things any worse. 

“He kills people, Elena,” Stefan told her. 

“You’ve killed people too, Stefan,” she replied.

“But he does it intentionally. Without remorse.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Yes, sometimes he does kill intentionally, but not often. And intentional or not, he definitely feels remorse. More than you could imagine.”

“But he still keeps doing it,” Stefan pointed out. 

“And so do you. You’re not perfect either, Stefan. Now tell me specific things or this conversation is over.” 

“Okay…let’s start from the very beginning. He abandoned me in eighteen sixty four to save his own ass.” 

“No. He didn’t. He left because of your actions because he had someone else to protect,” Elena told him, glancing over at Damon every few seconds to give him a chance to stop her before she spilled something he didn’t want known. 

“Who?” Stefan scoffed. “Who could have been more important than his brother?” 

“Emily’s baby,” Elena said bluntly. “Emily gave her to Damon right before they picked her up. She begged him to take her away and protect her. He stuck around though. For weeks. He tried so hard to help you and figure out how to take care of a baby and he ran himself ragged. When he realized that you were going to get you both caught, he couldn’t risk Marie’s life that way, so he took the baby and left.” 

“Why wouldn’t he just tell me that?” Stefan asked skeptically. 

“Think about what you were like then, Stefan. Would you have trusted you around a baby? You were so desperate for him stay and didn’t even have your humanity, you wouldn’t have thought twice about killing her to take away his reason to leave,” Elena snapped. 

Stefan couldn’t argue with that, but that didn’t mean he had to give up. “Why didn’t he come back then after?” 

“A few reasons. First, he didn’t just dump Marie with a family somewhere. Emily wanted him to raise her, but to find a witch to teach her when she got old enough. The witch he found was of the opinion that vampires should never be around children and almost killed him as she dragged Marie away. That was five years later. You had already moved on and he fell off the rails after that. She was as good as his daughter and she’d been taken away from him. He lost the one thing that made his existence matter, and he was lost. It took him a long time to come back from that.”

“So then he found me fifty years later and decided to drive me over the edge too?” Stefan scoffed. 

“No, he had every intention of staying away from you, but then you asked to be his brother again and he wanted that so badly. He was desperate for someone to care. To not be alone anymore. He was trying to help you live a better life. To teach you to feed on humans in moderation without killing them. /You/ are the one who lost it. It wasn’t his fault.”

“And then he just left me to it?” Stefan scoffed. 

“No, Stefan. Then he spent the next ten years following you around and cleaning up after you. You don’t honestly think that the trail you left wouldn’t have had you caught and killed if he hadn’t? He tried to help you so many times, but you just kept pushing him away and you found new friends. It wasn’t until the day that you called your new vampire buddy ‘brother’ and said how glad you were to finally have a good brother, that he gave up. You don’t have any idea how much that hurt him.” 

“And then he abandoned me again in forty two. After he was the one to suggest coming with me,” Stefan argued, not even close to giving up yet. 

“You think he wanted to? Lexi made him! He was there, at the train station when she ambushed him. She told him that he was poison. That he did nothing but hurt you and if he went with you then he would destroy you again. That you were better off without him and if he cared at all about you then he would walk away. She fed every insecurity and fear that he had and he believed her and it broke his heart to do it, but he walked away so that /you/ could be happy.” 

“Lexi never told me that…” 

“Of course, she didn’t. She hated the idea of you and Damon being close and if you knew how much he cared it might change your mind about him,” Elena snapped. 

“Is that why he killed her?” Stefan asked honestly curious this time. 

“It was part of it. There were a lot of reasons there and if you think he didn’t hate himself for it then you’re blind.” 

“Still…she went to help him in seventy seven and he repaid her by trying to kill her then too,” he pointed out, not willing to accept that one. 

“Because /you/ should have been there to help him, Stefan. You should have cared enough to bother. But you didn’t.”

“She had more experience…”

“His humanity was off, Stefan,” she snapped. “Don’t you think someone that cared would be able to reach him better?”

“Why would he even turn his humanity off in the first place if he didn’t want to just be able to kill without the guilt?” Stefan asked. 

“You have no idea what he went through,” Elena snarled, noticing Damon wince. When she stopped talking he waved his hand for her to continue. He didn’t like hearing about it and refused to even consider talking about it, but if it helped him get his brother back it would be worth it.

“Then tell me. What could possibly be so bad that even he couldn’t handle it?”

“First he was betrayed by his own family. Zach’s father sold him to a secret society that ‘studied’ vampires. Five years we spent there. Being tortured. Dissected alive. Organs cut out so they could record how fast they grew back. Skin flayed off. Boiled in water. Bathed in acid. Flesh eating bacteria. Eyes and extremities removed. All while he was awake and could feel every agonizing moment. Starved to the point of near desiccation the entire time. Turning his humanity off was the only way he could manage to escape.” 

“Oh god,” Stefan breathed out. He couldn’t even imagine. 

“But you know what his most prominent thought was the entire time he was stuck there?” Elena asked. “What’s taking Stefan so long? He’ll be here any time now.” 

“I didn’t know,” Stefan protested. 

“I know you didn’t. Because you didn’t give a shit. He was banking on the fact that you cared about him as much as he cared about you. He barely went more than two years without checking up on you. But you /didn’t/ care. You never bothered. And then…when you did find out that he was in trouble…you just sent someone else and washed your hands of it.”

“That’s not fair,” Stefan protested. 

“Maybe not, but it’s true,” Elena snapped. “It took him so long to pull himself out of that hole, Stefan. He was drowning in it. And then he sucked it up and came to you for help. He wanted to reconnect. To find family again. To have someone to lean on. Someone to care. Someone to keep him tethered to his humanity, and you turned him.”

“He was feeding on people!” 

“Of course he was!” Elena yelled. “He’s a vampire, Stefan. You should know that. You forced him to become one in the first place! But he wasn’t hurting anyone. He wasn’t killing anyone. He even compelled away any pain from the bites along with their memories of it. He was doing it safely and humanely, but that wasn’t good enough for you, was it?” 

“It’s still not right. They’re people not food.”

“Who the hell are you to say what’s right and what’s not!?” Elena really lost her temper. “People /are/ food to vampires. By feeding safely and humanely he /was/ treating them like people. Otherwise he would have just killed them and disposed of them.” 

“Like he did later on?” Stefan snapped. 

“You mean after you ripped his heart out and crushed his spirit? Told him that he was nothing but a monster and that was all he would ever be? After you told him that his very existence destroyed your entire life? After you took a man who had been beaten down, betrayed, tortured, abandoned…who wanted nothing more than someone to care…and told him that he would never have it because he didn’t deserve it and no one could ever love someone like him? And you’re surprised he lashed out?! YOU broke him Stefan. YOU did. /Everything/ that happened there is on YOUR head. NOT his. The fact that he doesn’t /despise/ you for everything you’ve done to him and all the ways you’ve destroyed his life is a miracle and proves more than anything what kind of man he really is.” 

“That doesn’t…”

“I’m done, Stefan. If I EVER hear one more disparaging word about your brother come out of your mouth, you will WISH you never met me. Because /I/ will be the one dishing out an eternity of misery and /I’ll/ actually follow through on the threat,” she snapped as she hung up the phone.


	27. Chapter 27

Even if Elena couldn’t see the tears in Damon’s eyes, the fact that he was driving at a normal human speed would have told her that he wasn’t doing well, so she reached out and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry, babe. I lost my temper. I shouldn’t have told him all that.”

“No, it’s fine,” Damon assured her, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “At least now I’ll know if there’s ever a chance for me to have a brother again. If he doesn’t come around after that, then he never will.”

“Still…it should have come from you. It should have been your decision,” she said apologetically. 

“It was my decision, ‘Lena,” Damon said softly as he turned to look at her. “I could have stopped you at any time. I even told you to keep going. It wouldn’t have meant as much coming from me and I never would have been able to get the point across as well as you did. You know how hard it is for me to talk about stuff like that.” 

“Yeah. That’s true,” Elena huffed a laugh. 

“Besides…now there isn’t any doubt how much you love me and even support me,” he pointed out. 

“You had doubts before?” she asked worriedly. 

“Some,” he admitted. “But I’m sure you know why even better than I do,” he chuckled. 

“Because you couldn’t believe that you could ever have something good and that you didn’t deserve to?” she guessed, and he nodded. “But you can, and you do, Damon. You should have had it all along and if there was any way possible for me to have been there I would have stopped at nothing to prove that.” 

“I know that now,” he said with a sad smile, reaching a hand over to brush her cheek. “But you’re here now and that’s what matters.” 

“And I always will be,” she promised. 

“And I will spend the rest of my eternity trying my damndest to make sure you never regret it,” he promised in return. 

With as much as he’d had to slow down, night had already fallen by the time they got to LA so he took them to a hotel first, once again getting her settled into the room before heading out to hunt as was becoming routine. Tomorrow they would find a place to live and talk some more about making her a vampire so she could join him on his hunts. He had already done some scouting online and had a few possibilities for places to live that they could go see tomorrow. He wanted to surprise her with them though. To see if he knew her half as well as she knew him. 

The next morning, he drove them to the first address to meet with the realtor. “So I found a few places that you might like. If not, we can keep looking.”

Elena laughed. “Damon, I don’t care where we live. As long as I’m with you.” 

“That doesn’t mean we can’t have the house of your dreams anyway though,” he pointed out amusedly. 

“I guess not,” she shrugged with a grin. It was so sweet how he was trying to make everything perfect. She had already decided that she was going to choose one of the ones he already found though. There was no need to make things difficult by continuing to look. 

It wasn’t until the third place they saw around lunchtime that she immediately fell in love. This was it. Where she wanted to live. Hell she could spend the rest of forever here and never get tired of it. And that was just the entryway. The white tile floor with the grey marble staircase and wrought iron railings heading up. The crystal chandelier suspended above it. The incredible engraved details in the large double doors leading off to one side. The whole thing just screamed luxury. 

Then they continued in and she fell even more in love. The dark hardwood floors with the cream colored walls and ebony detailing was the perfect blend of dark and light. Just like her and Damon. The stone fireplace in the main living room that would fit her entire house was just the icing on the cake. There was also a lounge complete with a wet bar and glass shelving behind it. Elena guessed that would be Damon’s favorite room. Especially with the dark theme throughout. The dining room would easily seat fifty people and was done in darker colors than the living room as well with plenty of dark reds thrown in and the kitchen, which neither of them really cared about, was double sided with an indoor section and an outdoor section, both full kitchens. The realtor steered them upstairs, promising to look at the outside later. 

Their next stop was the master bedroom, which was done in medium tones with some darker and some lighter thrown in and was also huge. Easily as big as Damon’s room at the boarding house. Seeing the huge bathtub was the cincher. Damon loved his long baths and she knew that she would come to love sharing them with him. Then she saw the balcony, stepping through the elegant French doors and looking out over the ocean. The railings, like the rest of the outside of the house was done in in a Greco-Roman design. Elena had already decided, but still allowed the realtor to lead them through the rest of the house anyway. 

Damon was enjoying the look on Elena’s face as they toured the house. This had been his favorite too and he’d suspected it would be hers and he was glad to see that he was right. He had to admit that it was even more stunning than the pictures showed though. They continued through the other four bedrooms, all with attached bathrooms before heading up to the third floor which contained six more smaller rooms, clearly designed to be offices or hobby rooms, but could be used as bedrooms too. There were two bathrooms each on the first and third floors with five on the second floor, each attached to a bedroom. 

Finally it was time to see the outside and even Damon was eager to see if it was as great as the pictures too. Once they stepped out of the double doors off the kitchen, Damon had to catch Elena and help her to the bench to sit down and he couldn’t help but chuckle at her. There was a huge swimming pool with a raised platform in the center that pulled the water up and sent it cascading back down. Plus there was a waterfall coming out of back of the stone wall surrounding the area with stair steps that fed into the pool. There was an attached hot tub on one side and the other side contained a barbeque pit and plenty of open space for anything else they wanted to put there. There was a double bathroom with an outdoor showerhead by the back door that led directly to the beach. 

Once Elena caught her breath again, she looked straight at Damon. “Are you sure we can afford this?” 

“Absolutely, ‘Lena. I’m loaded, remember,” he chuckled, not that he intended to actually pay for it, but he couldn’t say that in front of the realtor. 

“Then this is the one I want,” she said firmly. “No question.” 

“Then this is the one you shall have, my love,” Damon grinned and turned to the realtor, confirming what he had already asked on the phone. “And just to confirm, this place is available immediately, yes? As in we could move in today?” 

“If you’re paying the cash total up front, then yes. It’s just a simple sign over of the deed. Otherwise there is a lot more paperwork involved that will take time,” the realtor told them. 

“Excellent,” Damon smirked as he looked deep into her eyes. “You have already been paid the full amount and will now sign over the property to us.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Salvatore, let’s head back to the office and we’ll get everything taken care of,” she told him with a grin of her own. The commission off this one would make her year. 

Elena just rolled her eyes and laughed. No wonder he wasn’t worried about the cost. He wasn’t paying it anyway. Sometimes being a vampire was awesome. The paperwork was relatively quick and then they were on the way to the furniture store. They decided to just worry about the living room and master bedroom that afternoon so they wouldn’t have to go back to the hotel, and then worry about the rest of the house another day.

They bought a king bedroom set to use temporarily while one to Damon’s preferred specifications was being custom made at which point the king set would go into one of the other bedrooms for guests. Or Stefan. Elena knew that Damon was still holding out hope that his brother would come around, but she wasn’t so sure. Thanks to Damon’s compulsions, the furniture was delivered as soon as they got home and they went to christen the new bed. It was during the afterglow when Elena said, “So now that we’re home and settled, is it time to turn me?”


	28. Chapter 28

“Why don’t you video call your aunt tomorrow morning and then we can do it after,” Damon suggested. “I’m not sure if you remember how jittery and unsettling things are the first few days after transition and you don’t want to end up talking to her like that. She’ll think I got you hooked on drugs or something,” he chuckled. 

“How did you know I wanted to call her?” Elena asked surprised. She had barely even decided on it herself. 

“I don’t have to live in your head to know you, Elena,” he gave her a lop-sided smile. “It was obvious as soon as she asked that you wanted to.” She grinned and pulled him in for a kiss, which then turned to round two before they fell asleep for their first night in their new home. 

The next morning, after they went out for breakfast, they came home and Elena brought her computer down to the living room and opened up Skype to call Jenna. “Elena!” Jenna said happily as she answered. “I’m so glad you called.”

“Yeah. Damon convinced me that it wasn’t as risky as I thought it was,” she chuckled, taking every opportunity to talk Damon up. “We just got moved into our new home last night,” she told her. 

“That’s great. What’s it like?” Jenna asked. 

“It’s amazing,” Elena told her. “There aren’t even words. We only have furniture in the living room here and the master bedroom at the moment, but once we have the rest of the house furnished, I can do a video tour for you.” 

“I would love that,” Jenna said with a grin, choosing to ignore the part about them sharing the master bedroom. “Where is Damon?” 

“Oh, he’s outside fiddling with the pool pump or something. Trying to figure out how to make the cascade more powerful or whatever. I think it’s fine the way it is, but that’s Damon for you,” she laughed. 

“No, honey. That’s all men. Not just Damon,” Jenna laughed with her. “So you have a pool?” 

“Yep. With a waterfall and a cascading fountain thingy and a hot tub,” Elena chuckled. 

“Wow. So Damon really wasn’t kidding when he said he had money,” she realized. 

“Maybe this summer after my birthday, you and Jeremy can come visit for a while? If he’s speaking to me again by then,” she finished sadly. 

“Oh sweetie, he will be. He wants to talk to you now actually. He feels so guilty. Thinks your fight is why you left. He’s been blaming himself.”

Elena smiled at that. “Well tell him to stop being a dork and it’s not his fault. Next time I call I’ll make it later so he’ll be home.” 

“I’ll tell him,” Jenna promised. “Do you know when you’ll call again? So we can make sure he’s home?” 

“How about Thursday around eightish?” Elena suggested. It was Sunday now so that would give her four days to get over the worst of the transition effects. 

“That sounds perfect,” Jenna told her. “And to answer your question, I’ll say probably on the visit.”

“Great,” Elena said happily before noticing Damon come in. “Damon! You’re dripping water all over the floor!” 

“Well I wasn’t planning on actually falling in the pool so I didn’t take a towel,” he grumbled. 

“Just…stay there…I’ll go get you one,” she turned back to the computer and a laughing Jenna. “I’ll be right back Aunt Jenna. Here, talk to Damon.” She turned the computer to face him and Jenna just laughed harder at him fully clothed and dripping wet as Elena darted from the room. 

“You look like a drowned rat,” Jenna teased him. 

“I feel like one too,” he said disgruntled as Elena came back with a towel and handed it to him. 

“I’m glad you thought to pack some towels because I didn’t,” she said as she turned the computer back to her. 

“I only brought a few. We’ll put some on the shopping list,” he told her as he worked to dry himself off, and now that the computer was facing away from him, strip out of his wet clothes. Somehow, he thought that Jenna might not appreciate him doing that in front of her. Or she would appreciate it too much. Either way he would probably be in trouble with Elena for it. 

“Seems like you two have a lot to do,” Jenna said knowingly, remembering how hard it was moving into a new place, especially when you needed to buy most everything new.

“Yeah. It’s gonna be a busy week,” Elena told her. At least once she was a vampire they would be able to work faster.

“Well I’ll let you get to it. Thanks for checking in and we’ll talk to you Thursday,” Jenna told her. 

“Thanks Aunt Jenna. Talk to you then,” she said as she ended the call before turning to Damon as he was putting on some dry clothes. “You ready for this?” 

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” he chuckled. 

“I’ve been ready,” she told him. 

“Okay. Let’s do this upstairs in bed. You’ll be more comfortable when you wake up,” Damon told her. Once they were upstairs, Damon sat down on the bed and she settled between his legs, leaning back against him. He bit his wrist open and held it in front of her and she pulled it to her mouth and took a long pull of his blood. The second she was done, Damon snapped her neck, not wanting to draw it out for either of them, and then he just waited for her to wake up. 

It was a little over and hour later when she gasped for breath, and his arms tightened comfortingly around her. “Shh. It’s okay. You’re okay,” he soothed.

She took a deep breath for calm. “Yeah, I missed that part before. It’s a little freaky.”

“Yeah. It really is. I thought about warning you, but I figured less apprehension would be better.”

“It’s fine,” she told him. “Now. Where are we gonna get me some blood?” 

“Well it’s up to you. Do you want to finish the transition here at home with the bagged stuff or do you want to go hunting instead?” 

“Hunting. I don’t really like the bagged stuff. Just…make sure I don’t kill anyone?” 

“I will. I promise.”

“Okay. Let’s go then,” she grinned all but dragging him out the door. She had missed being a vampire. Yeah, parts of it sucked, but mostly it was awesome. As long as you weren’t alone and tortured at least. 

One thing Damon could admit that LA had going for it was the variety of styles. Despite the warm for February weather, there were plenty of people in scarves already so it was just a matter of compelling one of them to a private spot. Once they were in a deserted alley, Damon used his fangs to puncture the man’s neck since Elena didn’t have fangs yet, and then motioned her forward. 

Elena licked her lips hungrily as she moved in and sucked on the man’s bleeding wounds…pausing for a moment as her fangs grew in and then sank her own fangs into his neck. Damon had to pull her off a minute later when she didn’t want to stop, but she calmed pretty quickly. “Would you like to do the compelling or should I?” 

“I might as well get the practice in,” she told him before compelling the man to continue wearing his scarf and forget anything happened. “I’m still hungry.” 

“I know. I’ll grab you another one if you want to wait here,” Damon offered and she nodded. They went through three more before she was sated. Since they were out, they decided to do some more shopping, starting with furniture that could be delivered the next day. They outfitted two more of the bedrooms, the lounge, and an office. They decided that the lounge would double as the library since it was the biggest unused room. They didn’t bother with the dining room or the kitchen and wouldn’t until they had guests, though a coffee maker was definitely on the list. 

Their next stop was the department store for home furnishings, wall décor, and knick knacks. They decided to save the bookstore for when they had a full day to browse instead of a few hours so they took some time to get Elena some more blood, and Damon did his daily hunting this time too, before they headed home. Thanks to vampire speed, everything was unpacked and put away in no time so they took the time for a nice long bath.


	29. Chapter 29

The furniture was delivered early the next morning and everything was set up by ten am, so they headed out to the bookstore for the day. They had an entire library to fill after all. Once they got there they decided to split up. Damon headed for the medieval literature section first while Elena went for the reference section and picked a table to stack their books on as they chose them. From there they moved through the entire store and ended up with a little over five hundred books. Damon compelled the shop owner to pack them up and deliver them to their house since there were too many to fit in the car. The rest of the evening was spent organizing the library. There were still a lot of books they both wanted that couldn’t be found in generic bookstores, but they had the basics now and would start hunting down specialty bookstores the next day, including a legitimate occult bookstore. 

By the time Thursday afternoon rolled around, they had found and raided two specialty bookstores and one occult bookstore and their library was starting to fill out. At least enough not to be embarrassing when it was seen during the house tour she was about to give Jeremy and Jenna. She started in the living room again though so they could talk first. “Elena!” Jeremy was the one to answer. “I’m sorry I was freezing you out.”

“It’s okay, Jer. I get it. You were pissed,” Elena assured him. 

“Yeah. I was. I still am really, but with everything else…it seems kinda stupid to hold a grudge and all,” he admitted. “I didn’t mean to drive you away.”

“You didn’t, Jer,” Elena shook her head. “There were a lot of things that drove me away like…” she paused. “Is Aunt Jenna there?” 

“She’s upstairs. Giving us some time to talk,” Jeremy told her. 

“Okay, so I can tell you the main reason I left then. Since we have no more secrets and all,” Elena told him, getting a nod from Jeremy who reached out to turn the volume down just in case. “Bonnie cast this spell that ended up going wrong and I spent a hundred and forty five years living in Damon’s head so I’m practically a century and a half old. I’ve been to college, travelled all over, learned so much…being home again after that was tough. And being back in high school was so mind-numbingly boring and I just had to get away.” 

“Yeah. That makes sense,” Jeremy tried to put himself in his sister’s shoes. 

“It doesn’t mean that I love you guys any less. You know that right? I missed you so much,” she told him. 

“I know, Elena. It’s cool,” Jeremy assured her. “So…being a vampire…what was it like?” 

“Why?” Elena asked suspiciously. 

“Well…I just…I was kinda thinking about it, you know?” 

“It’s not something to decide lightly, Jer. While there are amazing parts, there are also bad parts too. Especially if you’re alone. Look, I’m not really comfortable having this conversation with Jenna right upstairs waiting to join in, but we’ll talk more about it when we can talk freely in a few months okay? Just promise me you won’t do anything before then?” 

“Okay. I promise.” 

“Good. So…we’re okay now?” Elena asked hopefully. 

“We’re getting there,” Jeremy said with a smile. 

“That’s good enough,” Elena smiled back as Jeremy called to Jenna. 

Immediately after he yelled Jenna stepped into the room looking shell-shocked. “Uh-oh,” Jeremy said nervously.

“What’s wrong?” Elena asked worriedly, seeing him look at something off screen. 

“I don’t think Aunt Jenna was upstairs,” Jeremy said hesitantly as Jenna came into view. 

“I’m gonna need some explanations,” she said with forced calm. 

“Oh god,” Elena started to hyperventilate. Compulsions didn’t work over electronics and the only vampire nearby was Stefan who wasn’t likely to help. “Oh god…” Elena breathed out again, feeling her chest constrict. “Damon!” she called. 

Damon blurred to her side, “What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked worriedly looking around for threats but not seeing any. He could see Jeremy and Jenna on the screen. 

“I’m sorry…messed up…four days as a vampire…and I’m already…messing up…I’m sorry…” she gasped for air. 

Damon put his hands on the side of her face, more worried about her right now than the people listening in. “Hey, hey, shh, it’s okay. Just breathe with me, baby. Come on. In…and out.”

“I’m sorry,” Elena said again, tears falling from her eyes. 

“Shh. It’s okay. Whatever it is we’ll handle it, okay? For now just breathe. In…and out…that’s it. In…and out.” 

It took a few minutes but she made it out of the panic attack. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I’ll be so glad when this whole emotional instability phase passes.” 

“Umm…Elena,” Damon jerked his head towards the screen. 

“Yeah like we didn’t already see you moving like a blur when she yelled,” Jeremy snorted. 

“What the hell is going on?!” Jenna said. She had been more than patient while Elena was hyperventilating, but she wanted answers. Now.

“Elena?” Damon asked. 

“I was talking to Jeremy about what really happened and Aunt Jenna was supposed to be upstairs, but she wasn’t so…”

“And compulsion doesn’t work over the computer,” Damon pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. 

“I’m sorry,” she said again. 

“It’s fine, ‘Lena. Wasn’t it you that said everyone makes mistakes?” 

“I swear to god if someone doesn’t start explaining…” Jenna snapped. 

Elena looked at Damon. “Stay?” she asked hopefully. Damon nodded and wrapped his arm around her as she looked at Jenna. “Okay, so here’s the thing. Vampires are real. Witches too.”

“You’re not serious…” Jenna said in disbelief. 

Damon flashed his other face and fangs briefly and Jenna gasped. “Yes. I’m very serious. But see, witches and vampires are natural enemies for the most part. Damon and Stefan are vampires and Bonnie is a witch. She hated that I was hanging around with vampires and decided to cast a spell to make me see how evil they are, but since she’s new to her powers and is trying to learn on her own since her grams died, the spell went wrong.”

“That doesn’t sound very safe,” Jenna said hesitantly. 

“It’s really not,” Damon jumped in. “For a witch casting a spell they don’t understand is like jumping off a cliff with a holey parachute and just hoping there’s enough left to catch you.”

“But, I trusted her,” Elena shrugged. “I didn’t know at the time she didn’t understand the spell. Hell, I didn’t even know the dangers of casting unknown spells then, but I probably could have guessed.”

“Anyway…you said the spell went wrong?” Jenna asked. 

“Yeah. I don’t know enough about magic to say exactly how, but what ended up happening was that I got stuck in Damon’s mind and body from the moment he became a vampire back in eighteen sixty four,” she explained. 

“Eighteen sixty four…” Jenna repeated in a daze. 

“Yeah. I’m old. I know,” Damon joked, trying to snap her out of it and it kinda worked since she huffed a laugh. 

“I already thought you were too old for her before,” Jenna pointed out amusedly. 

“Well now I’m almost as old,” Elena told her. “Because I lived a hundred and forty five years in his head, not that he knew at the time. I couldn’t communicate at all. I didn’t get back to my own body until time caught back up with itself.”

“That’s why your personality seemed to change overnight,” Jenna realized. “Because it really did.”

“Yeah,” Elena nodded. “I mean, I’m still me. But spending so much time with someone, they tend to rub off on you a bit.” 

“No, that makes sense,” Jenna nodded. “I mean, I’ve seen it happen in far less time with far less closeness. So you were in his head, but he didn’t know you were there…”

“Yeah. Once I got back, I needed a little time to get used to being me again before I talked to him about it though and during that time I realized that I couldn’t just go back to my old life like nothing happened. Caroline was so immature, Bonnie hated me once she realized that I still liked vampires, I felt so out of place everywhere. Like I’d aged but everything else had just frozen in time, and school…”

“What about school? You said something about going to college?” Jenna asked. 

“Yeah. All the way through to PhD. Medieval Literature. I speak six languages fluently now and two more halfway. Even without formal education, Damon’s a closet bibliophile, so I know more than probably any human alive about a number of subjects. High school was mind-numbing.” 

“Only one PhD in a hundred and fifty years?” Jenna managed to tease Damon. 

Damon barked a laugh. “Well after that one I realized that it was kinda pointless. The school part, not the learning part. I’ll probably continue to learn every day of my life.”

“Why was it pointless?” Jeremy asked curiously. 

“Because it takes a good ten years to get a PhD on average. Given how young we look and the fact that we don’t age, we don’t get more than a few years to actually /use/ it before no one believes that it’s real anymore. Take now for example. I got my PhD in nineteen fifty. Do you think anyone would believe that I was even born then?” 

“Yeah, no,” Jenna shook her head. “Definitely not. I see your point.” She turned back to Elena. “So when you said that you had a tutor with a PhD who was a college professor…”

“I meant myself…or myself and Damon…well…we’ll just call the merged version Delena,” she shrugged. “That’ll be easier.”

Damon shook his head amusedly at that, but refrained from commenting as Jenna replied. “Okay, but you still need a high school diploma at least to get anywhere in the world.”

“Not really as a vampire,” Elena told her. “But I still plan to get one anyway. I can just compel a nearby school to give me one along with a transcript and I’m still gonna take the SATs.”

“Hold on a sec,” Jenna held up her hand. “You’re gonna be a vampire?” She had missed that part of Elena’s freakout due to her own freakout.


	30. Chapter 30

“I already am. Damon turned me last Sunday,” Elena told her. 

“So when we talked before, you were already…”

“No. It was after. That was why he told me to call you then. Because the first few days as a vampire are tough. It would have looked to you like I was a junkie going through withdrawal.”

“But…you’re okay now?” the concerned guardian part of her took over. 

“I’m level now. It’ll be a few months before I completely settle into normal,” Elena explained. “I’m still a little emotionally unstable as you saw. I’m also much more hungry than I will be later.” 

“Hungry for…blood,” Jenna tried to wrap her head around it. 

“Yeah. But I don’t kill people,” she said quickly. “Damon and I do what he calls snatch, eat, erase. We feed a little then erase their memories of it and they go on their way.” 

“Erase their memories?” Jenna asked. 

“Yeah. Like she made Damon do to me after Vicki died,” Jeremy grumbled. 

“Do what?” Jenna asked looking between them. “That’s what the fight was about?” 

“Yeah, Vicki got turned into a vampire, but she was just as unstable as a vampire as she was as a human and attacked at the Halloween carnival. Almost killed both me and Jeremy before Stefan had to kill her. Jeremy was falling apart over it and so soon after Mom and Dad…I just couldn’t let him suffer, so I asked Damon to take his memory of the incident.”

“So vampires can erase people’s memories?” 

“We can do more than that. We can erase them, change them, plant suggestions, mess with dreams, and probably other things I’m not thinking of off the top of my head,” Damon shrugged. “But only with humans. Not with other vampires and not with witches. Though we can to a lesser degree with animals.”

“Yeah, like your crow that you used to like to scare me half to death with,” Elena smacked him playfully. 

“Hey, they make good spies,” Damon chuckled. 

“What else can vampires do?” Jenna asked curiously. 

“Super strength, super speed, which translates to jumping so high it feels like you’re flying. The reflexes are far beyond human level too,” Elena explained. “Otherwise moving too fast would be a nightmare. Our emotions and senses are all enhanced, hence the instability for the first while.” 

“You mentioned downsides?” Jeremy asked. “Since we’re talking about all this now anyway.”

“Yeah. The enhanced emotions also works for the bad ones and vampires have trouble getting close to humans and don’t tend to play well with each other either unless they’re in love or family, and sometimes not even family can stand each other, so loneliness is a very real thing and can be crippling. Those bad emotions, as intense as they are, can make you lose control and that’s generally when people get hurt and killed.” 

“But it works for the good emotions too and as long as you’re not alone, someone else can help keep you in check,” Jenna figured out. 

“Exactly,” Elena nodded. 

“I heard vampires can turn off their emotions,” Jeremy piped up. 

“/That/ is a very dangerous road. Then we’re not talking a few dead people here and there in accidents. We’re talking decades long mass murder sprees because once it’s off nothing matters anymore and people are nothing but toys to use for amusement purposes and easy meals, and you don’t ever want to turn it back on because it’s easier without it. You /never/ want to turn off your humanity.”

“But you did…” Jenna guessed, since Elena was talking so clearly about it. 

“After a horrifically traumatic event, that I won’t go into details about, yes. It was the only way to survive. And getting it back was as much of a nightmare as what happened when it was off because all those old feelings still rushed back all at once, compounded by the crushing guilt of everything that was done during that time and made it almost unbearable,” Elena explained, knowing that Damon didn’t want to talk about it, but wanting to make sure that Jeremy got the warning in case he ever did decide to turn. 

“What other downsides are there?” Jenna asked. 

“The constant hunger,” Damon told her. “It gets better after you feed, but it’s always there gnawing at you.” 

“You also can’t really get too close to humanity in a lot of ways,” Elena continued. “Like if you get a job, make friends, join clubs, stuff like that…eventually people notice that you’re not aging and then you have to leave it all behind. That’s why it’s easier to live on the fringes.”

“But you still enjoy your life that way?” Jenna asked wondering why Elena would want it so badly. 

“Yeah. I do. I mean, we can still have fun. Hit parties, clubs, stuff like that. We can read to our heart’s content. Shop, dance, have hobbies, whatever. I’ll even be able to be a writer and just change my pen name every few decades. We just can’t do anything that involves lasting connections with humans.” 

“But you can make lasting connections with each other though. With other vampires. Or even humans that know the secret,” Jeremy pointed out. 

“Most humans that know the secret want to kill all vampires,” Damon huffed a laugh.

“I don’t,” Jeremy said with a shrug. “Elena didn’t. Jenna doesn’t…do you?” 

“No. I don’t,” Jenna said. 

“That’s three examples. But then you have groups like the Founder’s council, the Augustine secret society, Vampire hunters, and more that consider wiping us all off the face of the earth as their main purpose in life.”

“The founder’s council?” Jenna asked worriedly. 

“Yeah. They know all about vampires. That’s why I joined. To be on the inside and keep them off mine and Stefan’s trail,” Damon told her. “Needless to say, telling humans is not a good idea generally speaking and when they do find out, it’s best to be quick to erase their memory.” 

“But you can’t do that through the computer,” Jenna realized how lucky she was to be able to know all this. 

“Exactly,” Elena said. “Which is why I had a little freakout. Sorry about that.”

“That’s okay,” Jenna laughed. “I had a little freakout too so we’re even.” 

“I wanna be a vampire too,” Jeremy said. 

“Like I said, Jer. It’s not something to decide lightly. I mean, you don’t even know your relationship is gonna last…” 

“Relationship?” Jenna asked, raising an eyebrow at Jeremy before shaking her head. “No, you know what. We’ll deal with that later.”

“Yeah. I know. And I get what you said about the loneliness thing, but…if nothing else, I’ll at least have my sister…and my brother in law,” he added the last part to Damon to try and freak him out. 

It didn’t work though. Damon liked the idea too much, but didn’t say anything about that. “Look, the only reason I let your sister go through with it so quickly is because she had already experienced it for almost a century and a half. She knew exactly what she was getting into and was positive of what she wanted. Take some time to think about it. There’s no rush. Whatever age you’re turned, you will be forever.” 

“Thank you, Damon,” Jenna said gratefully. “Now, I think we need to move on from this conversation. How about the video tour of your new house now?” 

Elena laughed and nodded. “Sure thing,” she said as she turned the computer around slowly. “This is the living room…” she continued through the whole house, leaving off the still empty top floor rooms but told them how many there were before she headed out to the pool area. “And this is where Damon had to catch me when I almost fainted,” she told them. 

“Oh wow. I don’t blame you. That’s amazing. The whole house is amazing,” Jenna said in awe.

“Can I move in with you?” Jeremy asked hopefully. 

“No,” Jenna said seriously. “Not until you’re older anyway.” Jeremy huffed, but knew that, unlike Elena who was only a few months away from eighteen or a hundred and sixty something depending on how you counted it, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. Once she saw that he wasn’t going to argue, Jenna told Elena, “I know that you’ve been skeptical about believing that I won’t bring you back here, but I hope you know that, now that I know all this, there is no way that I’ll try to force you to do anything.” 

Elena bit her lip thoughtfully and turned to Damon who shrugged. “It’s up to you, baby. Compel and disappear is always an option if it comes to it.” 

“Okay,” Elena breathed out. “We’re in LA.” 

“Wow. Can’t get much farther from Virginia than that,” Jenna chuckled. 

“Why LA?” Jeremy asked curiously. 

“Because we’ve already spent time in most of the other big cities. Chicago, New Orleans, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, but we haven’t hit the west coast at all, so it seemed like a nice change,” Elena told them. 

“I have to admit…it’s not as bad as I thought it would be so far,” Damon added.


	31. Chapter 31

Now that they were all moved in and settled, Elena brought up another subject with Damon. “So we should think of some things to do.”

“What kind of things?” Damon asked. 

“Things that we always missed out on before with everything else happening. Things that we can have fun with.”

“Like what?” Damon asked, getting a little nervous about all the lead up. If she was going to this much trouble he was probably gonna hate it. 

“I could teach you to rollerblade,” she suggested. 

“No. Uh-uh,” Damon shook his head. “I am a hundred and seventy year old vampire. Not a preteen girl.” 

“So you’re going to let stereotypical impressions prevent you from having fun? That doesn’t sound much like the Damon I know,” she taunted. 

“I have every intention of having fun. I just find it hard to believe that strapping wheels to your feet /is/ fun,” Damon pointed out. 

“Okay, let’s make a deal then. You let me teach you and then if, once you get the hang of it, you don’t find it fun, you don’t have to do it anymore,” Elena challenged. 

Damon narrowed his eyes thoughtfully at her, but he knew he was doomed from the moment the conversation started. It wasn’t like he could ever say no to her. “Fine. But I’m holding you to your promise.” 

“Damon, I would never make you do something you didn’t like. I just want you to give it a chance is all,” she told him. 

“Okay. But we’re learning here. I’m not making a fool of myself publicly,” he agreed. 

“That’s fair. But once you have it down, we have to make at least one full trip before you can decide you don’t like it.” 

“Agreed.” 

That led them to the store to buy rollerblades which led to a hilarious lesson in the still empty dining room. “Okay. So I’ve got them on. Now what?” Damon asked from his spot on the couch. 

“First just take my hands and stand up,” she told him. “Now lock your knees and keep your balance.” Once he was ready she skated backwards pulling him towards the dining room. She showed him how to turn his ankles to push off and glide and then he hit the floor. “Not quite so hard,” she chuckled as she tried to help him back to his feet which just ended up with him pulling her down on top of him. 

“You know…I’m starting to see the appeal,” he joked as he lifted his head for a kiss.

Elena laughed and showed him how to get up. First to his knees then one foot with the brake back and then the other foot. It took a few more tries but then they were both on their feet again. A few hours later, Damon had mastered the basic glide and they called it quits for the day before heading out hunting. 

A few days later, Elena was on a Skype call with Jenna and Jeremy when they heard a crash. “What was that?” Jenna asked worriedly. 

“I’m teaching Damon to rollerblade,” Elena laughed. “He’s having trouble grasping the concept of vampire speed with wheels on his feet.” 

Jenna and Jeremy both burst into laughter as there was another crash followed by a yell of, “Damnit Elena! If I break my arm one more time I’m shoving these contraptions up your ass!” 

This time Elena and Jeremy were the only ones to laugh as Elena called back, “Maybe you should try regular speed before you start using your vampire speed?” 

“He broke his arm?” Jenna asked worriedly, not sure why Elena and Jeremy found it so funny. 

“Yeah, but it’s okay. He’s already healed. Another perk of vampirism. Most things heal almost immediately as long as you have a healthy diet of blood in your system,” Elena told her as there was another crash.

“Oh…well that’s good. You said most things. What doesn’t?” 

“If we get stabbed with anything wood…even a splinter…it won’t heal until the wood is removed and then, depending on how bad it is, it heals slower,” Elena told her. “Also there’s vervain. It’s like poison to us. If we’re injected with it, we’re knocked out until it passes out of our system and it burns our skin pretty bad on contact, but that heals up as soon as it’s gone.”

What Elena didn’t realize was that Jenna and Jeremy spent a lot of time discussing the vampire issue since Jenna found out about it and had decided that if they did it, then they both were. Jeremy and Elena were the last family that Jenna had left and if they were both vampires, then she would join them. Especially since she and Ric broke up when Isobel came to town. She could forgive him for lying about the vampire thing since it was such a big secret, but not telling her when he found out that his dead wife wasn’t so dead was a different story. He had told her from the start that her body was never found it wouldn’t have been hard to tell her that it was a mistake and she was actually alive. 

By the time summer rolled around, Damon had learned to rollerblade which Damon found tolerable and did occasionally after that, usually around the boardwalk and always with Elena. He didn’t like it enough to do it alone. They had also both learned to surf which Damon enjoyed more than Elena and worked the opposite of the rollerblading. They both learned to play the piano, but that was still a work in progress. Damon had also taught Elena more of the intricacies of dancing since picking that up from his mind was a little different. Leading and being led were very different things. They still hit parties and clubs at least a few times a week and spent plenty of time reading though. Elena had even started what she hoped would be her first novel. 

Jenna and Jeremy arrived the first of July and would stay for two weeks. They fell in love even more with the house in person than over video and neither of them ever wanted to leave. Halfway through their visit, the four of them were sitting around talking when Jenna broached the big subject. “Jeremy and I would like to become vampires.”

“What? Both of you?” Elena asked wide-eyed looking between them. 

“Yeah. We’ve thought about it and talked it over, and this is what we want,” Jeremy told her. 

“If you guys don’t mind having us,” Jenna added. 

“Of course, we don’t mind,” Damon assured her. It would be nice having an actual family again. “But are you really sure?” he asked. 

“Yes. We both are,” Jenna told them. 

“What about the house and everything?” Elena asked. If they were going to be moving here, it wasn’t like the boarding house that could stand the test of time. It was just an ordinary house that would fall apart if it wasn’t maintained. 

“Well, since you’re eighteen now, all of that belongs to you. My suggestion would be to sell off the estate to John,” Jenna told her. 

Elena considered it for a minute. “That would work. I mean…we have the boarding house for when we go back to Mystic Falls.”

“We’re going back?” Jeremy asked. 

“We will at some point. It’s home for all of us. We always go back every so often,” Damon told them. “But you’re right. We have the boarding house there.” 

“I do want to keep the lake house though. We don’t have another house on a lake,” Elena told them. But yeah. The main house, the business holdings and all that, we can sell to John. As long as he’s willing to pay a fair price.” 

“I would never suggest otherwise,” Jenna smirked. 

“Is that okay with you, Jeremy? It would be half yours when you turn eighteen anyway,” Elena asked. 

“Yeah. I mean, as long as we’re keeping something of Mom and Dad. I like the lake house too so that works,” Jeremy agreed. 

“Okay. Then it’s settled. Aunt Jenna, will you take care of the negotiations with Uncle John?” 

“Sure. If you want. And when it comes time to sign the papers, I’ll have them sent here so you don’t have to come back and risk the council figuring you out,” Jenna offered. “And once all that is settled, we’ll move out here and make the change.”

“One thing though. We’re not turning you both at the same time. There needs to be at least six months in between,” Damon told them. 

“Why not?” Jeremy asked. 

“Because newbie vamps are tough to handle and I’m not dealing with two at once,” Damon said firmly. “And Elena is just barely out of the newbie stage so she’s not prepared for that kind of hand-holding either.” 

“That’ll work. I would prefer that Jeremy finish high school first anyway,” Jenna agreed. 

“Why? I can just compel a diploma like Elena,” he pointed out. He didn’t want to wait two years. 

“Elena can get away with it because she knows everything that she would learn in high school,” Jenna pointed out. 

“Besides, it’s best to get the worst of the transition out of the way when you don’t have to worry about being in a school building alone with hundreds of edible humans,” Elena pointed out. 

“We can do it at the start of next summer then,” Jeremy argued. “Then I’ll have the whole summer to deal before I have to go back to school.” 

“That sounds like a reasonable compromise,” Damon jumped in before a fight could start. 

“And what if I do really good on my SATs? Can I skip the rest of high school then?” Jeremy asked Jenna hopefully. “I mean it’s not like I can’t go back someday if I want to. Look at Stefan.” 

“If you get fourteen hundred or better,” Jenna agreed. Elena had gotten a fifteen sixty.


	32. Chapter 32

Once Jeremy and Jenna had gone back to Mystic Falls to take care of everything there, Damon realized something. “You know…Once Jenna and Jeremy are here, we’ll have enough people for a band.”

Elena laughed and nodded. She was glad that Damon was getting into the spirit of enjoying more of life. It was amazing how much of a difference not being alone could make. “That sounds like fun. But neither of us play anything but the piano and we’re still not that great at that,” she still had to point out. 

“It’s not like we don’t have forever to learn,” Damon chuckled. “I’ll pick up the guitar.” 

“So will I. Then we can both go back and forth between guitar and keyboards,” Elena agreed. 

“Okay, so that leaves the bass and drums for Jenna and Jeremy,” Damon grinned. They were at the music store the next day getting a full kit for a band and another of the top floor rooms was put into use. 

Elena got the papers to sign for the estate by the end of July and the cash was much more useful to them than the properties that they would probably never use. Sure they didn’t have to pay for much, but their favorite occult shop was run by an actual witch so they had to pay for things there. Plus anything they ordered online, so it did come in handy. Elena made sure that Jeremy and Jenna were both on the account too though. 

When Jenna and Jeremy got back on the first of August, Damon brought up the band idea. “I call guitar!” Jeremy jumped at the chance. 

“No way, little Gilbert. That one’s mine. And Elena’s on keyboards. You two get to choose between bass and drums,” Damon told them. 

“Do I get a choice in this?” Jenna asked amusedly. 

“You get a choice between bass and drums. Does that count?” Elena laughed. 

“I want drums then,” Jeremy decided. 

Jenna sighed heavily, but they could all see that it was just an act. “I guess that leaves the bass for me.”

“Can we be called The Bloodsuckers?” Jeremy asked hopefully. 

Elena and Jenna both looked at him like he was crazy, but Damon burst into laughter. “Sure why not,” he answered before anyone else could say anything. 

They took a couple days to settle in before they got down to the serious business. Turning Jenna. She had finished up her PhD just before they came to visit the first time, so she didn’t have any other responsibilities to deal with and there was no reason to wait. “Do you have any preference as to who turns you?” Elena asked her. 

“I would prefer you,” Jenna told her. “No offense, Damon.”

“It’s fine. You know her better. I get it,” Damon assured her. 

They went up to Jenna’s room for this and Elena bit into her wrist and then offered it to her. Jenna took a drink, scrunching up her nose at the taste and Elena broke her neck before she knew what was happening and then waited for her to wake up. Once she was awake, they headed back downstairs and Damon took her out for her first hunt. Since he was the strongest and most experienced it was decided he would go with her so they didn’t draw too much attention with three of them. 

Just like he had with Elena, Damon compelled a woman to follow them into an alley and made the first bite before waiting for Jenna to take over. Once her fangs sank into the woman’s neck she was gone. She had never tasted anything so amazing and she couldn’t stop. She could hear Damon calling her to stop, but it was barely registering in her mind. When she felt herself being pulled away, she instinctively lashed out. 

Damon went to try to stop her, not at all expecting what happened next when an elbow caught him in the gut and then a foot sent him careening to the end of the alley. By the time he righted himself to get back, it was too late. The woman’s head and body were lying separated on the ground, and Jenna was standing there in horrified shock. “Oh god. What did I do? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she started hyperventilating as she tried to put the head back frantically. 

Damon winced. He’d seen this before. Hopefully she would let him help her unlike his brother. He vowed to never let her kill anyone else. She had gotten the drop on him because he hadn’t been prepared. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. He blurred over to her and pulled her away from the drained body and placed his hands on her cheeks. First step was to calm her down. “Hey, easy, it’s okay. Just breathe Jenna.” 

“It’s not okay. I-I-I…” 

“Shh. I know. Just breathe with me. In…and out. Come on. Just like that. In…and out,” Damon kept his voice even and steady. Once she was breathing normally again, despite still crying, Damon told her, “I’m sorry, Jenna. I wasn’t expecting that reaction and I let my guard down. This is my fault. Not yours.”

“But I’m the one who…why couldn’t I stop? Why did I…”

“Because you’re a ripper,” Damon said sadly. “Look, I’ll explain what I can, but first we need to clean up here and get you home. You should have enough now that you’ll be okay for a few hours while we make a plan, okay?” One full human was the equivalent of three or four with their normal feeding practices. 

“O-okay,” Jenna said still crying, not able to do anything but follow right now. 

Damon took a minute to consider the best way to get rid of the body. Then he realized that the reason this alley was usually deserted was because it was next to a funeral home. He just needed a bit of luck. He led Jenna around the corner and inside where he compelled the director to go get the body and cremate it immediately before he took Jenna home. He took a long sniff before going in, just to make sure that Jeremy didn’t have any open wounds that could set her off, before he led her inside. 

“What happened?” Elena asked worriedly at seeing Jenna’s state and the grave look on Damon’s face. Her question brought Jeremy into the room too and he looked just as concerned. 

“She’s a ripper,” Damon said with a wince. “I wasn’t prepared and lost control of the situation.” 

“Oh no,” Elena said sadly moving to sit on Jenna’s other side and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m so sorry, Aunt Jenna.”

“What’s a ripper?” Jeremy asked. 

“It’s a rare condition in vampires,” Damon explained. “It makes their bloodlust ramp up a few dozen notches and they lose all control at the taste of human blood. Stefan has the same problem.”

“So what do I do?” Jenna asked fearfully. “Is there a way to fix it?” 

“You can still learn control,” Damon said confidently. “It’ll just be a little harder and we’ll have to be more careful. Now that we know, we can prevent any more incidents.” He really hoped he wasn’t making promises that he couldn’t keep, but what else could he do? He had promised not to let them hurt anyone and he may have let them down once, but he wasn’t going to do it again. 

Elena knew that he couldn’t be positive of any of that. That he was just guessing. She couldn’t blame him for it though. None of this was his fault. Either way they were going to do everything they could to help her. To keep her from ending up like Stefan. “Do you have a plan?” Elena asked hopefully. 

“I have a few ideas,” Damon told her. “First of which being that from now on, we both go with her so we can keep control easier.” 

“Yeah. We can do that,” Elena agreed. 

“And desensitizing her to human blood is rather necessary, but that would be better done here for the most part. I can compel a human home and we can use small cuts while we keep her controlled,” Damon suggested. 

“You can use me,” Jeremy offered.

“Jer, no,” Elena shook her head. 

“Just…hear me out,” Jeremy said seriously. “She loves me, which means it will help her control herself better if I’m the one that will end up hurt if she doesn’t. And it’s not like we’re talking about seriously maiming me. Small cuts is nothing and I trust you two to protect us. It’s better than having to bring another human in on the secret, even temporarily.”

“The kid has a point,” Damon said thoughtfully. 

“I don’t want to risk it,” Jenna shook her head. “Killing that woman today was bad enough. If I hurt Jeremy…”

“You won’t,” Jeremy said confidently. “And even if you tried, Damon and Elena wouldn’t let you.” 

Elena bit her lip worriedly. Jeremy did make good points. “How about this…we have another hunting trip this evening, and if Damon and I have the strength to control her easily, we can give it a try. But at the first incident…”

“You realize that I’m much older and stronger than she is, and even you’re stronger since you’re almost six months older,” Damon pointed out. 

“I know, but we can’t be certain how the bloodlust affects a ripper’s strength,” Elena replied.

“I doubt it affects it that much, but you’re right. Better to be on the safe side,” Damon conceded. “So we have a plan then.”

“Just…please don’t let me hurt him,” Jenna said fearfully. “Don’t let me hurt anyone, but especially not him.” 

“We won’t,” Elena promised.


	33. Chapter 33

The rest of the morning and half the afternoon was spent being as relaxed as possible, floating in the pool and soaking in the hot tub. The lower her stress levels the easier this would be. They also went out a few hours before they normally would have, hoping that if they could keep the hunger from getting too bad it would help with control also. They chose a different alley this time, so as not to bring back bad memories and Damon stayed with Jenna while Elena went to fetch a meal. When Elena got back, Damon pulled Jenna’s arms behind her back and locked them in place with his own, bracing himself for her fighting and Elena walked the man right up to her, keeping her hands on his shoulders ready to pull him back when needed. 

Jenna fought like crazy when they were pulled apart, but she was no match for Damon when he was ready for it. The man who had been compelled into compliance stayed where Elena put him as Elena moved in front of Jenna and put her hands on Jenna’s shoulders. “Easy, Aunt Jenna. It’s okay. Relax. Deep breaths. Find your center and get control,” Elena chanted soothingly. It took more than one time through before Jenna’s fangs retracted and she calmed down. 

“He’s okay?” she asked hopefully looking over Elena’s shoulder. 

“He’s just fine, Jenna,” Damon assured her. “Listen. You can hear his heartbeat, still going strong.” 

She breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. “God I hate feeling like that.” 

“I know, Aunt Jenna,” Elena said sadly. “It’ll get better. I promise.” Once Jenna nodded, Elena said, “I’ll go get another one.” The scene repeated itself twice more before Damon told Elena to grab her own dinner so she could stay home with Jenna while he went out to eat. They weren’t going to take the risk of leaving Jenna alone in the house with Jeremy, but Damon couldn’t control her out here while he was eating, so it was a balancing act. If they had known this was going to happen, they would have turned Jeremy first. Hopefully he wouldn’t end up being a ripper too or they might all just go insane. 

The next day, after Jenna’s morning meal since she needed to feed more often as a new vampire, they started the desensitizing process while she was sated. They took the same position as when they were feeding, Damon behind her, locking her into place and Elena in front of her as extra control. Once they were ready, Damon nodded at Jeremy who was behind and to the side of Elena, so that he could easily be seen by Jenna. So she would know who it was she was smelling. Jeremy lifted the knife and pulled it across his arm. 

The moment she smelled the blood Jenna started fighting against them as her fangs elongated and the veins around her eyes popped out. While she didn’t fight nearly as hard, it did take a lot longer to calm her down as long as the blood was flowing. Once she had mostly stopped fighting, though she was still in full vampire mode, Damon nodded at Jeremy again and he grabbed the dish towel to wrap around his arm and stop the bleeding. They would do this every day until she was in full control. 

One Month Later:

Elena compelled the next meal into the alley where Damon and Jenna were waiting. Jenna was down to eating once a day like the rest of them by now so that made things easier. Her emotions were also more in control now that the transition period was over, which also helped. So much so that they weren’t holding her back from the start anymore, though they still had to drag her way when she had taken enough. It was only taking a minute for her to calm down afterwards though, which was a big improvement. 

When they got home, Jeremy got ready for his daily bloodletting. Damon was still behind Jenna, ready to grab her, but wasn’t holding her from the start anymore. Elena was still in front of her, ready to block her if it was needed. As soon as the cut was made, she tensed up and her vampire side came to the forefront, but she held herself still. “That’s great, Aunt Jenna. You’re doing awesome,” Jeremy praised with a smile. They had learned that it was easier when he talked to her. More proof that he was family, not food. 

Two Months Later: 

Damon just had to give Jenna a little tug to her shoulder to make her stop feeding and she didn’t fight at all anymore, but the effort it took was still evident on her face and in her stance. The three of them still went together to be on the safe side, but Damon felt secure enough to grab his own meals in the process while Elena was watching Jenna. When Jeremy cut himself, Jenna still tensed, but her vampire face only flashed briefly before she was able to pull it back now. 

Four Months Later:

Christmas was approaching, which meant meals were much easier to come by and Jenna was doing so much better. It was still hard for her to stop, but she was able to stop herself now without help. They all knew that was probably as good as it was ever going to get, but he and Elena had long made a pact to never hunt alone so they could police each other anyway and had always intended to pull Jenna and Jeremy into that pact after their change anyway. 

Jenna was barely flinching at the smell of blood anymore now too and Jeremy was glad that he could stop cutting himself every day. Especially since the school counselor had noticed and Damon had to go in for a consultation about self-harm. Due to Jenna’s issues, Damon had been put down as the primary contact for Jeremy when he started school. None of them wanted to risk Jenna vamping out in the middle of a school conference, after all. Damon had promised to get Jeremy help, but that was just to shut them up. Damon and Jeremy both knew that it wasn’t what they thought, but they couldn’t exactly say that. 

The first day of Jeremy’s school break, the four of them went all out decorating the entire house for Christmas. Damon in particular was relishing the idea of his first Christmas with an actual family since he was a kid, and Jenna and Jeremy were as much Damon’s family by now as they were Elena’s and the four of them were very close. Jeremy had always liked Damon, but helping her with her ripper issues had forged a deep bond between Jenna and Damon as well and she was completely over all her misgivings about him. 

With their vampire speed the huge house was decorated in no time and Elena insisted that their band spend the rest of the time until Christmas learning Christmas songs. Damon drew the line at the mushy churchy ones, but that still left plenty of options and even the slower ones they managed to turn into more rock ballad than choir stuff. They had learned that Jenna couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, so she didn’t even try to sing. Jeremy was more hit or miss so he only came in to fill out certain parts, but both Damon and Elena were great singers and their voices meshed beautifully together. 

On Christmas morning, there were a few dozen presents under the tree, not that many of them had actually been paid for. Jenna had been hesitant to use compulsion to get free stuff, but she came around somewhat. She wouldn’t do it at smaller individual run places that depended on every penny to get by, but bigger chains where it wouldn’t matter as much, she did. Damon had gone shopping with Jeremy for most things to cover the compulsion for him and Elena had gone with him to get Damon’s gifts. 

One of the few things that were paid for was a mint condition first edition copy of Beowulf in the original Old English that Elena got for Damon. She had found it from a dealer online and paid a pretty penny for it. The highlight of the day though was Damon getting on one knee and asking Elena to be his wife. As vampires a legal marriage wouldn’t work. There was too much red tape and too much documentation necessary that couldn’t be faked, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be married in spirit and in name. Elena nearly tackled him to the floor, kissing him senseless before they slid the wedding rings on each other’s fingers. They would call Billy tomorrow to have him send a new ID for Elena with the name Elena Salvatore. 

Since Jeremy was still human, and this was his last Christmas as a human, Jenna cooked a nice Christmas dinner for them all, and they all partook, despite only one of them actually /needing/ to eat, and three of the wine glasses were filled with blood. The chances of finding enough people out and about on Christmas day to feed without drawing suspicion were slim enough that they didn’t bother and stuck with the bagged stuff for the day which they always kept on hand for emergencies. 

By the time Jeremy finished the school year, Jenna was completely stable, so Damon felt comfortable turning him. He had gotten a fourteen ten on his SAT, working his butt off to get it, so he wouldn’t have to go back to school in the fall which helped. Jeremy asked Damon to be the one to turn him, having come to see Damon as the cool big brother he never had. Jeremy, thankfully, did /not/ end up being a ripper, though his youth did make it a little harder for him to learn control, but nothing that they couldn’t handle and he got it figured out pretty quickly.


	34. Chapter 34

Five Years Later:

Damon and Elena had been out hunting when Damon suddenly stiffened. “What’s wrong?” Elena asked worriedly. 

“A Bennett witch is in trouble,” Damon told her just as worriedly. 

“Oh god…what can we do?” 

“I don’t know. Even if I catch a flight now, it’ll take at least a day to get there and by then…” 

“Come on. I have an idea,” she told him racing back to the car and winding through the streets before they got to the occult shop. “Talia! Are you here?” she called as they walked in the door. 

“Elena? Damon? What’s wrong?” They didn’t usually bust their way in when the store was closed. 

“We need your help,” Elena told her. 

Damon took over from there. “It’s a long story, but a witch a long time ago apparently found a way to tie me to her bloodline so I would know if they were in danger and now someone is, but they’re all the way in Virginia and I could never make it there in time…” 

“Come. Let me see what I can do,” Talia offered, motioning them into the back room. She cast a few spells to try and get a read on the connection before she said, “I can send you to her, but it won’t be comfortable.”

“I’m going too,” Elena said firmly. 

“I’m sorry, but you can’t. I can only send him because of the link that he shares. That’s the only way it will work. Otherwise witches could just zap people anywhere,” she said with a chuckle. 

Damon took Elena’s cheeks in his hands and told her, “It’ll be okay, baby. I’ll be careful and get home as soon as I can, and I’ll call you as soon as things are settled.” 

“You better,” she said worriedly. 

“I promise,” he said seriously, kissing her deeply before turning back to Talia. “Okay. I’m ready.” 

“Stand still,” Talia told him as she put the candles around the room and quickly mixed up some herbs to burn before starting to chant. As Damon disappeared she stumbled backwards, but Elena was there in a flash to catch her and help her to the chair, handing her a rag for her bloody nose. “Thank you,” she told Elena. She usually tried not to expend so much magic, but if a fellow witch was in trouble she could never have forgiven herself if she didn’t. 

“No, thank you,” Elena said with a smile. 

“How did it happen? The binding of him to a line of witches?” Talia asked curiously now that there was time. 

“A witch saved someone he cared about at great risk to herself and he offered her anything in return. She asked him to protect her family and make sure that her line continued and he agreed. That’s pretty much all we know. We have no idea how she actually did it or what spells she used, but there have been a few times over the last century and a half that he’s gotten a call for help. This is the first time that he’s been too far away to get there within a few hours though.” 

Talia nodded. She could tell that the link didn’t force him to help. That all it did was alert him to the issue. It said a lot about him that he always answered the call anyway. He was truly loyal. She had been skeptical about these vampires when they first met, but over the years they had formed a friendship and she could now see why a witch would have helped him in the first place. She did wish she knew how it was done though and decided to try and figure it out. Perhaps one of them would be willing to help her family that way as well. 

Damon appeared in the center of a ritual circle and took in the scene in a fraction of a second. He was standing directly behind a vampire who was holding Bonnie by the throat and her nose was bleeding and she seemed to be having trouble holding onto consciousness. There was a group of five witches nearby gathered around an altar and three more ritual circles surrounding the one he was in, one of which contained his brother who looked curiously weak, another contained a transformed werewolf and the last was…Katherine. It had to be Katherine. Elena was safe at home. He was sure of it. 

By the time he took that all in, the vampire holding Bonnie seemed to sense his presence and started to turn, but Damon didn’t waste any time. Just as every other vampire that threatened a Bennett witch, he didn’t even give him a chance to fight and just plunged his hand into his back and ripped out his heart. The five witches at the altar fell to the ground and all of the ritual circles died out. “Damon?!” Bonnie said in shock as she crumbled to the ground along with the vampire that had been holding her. “What…how…” Stefan struggled to his feet looking at Damon like he had two heads. 

“I would very much like to know that myself,” another man walked up. “It should have been impossible for anyone to enter or leave that circle during the ritual.” 

“Well apparently a magical link to the Bennett line was a loophole,” Damon smirked. “And you are?” 

“Elijah,” he held out his hand. “And you must be the ‘Bennett Guardian Angel’ I’ve heard tell of. Damon Salvatore, yes?” 

Damon looked at him suspiciously but nodded and took his hand. “What just happened here?” Damon asked. 

“You killed my brother,” Elijah said with a cold smile. 

Damon yanked his hand away and stepped back defensively. “Look, I’ve got no issues with anyone here. He went after a Bennett and he died. We can just leave it at that and walk away.” 

“No, you misunderstand me. I am more inclined to thank you for what you did. You see, my brother killed the rest of our family and I was planning to kill him tonight anyway. Once the ritual was completed, he would have been weak enough from the effects for me to do so.” 

“We’ve been trying to kill him for years,” Stefan told them. “And you just come in and do it like it’s nothing…”

Elijah was the one who answered. “He was weakest at the peak of the ritual and his guard was down because he was supposed to be protected by the ritual circle. Anyone could have killed him if they could get inside.” 

“What ritual?” Damon asked still trying to wrap his head around this whole clusterfuck. 

“He was stealing my magic,” Bonnie said hoarsely from the ground and Damon suddenly felt bad for forgetting about her so he reached down to help her up and she took his hand, grateful for the help. 

“Yes. He was attempting to break an old curse on himself to release his werewolf side and steal the Bennett magic so that he would be vampire, werewolf, and witch and would be unstoppable,” Elijah explained. 

“And how did you all get involved?” Damon asked Stefan and Bonnie. “And is that Katherine? With a heartbeat?” The woman in question was unconscious but clearly alive unlike the werewolf who was already dead. 

“He needed to sacrifice a werewolf, a vampire, and a human doppelganger to release the curse,” Stefan explained. “Since it had to be done here where the curse was originally placed, I was the obvious choice for the vampire. Katherine apparently escaped him and got herself turned a few centuries ago, and since the other doppelganger was already turned too…Damon,” Stefan said accusingly. “The last few years have been spent with him playing with us and using us to try and hunt down the cure for vampirism. Once he found it, he fed it to Katherine since he was still pissed at her for escaping him before, and here we are.” 

“Okay…that’s…wow, am I glad I got out of here before the shit hit the fan,” Damon shook his head. “And now that everything seems to be settled, I need to see about getting a flight home. Witchy airlines apparently only works one way.” 

“Damon wait,” Bonnie called before he could walk away. “How’s Elena?” 

“Oh, now you care?” Damon asked with a huff. “All the emails and phone calls go unanswered, but now you want to know? Try calling her back sometime and ask her yourself.” 

“Don’t be like that, Damon. It was an honest question,” Stefan snapped. 

“I assume you remember how vociferously my wife defended me when you hurt me?” Damon asked with a smirk. “Never think I would do any less for her. Only the fact that the witch is weak and I’m honor bound to protect her is keeping her from worse.” 

“Wife?” Bonnie couldn’t help but ask, realizing how much she had missed. 

“Yes. Wife. And she and the rest of our family are likely worried about me by now, and given the nightmare of trying to get a last minute flight…I should be going.”

“Perhaps I can save you the hassle,” Elijah spoke up. “As a thank you for ridding the world of a monster, my private plane can easily make a detour to Los Angeles and drop you off.” 

Damon’s eyes narrowed at the idea that this vampire knew where he lived /and/ had blabbed it to everyone. “How do you know where I live?” 

“I am the oldest vampire alive and the last surviving member, now, of the original family. I like to keep track of as many of our kind as possible. I assure you, I mean you no harm.” 

“I see. Well…As much as I appreciate your offer, I’m sure you understand that I have to be careful who I trust these days.” 

“I do understand,” Elijah nodded. “But I felt honor bound to make the offer. If you need anything, feel free to contact me.” He handed over a business card. “Oh. And I do hope that you enjoy the books. Tell Elena that if she needs any more, she’s welcome to reach out.”

“You’re her contact?” Damon asked incredulously. Every year for his birthday and Christmas she managed to unearth some priceless manuscript from a book dealer. He knew that this Elijah didn’t need to tell him that and recognized it as an olive branch. That didn’t mean that he would trust him, but it did mean that he wasn’t tempted to immediately move away at the thought that someone knew where he was. At least it explained how Elijah knew where they lived. 

“Who else but someone who was there when they were written would have such treasures?” Elijah asked with a chuckle. “Take care, Damon.” He turned to Bonnie and Stefan. “It was a pleasure working with you all. I /am/ glad that we were able to reach a conclusion that saved your lives.” 

“Are they going to be okay?” Bonnie asked gesturing to the other witches that were still laying on the ground. 

“They will. They are suffering from the bond to Klaus being broken. I will send someone for them,” Elijah told her as he bent to pick up Katherine and carry her away. Perhaps now that everything was resolved, they could finally be together. 

“Right, well this day has been a complete mind-fuck,” Damon said with another shake of his head as he turned to leave, already pulling his phone out of his pocket to call Elena, and ignoring the fact that Stefan was following him as he pressed ‘call’. “Hey baby…yes I’m fine…the witch is fine too…it’s a long story that I couldn’t possibly do justice to on the phone. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. How’s Talia?...Good. I’m glad to hear it. Tell her thank you again…I’ll be getting the next flight home. I’ll text you with the details…I love you too.” 

Stefan waited until his brother hung up before he fell into step beside him. “Thank you,” Stefan said seriously. 

“I didn’t come for you,” Damon told him. “But that was only because I didn’t know that you were in trouble. Because you never bothered to reach out.”

“I didn’t think you cared anymore,” Stefan said with a shrug.

“You’re my brother, Stefan. I will always care. I just won’t be your doormat anymore. Or your scapegoat. But I will always be there if you need me,” he said earnestly. “But right now, I really do have a family to get home to, and my band has a gig tomorrow night, so we’re gonna have to reschedule whatever issues you want to lay at my doorstep this time.” Damon sped away, not giving Stefan a chance to respond. Stefan had enough information to find him if he really wanted to, not to mention the same email address he’d had six years ago. If Stefan wanted to make up then he would have to be the one to reach out. Not just talk to him because he happened to show up and save his ass.


	35. Chapter 35

Stefan stood there with his jaw on the ground for a long moment after his brother sped off. Family? As in more than Elena? And a band? In LA? No way, he shook his head. Damon had to be screwing with him. But Elijah had been the one to mention LA so maybe that part was true? Stefan had no idea what to do with any of that. The part about Damon being his doormat and his scapegoat just irritated him though. That was unfair. He couldn’t deny that he owed Damon now though. He was supposed to die in that ritual. And so was Bonnie. 

Speaking of Bonnie, he rushed back to the clearing to check on her. The other witches were gone now and Bonnie was just sitting weakly on the ground. He helped her up and took her home. They had been allies of convenience for the last few years, but Bonnie made it clear that she didn’t trust him. The same as they had both been with Elijah. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts about the same topic. Damon’s appearance and the little bit of information they’d learned. Both of them were starting to realize that they might just have been wrong about Damon…and Elena. But neither of them were quite ready to admit it yet. 

Stefan was the first to break and found himself on the doorstep of a huge house two months later and he took a deep breath before he rang the bell. “Jenna?” he asked in shock as the door opened and she said, “Stefan?” 

“I…um…I was looking for Damon…” Stefan said hesitantly, caught off guard at finding Elena’s aunt here. 

“He’s not here right now. I think he and Elena are down at the boardwalk. Or the beach. I’m not sure. Hang on…Jeremy!” 

Jeremy blurred into the room and neither of them noticed the look of distaste on Stefan’s face. “Sup Jenna?” 

“Do you know if Damon and Elena are at the boardwalk or hitting the waves today?” she asked. 

“I think they said the boardwalk, but they were still arguing about it when they left, so…” he shrugged. 

“Okay. Thanks Jer,” she told him and he blurred back up the stairs. She turned back to Stefan and told him, “Give me a sec and I’ll take you to them.” When he nodded, she blurred up the stairs herself and was back a minute later with a change of clothes and a pair of flip-flops. 

“He turned you?” Stefan asked horrified. “And Jeremy too?” 

“That bothers you?” Jenna asked. She had a pretty good picture of what had happened between Damon and Stefan and while she was fully on Damon’s side, she could somewhat see Stefan’s point too. Either way, she wanted to do what she could to fix it for Damon’s sake. She would never have expected to use her psych degree to council eternal teenage vampires, but this was her life now, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

“Of course it does,” Stefan said distastefully. “Doesn’t it bother you?” 

“No, actually. Jeremy and I wanted this. And technically it was Elena that turned me,” Jenna told him as they got in the car. She intended to take the scenic route so she could have time to get through to him. 

“You couldn’t have known what you were asking for. He should never pass this curse on to anyone,” Stefan said stubbornly. 

“See, that’s your problem Stefan,” Jenna sighed. “You think you know better and you have the right to tell people how to live their lives. Becoming a vampire was /my/ choice and no one has the right to take that choice away from me. And if I do come to regret it someday, then so be it. It was my mistake to make. Not yours and not Damon’s.” 

“So…you haven’t regretted it yet?” Stefan asked confused. 

“Well the first few months were pretty rough. Apparently, I’m a ripper, so it was pretty much hell. But Damon and Elena helped me learn control and since then…no. I haven’t regretted it. I love my life.”

“Wait…/Damon/ got you off human blood?” Stefan asked incredulously. If she was a ripper then he would have had to if she was this together. 

“No,” Jenna shook her head. “He taught me to control the bloodlust instead of letting it control me.” 

“That’s not possible. Not for a ripper,” Stefan shook his head in denial.

“Of course, it’s possible,” Jenna chuckled. “I’m living proof. I mean sure, every now and then someone still has to drag me away, but none of us ever hunt alone anyway, so it’s not a big deal.” 

“So…you feed from living humans without killing them? How?” 

“It was far from easy,” Jenna told him. “It took a lot of hard work and patience. On my part and on Damon and Elena’s. Basically they just held me back until I could control myself and desensitized me to the smell of human blood.” 

“How long did it take?” Stefan asked, trying to wrap his head around it. 

“It’s still a work in progress and probably always will be. I’ll never be as controlled as the others. But if you mean before I could be around blood and not want to attack someone…about four months. Until I could feed mostly safely about seven months.” 

Stefan couldn’t even consider that right now, so he backtracked in the conversation. “I don’t try to control how people live their lives.” 

“Yes, you do. Whether you see it or not. The way you reacted to Jeremy and I being vampires, not even caring that it’s what we wanted, but blaming your brother for doing something the you see as horrible? What do you think that is? Treating your brother like a villain for feeding safely and humanely from people?”

“You really think there’s nothing wrong with feeding from unsuspecting people?” Stefan asked incredulously. He had always had such a high opinion of Jenna before. 

“No. I don’t. Killing them, yes. I do think there’s something wrong with that. But we don’t hurt anyone. We just take a little blood that their bodies replenish soon after because we need it to survive. Everyone and everything needs to eat, Stefan, and as long as no one is being hurt, it’s not your place to judge how we do it,” she told him as she pulled in at the boardwalk. “We’re here. Let’s go find them.” 

They got out of the car and started walking around and Stefan’s jaw dropped when he spotted his brother just before Jenna pointed him out. He was…skating? Chasing Elena and actually laughing? And not like his cold angry laughs from before, but an honest happy laugh. Stefan snorted amusedly as he almost overbalanced when Elena spun away from his outstretched arm with a laugh of her own, but Damon managed to right himself and not fall. At least not until Elena spotted him and braked hard and Damon crashed into her back sending them both tumbling to the asphalt. “Elena!” Damon protested amusedly, still laughing. 

“Stefan,” Elena said as they walked over. 

“What do you…Oh,” Damon caught sight of his brother as they struggled to get up. 

Jenna laughed and reached out a hand to help Elena up and after a moment’s hesitation Stefan did the same for Damon, surprised when his brother took it. “Can we talk?” Stefan asked hopefully. 

“Sure. Let me get these contraptions off my feet and we’ll take a walk,” Damon told him, skating over to a bench to sit down, followed by Elena. “You don’t mind, do you?” he asked her. 

“Not at all. Jenna and I will go check out the shops and booths. You guys can meet us there when you’re done,” Elena told him as she took her own skates off and put her sandals back on. 

When Damon and Stefan walked off towards the beach, Jenna told Elena, “I tried to get through to him about being judgmental on the drive over, but I’m not sure how much good I did.”

“Let me guess…blaming Damon for you and Jeremy being vampires now?” Elena asked with a huff. 

“You got it,” Jenna chuckled. “But he did come all the way here. Remember that.” 

“The question is why? I mean, if he wanted to make amends, he would have contacted Damon a long time ago. At least after his trip to Mystic Falls a few months ago,” Elena pointed out. 

“Maybe he’s just been trying to get up the nerve. Or figure things out in his head first. There are a lot of reasons that people don’t act on things right away.”

“Maybe,” Elena said skeptically. 

“Damon needs his brother, Elena,” Jenna said sadly. “Having you has been a godsend for him. And Jeremy and I hold a place in his heart too, but he’s still missing one crucial piece. If Stefan is here to make peace…”

“Then I won’t let my attitude stand in the way,” Elena nodded. “I know, Jenna. But if he’s here to hurt Damon or just because he wants something…”

“Then I’ll help you kick his ass out of town,” Jenna promised. Damon was as much her brother as he ever was Stefan’s. Maybe more so since she had actually been there for him.


	36. Chapter 36

“You look…happy, brother,” Stefan said as they walked along the beach. 

“I am happy,” Damon told him. 

“I never expected to see you skating,” Stefan chuckled, trying to make conversation. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of things the last few years that I never expected to be doing,” Damon snorted amusedly. 

“Like…being in a band?” Stefan asked curiously. 

“Yep. It’s a family affair. I’m the guitarist and front man, Elena on the keyboard, Jenna plays bass and Jeremy’s the drummer.”

“What’s the name of the band? I’m guessing you have one if you’re playing gigs?” 

“We only play every once in a while. Different little dive bars. Don’t want to draw too much attention, you know? And we’re called The Bloodsuckers.”

“Seriously?” Stefan wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cringe. 

“Yeah, well…that’s what I get for letting the little Gilbert choose the name. I kinda felt bad for stealing the guitar spot from him.” 

Stefan huffed a laugh and shook his head. “What else do you do now? Jenna said something about ‘hitting the waves’?”

“Yeah, I’ve actually come to like surfing…don’t judge. It’s California. Everyone surfs,” Damon chuckled. 

“Not judging,” Stefan held up his hands in surrender, but still unable to stop his laugh. 

“Jet-skiing is also fun. Kinda like riding a motorcycle, but on water with my bikini-clad wife clinging to me,” Damon smirked. 

“So you and Elena are married?” Stefan asked. 

“For almost five years now,” Damon told him, not specifying that he meant vampire married. Presumably Stefan would know that. 

“It sounds like you’ve built a nice life for yourself,” Stefan said with a smile. 

“I have. But I didn’t do it alone. I /couldn’t have/ done it alone. None of this would mean anything without people to share it with.”

“I’m sorry I left you alone for so long, brother,” Stefan sighed sadly, getting the hint. 

“Apology accepted,” Damon gave him a lop-sided smile. That was all he wanted to hear. 

“This new life of yours…does it have room for your brother in it?” he asked hopefully. He had thought long and hard about what Damon said about getting out of Mystic Falls and realized that he was right. He probably would have left a long time ago too if it hadn’t been for the arrival of Katherine and then Klaus and then everything falling apart. There was nothing left for him there.

“Your room has been waiting for you for years, little brother,” Damon grinned. 

Stefan was more than a little touched at that. To think that, after everything, Damon had still been waiting for him. He had put most of what Elena said out of his mind at the time, but ever since Damon’s visit a couple months ago and what he said…he’d been thinking about it more and more and realized that she may have been right. Maybe all Damon had ever needed was someone to care. Everything he had seen here definitely lent credence to that theory. “Thank you,” Stefan said in almost a whisper. 

“So what have you been up to the last few years? Other than getting involved with the original vampires and trying to get yourself killed I mean,” Damon snorted. 

“Well…Katherine came to town not long after you left, did you know?” Stefan asked. 

“No. I didn’t. I pretty much cut all ties there when I got out, but I bet that was fun,” he said sarcastically. 

“She was looking for you, you know. Wanted to see you,” Stefan told him. 

“Then I’m definitely glad I wasn’t there,” he snorted. 

“So you don’t care about her at all anymore? After spending a century and a half chasing her?” Stefan asked incredulously. 

“No. I don’t. Because it was never her I was chasing. It was Elena. It was /always/ Elena.” 

“What do you mean?” Stefan asked confused. 

“For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed of her. Every night. Even now when she’s laying next to me. I thought it was Katherine back then. How could I have known that there would be two people who looked exactly alike? But the girl in my dreams was kind, not cruel. Selfless, not selfish. Loving, not cold. Once I got to know Elena, I realized that it had always been her.” 

“Maybe that was because she was in your head?” Stefan wondered. 

Damon huffed a smile and admitted something that he’d never even told Elena. He’d let her believe that it was because she was in his head too. At the time he’d been too worried or embarrassed or something to admit it and the subject hadn’t come up since. “Except I had the dreams before that too. Back when I was human. Even as a kid.” 

“Oh…So…That’s why you fell all over Katherine the second you saw her,” Stefan realized. 

Damon nodded. “Yeah. It was. It was like my dreams come to life. And then I only had her for less than a month before everything happened and I let the dreams convince me that she was different than she really was.” Damon shook off the memories. “But anyway. We got off track. Katherine came to town?” 

“Right. Yeah. This was right after the great vampire round-up part two. I’m guessing Jeremy told you about that?” 

“Yeah,” Damon winced. “I was glad to hear that you survived, but it was too bad about Anna.”

“Ric helped me get underground before I was found. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who survived. Apparently Katherine arranged all that. Wanted to get rid of the tomb vampires that would hate her for leaving them behind before she showed up. She didn’t stay long though and I never did figure out what she was there for other than to see us like she said, which I don’t buy for a second.” 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t either. She always has some ulterior motive and doesn’t care about anyone but herself,” Damon agreed. 

“Not long after she left, Klaus showed up in town and started throwing his weight around, making threats, taking hostages, killing people if we didn’t give him what he wanted, it was a nightmare.”

“Sounds like it. I’m glad I killed him.” 

“But yeah, other than that, nothing else was really going on. I would have left a long time ago if I could have untangled myself from Klaus,” Stefan told him. 

“Is this where you tell me that you never contacted me all those years because you were trying to keep me out of it so I would be safe?” Damon asked skeptically. 

“I could tell you that, but it would be a lie,” Stefan admitted. “Truthfully, with everything going on…I never really thought much about what Elena said that day. Once it was all over and I saw you again though…”

Damon reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s all good, brother. Better late than never. It’s not like we don’t have eternity right?” he chuckled. If Stefan had pulled the keeping him safe line, he would have had a different reaction, but Stefan’s honesty meant something. 

“Right,” Stefan huffed a laugh, amazed at how forgiving his brother was. How had he missed that for so long? “I mean…I can’t promise everything is gonna be perfect. Old habits and all, but…I want to try.”

“And that’s all I can ask for,” Damon told him. “Nothing is ever perfect. With four and now five vampires in the house with heightened emotions, sometimes it seems like every day is a battle royale,” he laughed. 

“But you’re happy?” Stefan asked amusedly confused. 

“Sure I am. Because the good days far outnumber the bad. Because no matter how much we fight sometimes, we’re still family. And that means a lot more than ridiculous arguments.” 

“Jenna said that she’s a ripper?” Stefan asked, not sure what to say to that statement. 

“Yeah. That was definitely a nightmare for a while,” Damon said wryly. 

“But you helped her? Get control of it?” 

“Yes. Just like I could have helped you if you had let me. If you hadn’t called me a monster and pushed me away,” Damon told him with a hint of bitterness.

“I’m sorry. I was the one who was the monster. It was just easier to blame you than to face that. I would…appreciate your help now. If you’re still willing, that is?” 

Damon grinned. “All you ever had to do was ask.” 

“Maybe we should wait a little while though. Figure out the whole brother thing again first,” Stefan suggested. 

“That’s probably a good idea. The process works on trust and requires as much calm as possible,” Damon admitted. 

“Yeah, I can’t say that I really trust you yet, and I know you don’t really trust me yet either,” Stefan said bluntly. 

“No. I don’t. But you’re still my brother and as long as you’re willing to meet me halfway, we’ll get there,” Damon assured him. 

“I look forward to it,” Stefan grinned. 

“Well if we’re all done with the doom and gloom…I’ll race you back to the girls…human speed of course,” he added since they were on a crowded beach. He didn’t even wait for an answer before he took off. 

Stefan took off after him. “No fair! I don’t even know where they are!” he called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do a little add-on with Bonnie coming back into their lives if you guys want it. Let me know.


	37. Chapter 37

It was another three months later before their next visitor showed up. This time it was Jeremy who got the door. “Bonnie!” he said surprised. 

“Hey, Jer,” Bonnie said nervously. “Is Elena here?” 

“Yeah, she’s out in the pool with Damon. Follow me,” Jeremy told her, looking like he had been headed that way himself. 

“Damon, don’t you dare,” Bonnie heard Elena’s voice warn amusedly as the door opened. “Damon!” she screeched as there was a splash and Bonnie laughed as she saw a grinning Damon standing there with one side of an upended raft in his hand and laughed harder when he suddenly dropped underwater with a look of surprise. 

“Don’t mind them. They’re always like this,” Jeremy chuckled and let out a whistle to get their attention. 

Bonnie took in her first sight of her best friend in almost six years, and gave her a sheepish smile as Elena got out and walked towards her and Damon moved back to lean against the side of the pool and look at her suspiciously. She noticed the change from before he noticed her to after. He had looked free and actually happy before. In a way she’d never seen Damon. Now he looked like she remembered though. Dark and cold and it made her nervous. “Bonnie, what are you doing here?” Elena asked worriedly. 

“Well…I just thought that this conversation wasn’t really phone or email appropriate after so long,” Bonnie shrugged, looking at the ground. 

Elena could tell by her demeanor that it wasn’t about any kind of danger, so she relaxed and nodded as she reached out to grab her towel. “Okay, then let’s go for a drive. There’s someone I want you to meet.” She understood that Bonnie’s issue was at least partially because of the whole vampires and witches being natural enemies and she was giving into those instincts. Not having anyone to teach her didn’t help at all either. Maybe meeting Talia would help. 

Bonnie followed her as she asked, “Who?” 

“Her name’s Talia. She’s my best friend and a witch,” Elena told her, as they got in Damon’s car and drove off. 

“You’re a vampire and your best friend is a witch?” Bonnie asked in surprise. 

“Yeah. She is. See, we don’t /have/ to be enemies. There’s Talia and another witch in New York named Aurora, and Emily trusted Damon enough to give him her baby even after he was turned,” Elena explained. 

“I just…every instinct I have is telling me that vampires are the enemy and…my instincts are all I have,” Bonnie explained. 

“I know,” Elena nodded. “Which is why I’m taking you to meet Talia. Maybe she can help you get past that.”

“And…she’s a good witch?” Bonnie asked nervously. She knew that there were evil witches out there and that they tended to align themselves with vampires.

“Yes. She’s a very good witch. Here we are,” Elena told her as she pulled into the storefront. Bonnie followed her inside, looking around in awe at the huge occult shop. There was nothing like this anywhere near Mystic Falls. Even the city where she went for her own supplies the shop was just a hole in the wall. “Hey Willow. Is your mom around?” Elena asked the girl at the counter. 

“Sure Elena,” Willow grinned at her before turning to open the door to the back room and calling, “Mom! Elena’s here to see you!” After a pause where Elena could hear Talia’s reply, but Bonnie couldn’t, Willow turned back and said, “Go on back.”

Elena nodded her thanks and Bonnie followed her into the back room which was more like a ritual room. “Hey Talia. I brought a friend to meet you, if that’s okay?” Elena asked before entering, knowing how witches could be about their private space. 

“A vampire friend?” Talia asked suspiciously. 

“No. Bonnie. My witch friend from back home I told you about.”

“Oh. Well in that case, come on in,” Talia said with a smile. She had been eager to meet this Bonnie herself, especially after helping Damon save her. “I see you came out of your ordeal unscathed. I’m glad I was able to get Damon there in time.” 

“Yeah, a few more minutes and it would have been too late,” Bonnie said with a wince at the reminder. “Thank you for that.”

“Damon is a good man. I couldn’t not help him if it was within my power. And to save a fellow witch? There was no question,” Talia told her. 

“But you seemed worried about vampires before we came in,” Bonnie said confused. “But you like Damon and Elena?” 

“I am still a witch and an unknown vampire will always be a threat until or unless they earn my trust. The fact that I trust Damon and Elena means that anyone they bring around will be more trusted than most, but still not completely trusted until they earn it themselves.”

“But…doesn’t it make your magic crawl to even be around them?” Bonnie asked her. 

“Sure it does. Vampires always have a feel of death surrounding them. What you have to understand though is that it’s not because they cause death, it’s because they /are/ dead. Once you have that in perspective it’s easier to separate those instincts and allow yourself to see the person inside.” 

“I never thought of it that way,” Bonnie admitted, seeing now why Elena wanted them to meet. 

“Many don’t. And that’s why so many witches keep the old feuds going when they don’t need to,” Talia told her. “While it is true that many…I may even say /most/ vampires, are far too close to evil for any good witch to associate with, there are those who are not. And that’s where you have to trust your mind and your heart over your instincts.” 

“I am trying,” Bonnie told her. “But since my grams died, my instincts are the only way I can figure anything out,” she shrugged. 

“I understand,” Talia nodded. “I would be happy to help you learn if you wish. As would my daughters. You would not be the first orphaned witch we’ve helped find her way.” 

Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I think I’d like that.” With everything going on the last few years she hadn’t even had a chance to look for something like this, though she had thought about it more than once. Now she had a good offer that involved getting her best friend back and her magic was telling her that she could trust this witch. 

“Good. We have a room for you if you have nowhere else to stay yet,” Talia offered. 

“Okay. Thank you,” Bonnie said relieved. She hadn’t been looking forward to the idea of staying in a house full of vampires. “I’ll just…come back here with my stuff later then?” 

“Anytime. If the shop is closed by then, just ring the bell around the side,” Talia told her. 

“Thanks again,” Bonnie said with a smile as she followed Elena out. 

“So you want to go back and get your stuff now?” Elena asked, trying to figure out where they went from there. 

“Actually, I want to go back and spend some time with my best friend for a while first…and maybe get to know her husband a little bit?” Bonnie half asked. 

“I like the sound of that,” Elena said happily, pulling her into a crushing hug. “I’ve missed you, Bonnie.”

“Me too, Elena,” Bonnie returned the hug gratefully, wincing at the way her magic reacted to the touch, but trying not to let it deter her. 

By the time they got back, the pool was full, Stefan and Jenna having joined Damon and Jeremy. Elena loaned Bonnie a swimsuit before they jumped in too. By the time they got out that evening, Bonnie had come to realize that Elena had been right. Damon was a good man that only ever needed someone to care. She was warming up to Stefan a little bit too, though not as much as Damon. He was still a little stand-offish and broody. Jenna and Jeremy she had always liked so, while she did need to get used to them as vampires, there were no issues there. 

Bonnie got what Talia had meant now about listening to her head and heart over her instincts in these situations. This was nothing more than a loving family, and learning that they never killed people and even went out in groups to help keep each other in check definitely helped. She didn’t think she would ever be comfortable actually living with them, but she could definitely come to see them as her family again too. She was more than glad she had finally sucked it up and come here. And not just because she had a magical teacher now.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see more of their adventures and disasters in LA, don't forget to check out the sequel by ladyTpower called Ripper. It's worth a read.


End file.
